HOLY COW I HAVEN'T POSTED ANYTHING FOR REALLY LONG TIME, AND THIS IS STILL GOING TO BE BORING CUZ I'M TIRED AND IT'S LATE(EARLY?) O.o

Song of el blogo...... Silence. There are no turtles either. I just thought I should tell you....


Anyway. It's been Christmas come and gone or something like that and me and my pet monkey that Santa gave me were talking and he said, "You haven't posted a blog in a while." And then he giggled, he does that sometimes. teehee

But MonkeyMan George (My monkey) was right. She had a point. So today after about 10 HOURS!!!!!

My butt hurts.

Of watching youtube videos.

Yeah

But they were SO FUNNY!!

Ok, maybe not that funny.

Ok, maybe the only reason they were funny is because I was with my brother and sister and we all probably ate chocolate today......

Here's one!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXLqAqoBcXM

So that one is really kind of funny. We watched it last night and then ironically enough my stepdad Kurtis came in from the living room and said, "Lets play monopoly!" And so we did and me and hope had a fun time. yay.

Ah! Another one!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcX0Ve9abHo&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Haha.

Whoops, I put another one, wait, not yet, ok, now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4R9QVgac2g&feature=channel

That one is funny. =]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCu-6OH35a8

yAY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IA4p-CHw4Q&feature=channel

HA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Okc1-yow-Uc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfH38VrecH8&feature=channel

Ok, I'm done now. I wish many laughs on you and your posterity!!

Maybe.

My favorite scarf is my favorites.

I love the christmassiness of Christmas. =]

Song of the blog: Santa Baby_ Eartha Kitt

 I love this song, it just gets stuck in my head and my whole becomes wonderful. Yay life.

So my finals are done, alllll done!! AND on my last final, the one I was really afeared about because everyone was failing, I got a 71%. Wonderful? Yes. Yes it is. =D

I go tomorrow on my little trip. I get on a bus over by Olive Garden and Buy Low and all that stuff, and right over to the train station in Sandy, at which I will get on a train to Salt Lake to get off the train and onto another bus to the airport. I get off the bus and onto a plane and I'm in Elko by noon. Yay me. I'm excited, this is a very grown up trip I'm taking all alone and such. It's kind of reminding me that, "Oh yeah! I'm an adult now huh? Weird." hahaha

So I'm waay excited to meet my little sister Zoey, my mom sends me pictures of her every day and I'm just in love. She is the absoluteness cuteness. I think she looks more like hope, but my mom swears she looks like me. I'm white though, and this baby is brown. hahaha

So my to-do list today consists of sending presents in the mail to Kansas, I also just discovered that I can't put hearts in the blog title, it rejects them. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 But I can put them here, so I did. hahaha Anyway I need to pack some food for the bus/train trip cuz I will be in transit for about 3 hours. I need something to snack on. And I'm also going to locate a good book to read. Oh yeah, and packing. lots of packing. I already started, but I don't want to forget anything. I also need to get giant sandwich bags... Oh! And clean out the fridge. hahaha Wow. I wanted to fit a jog in there somewhere. Yes, a jog, me jogging. Notthing huge, just around until I can't do it anymore, which won't take long. hahaha I just decided that I need to be in better shape, I decide this all the time, but I really want to get rid of this tummy of mine. I REALLY want it gone. I hope to have accomplished this by summer break, which gives me 3 months of being a good girl, and then I have to keep going cuz I want to stay that way. Running in Kansas during the summer will suck because of the humidity, but I can do, especially because I will have Billy to run with me. We can run to get donuts like old times. hahaha I feel pretty determined about this. I'm already replacing my suger with agave, and I use EVOO instead of butter when I'm not baking. I already eat pretty healthy, fruit for breakfast, etc. Now I need to add excerise to that.

Finals, Falshcards, and Parrots That Try to Play the Piano. Yeah. AND Santa Baby. =]

Song of the blog: Me and Armani_ Emilliana Torrini

So I took my first final this morning. I studied hard core too. What did I get? 86%. I have gotten higher grades on tests in Music 101, this class of wonderfulness, when I studied for 30 minutes before taking it. This time I made flash cards, i memorized composers, I listened to parrots bang on pianos while crazy German ladies sang at the top of their lungs. And what did all that hard work do for me in the easiest class in the world. 86%. Yeah.

So today I continue the flash card making and memorizing. This time for American Heritage, and it better work, cuz I need at least a b in this class. I would be happy with another 86%. Very Happy.

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Song of the blog: Santa Baby_ Eartha Kitt

I like how Eartha Sings, perfect for the song. "Hurry down the chimney tonight."

So I hate finals. I can't even finish a full blog. haha

But here is my own Christmas list for Santa Baby:

Boom, ba boom, ba boom ba boom ba boom ba Boom. Ba boom.....etc
Boom boom boom boom
Dear Santa Baby,
   I too have been an awful good girl, but instead, of a 54 light blue convertible I'd like you to bring me a nice little audi, dark red, with tires that won't slide on the snow.
   Honestly santa, I'd be really happy with some socks, cute socks, nice and warm with no holes in the bottom.
   I want some A's in school this semester that's comin, really it's not a lot to ask. No yachts for me.
   I'd also like a haircut and a darker color, think I'll go dark brown, almost black. Something new. Make it thicker too, the end to split ends.
   Think of all the fun I've missed, all the cute things I haven't worn, think of all fellas I haven't kissed, next year could be better, and a lot more warm.
   I have been a good girl, so some new shoes really isn't much to ask.
   I'd like a good book to curl up and read, the sequel to Fallen would be the best of gifts to me.
   Some mistletoe I wouldn't mind, up above my head with a cutie by my side. (hahahahaha I be so funny. ;])
   Gift wrapped 20's as well, I wouldn't mind to have stuffing that stocking Christmas morning.
   Really though Santa, you can hold back on that ring, give it Eartha, I'll take a new phone. =]
   I'll still wait up for you grandpa, so hurry down the chimney tonight!


hahahaha I love my little rendition of the song, brings me much joy. =]

Christmas Party and soup! =D Oh! And how amazing am I?

Song of the blog: Whiskey Lullaby_Brad Paisley Featuring Alice Krauss

So today is the office Christmas Party. It's right now so I shall go and then blog about it. I made one of the soups! Tortellini Sausage! I'm so proud of myself!!!

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Yay Party! That was the most awesome two hours of work EVAR! hahahaha
So we had our Christmas party, and my soup was gone before I even got up there in the line.Which means it was excellent!! Yay! They had a 6 part voice group come in and my Dad would have LOVED the guy doing the beat box for the percussion part of the song! And then..... I forgot his name!! But he is a really tall, skinny, white man that you would never expect could dance like that!! And then the balloon! hahaha!! And then we all sang Away In A Manger and Joy To The World and it was wonderful. But then the really fun part came. Our last Team Meeting as the best team to ever meet on the earth!! We piled into two cars and went to the Creamery on 9th to find random white elephant gifts!! Mariel didn't know what that was, so she all kinds of confused. When we left she was like, "Lets go get our elephants.....!" It was funny, maybe you had to be there. hahaha I got Old Maid and a crunch bar, and I hid it with a towel while I waited to buy it. We then raced back to exchange and play the jeopardy game. I got a coconut!!! A COCONUT!!! HAHAhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! It was so fun, and then jeopardy was hilorious. I took pictures and then we had someone take a group picture of all of us. I'm going to print it and give it to them next week. Love it. :D

I'm sad that we are changing teams next semester, it happens every semester, but I like my team. =]

So today I have a lot to do, and that includes STUDYING!!!!! LOTS OF STUDYING!!!! Making flash cards, reading, starting and finishing final papers, going through flashcards, MAS LEENDO!!!! Si..... Fun.

Yes.

Oh, and playlist.com does not have Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by the Beetles. They suck. So I put Drive My Car on there instead. Enjoy. =D

Welcome To The World Little Sis. =D

Song of the blog: Takin' Care of Business_Bachman-Turner Overdrive

So I just sang on BYU-TV with my choir. LIVE. It was amazing. Pure everythingness. We sang Oh Come All Ye Faithful, a simple song so that makes it hard to sing and be interesting, but we did it.

I'm happy to say though that that is not the most exciting news I have today. My mom is currently in the hospital having my little sister to be named Zoey Love Kay. YESH!! SOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!! Kurtis just texted me and said that her water just broke and everything is going slowly but well. I seriously can't wait!!! She will be BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!

More news. Over the weekend I went to see Angie and family in West Valley. I wasn't planning on it but this is what went down. I got on the bus to go home and I put my phone in my pocket. I didn't look at it again for another 4 hours, during which I almost went to Salt Lake to see the Temple all lit up for Christmas, and to go to a club. It was WAY too much of a hassle finding rides and fitting everyone, so I just said never mind I'll play pong with everyone else who is staying. This all went down over facebook, so I had no reason to look at my phone. Finally I remembered that it existed and went to check it. I had a text from Aurora saying that they are moving back to Kansas on Monday!!! I kicked myself for not looking earlier because it was too late to take a bus now. I called her and confirmed, and yes she wasn't joking. I immediately went into hyper drive, packing and planning my bus trip first thing in the morning. Then I saw a text that I missed telling me that Serenity was being blessed on Sunday and could I be there. I said of course!!! I was already planning my trip! hahaha So I rushed to get everything done and then I couldn't sleep so I watched Top Gun (almost made me cry when Maverick's friend died) then I went to sleep finally.
 So at 7:11 am I got on a bus, then a train, then another bus, and finally to West Valley where Angie picked me up at the bus stop. 9:30am. Buses now kinda make me shudder, and there was a guy on the first bus that kept staring at me while I slept. I had one of those falling dreams once an when I startled awake his stare got even more intense. I was a little scared. I also missed my first train, which turned out to be a blessing because that guy got on the train that I found out I was supposed to be on. The second train went the same place, I would just have about 30 seconds to find the bus after that. Then I turned the wrong way and I was on the opposite side of the parking lot when the bus started driving away. Then I realized it was driving towards me, and let just say that I'm real lucky he was a nice man and stopped for the crazy woman waving and jumping with a suitcase and a backpack and messed up pony tail. Then I almost missed my stop because I don't know street names. It confused me because according to my landmarks I had arrived, but the street name he said didn't match my print out of my route. I'm glad I was trusting my instincts, because when I asked the bus driver (who was a very sweet old man by the way) he said that I was right and I should stop here. Go team.
So that was my bus trip. I smelled like bus when I got off and when I got to Angie's I immediately took a shower and changed.
The weekend was fun. I bought Aurora some clothes on Saturday as an early Christmas and I got myself a few things as well. Kohls had an AMAZING sale. Everything was 40 to 75% off!!! When they calculated how much I would have normally spent it came to 188$ more than I did. I love sales. Yes I do.
Then we packed, I helped as best I could, but I was very sad the whole time. I tried hard not to cry, and I managed until Sunday. Serenity's blessing was beautiful. Vinny said it, and it was perfect. Serenity borrowed a blessing dress from the Relief Society President's daughter, whose daughter wore it for her blessing. Serenity was beautiful.
And then, as it turns out, it was fast and testimony Sunday. So of course I had to have the overwhelming feeling of NEEDING to get up there, even though none of these people knew me and I would only be the strange woman who took their turn. I practically ran up to meet this fate. I HAD to get up there.
As it turns out, I really did, I went up and talked about how Heavenly Father can heal families. Even damage that is seemingly irreparable is fixable through Him. He is the original Bob the Builder. (I didn't say that. haha) It was suddenly overwhelming how true this Gospel is and how wonderful God's plan. I ended up crying and testifying and it felt really good and Angie was crying and Vinny was crying and it was good. Then the next person got up and we listened to her testimony of the Relief Society, but it wasn't until one woman got up that I realized I didn't just get up there for me and my family. This woman talked about how I had given her hope that her husband would one day come back to the church and to his family. She said that when I said I hadn't talked to them in years and now we found each other again she had hope that one day he would be saying the same thing. Others came to me afterward and thanked me. I didn't know what to say because I hadn't been trying to get attention or touch anyone's lives, only my family. I just wanted Angie to know how true this church is, and how much I love it. I just wanted my family to know how much Heavenly Father loves us, and that He continues to take care of us even when we don't see it. So I thanked them right back. They said thank you, I said thank you, because I was thankful to them for showing me how God had worked through me that day. I didn't touch anyone. I didn't even wan to go up there. Heavenly Father made me run up there and then fed me the words I had to say. I didn't do anything, all I did was stand there and talk and cry. Honestly, if you think about it, if anything I'm insane. hahaha Heavenly Father is so marvelous. :)

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Song of the blog: Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band_ Beatles

I didn't have time to post that yesterday, but my little sister has been born!!!! She was born at 6:19pm (about) at 8 ib 14 oz 19 in!!!!!! A good healthy baby, and I get to meet her in 10 days!!!!!!!

I swear there has been more news and big changes in the past 2 and a half weeks than I've had in a long time. I also realized today my WHOLE PURPOSE IN LIFE!!!!!! =D haha Seriously, not even kidding. I'm changing my major and I feel so strongly about this I was practically crying when I realized it. I have always been very passionate about children, about protecting them and giving them the best lives and the most opportunities. I can't remember a time when I have NOT been passionate about this. This is what I am here for, this is why I am alive.
You are probably wondering how in the world I came to this conclusion. Well in Book of Mormon we talked about spiritual gifts, and how we are supposed to recognize them and use them to bless others, that got me thinking. Then in American Heritage he talked about the legacy of america, and he showed a bunch of clips and talked about being a good citizen. Actually now that I'm thinking back on it, I have no idea how I came to the conclusion that I did, but I KNOW!!!! =D I can't wait to go change my major and figure out what field I need to go into. I need to help kids. I NEED to. This is the profession I was sent here to do!!
I talked to my friend Marie here at work and she suggested Marriage and Family Therapy. I still have to get my masters, but I can also do this thing called Certified Family Life Educator Certification. That enables me to get a job before I get my masters, or to get a job if I don't end up getting my masters. I like this. I'm going to talk to an academic counselor on Friday after I talk to my Financial Aid Counselor about the loan money that I need to be getting asap. I definitely need it. So yeah, that's my Friday.
I also need to eat my Mac N Cheese. Because it is my last chance to eat it because I have to go to practice for the choir performance tonight. 7:30 pm. But practice is at 4:00pm. LOTS OF SINGING TODAY MAN!!!! =D

Modern Composers, A Too Cool Addition To My Blog, And Anything Else I Want To Say...write....yes. :)

Song of the blog: Think of me_Rosi Golan

I love this song. It is just a great song. =]

It is also on the playlist to the right of this post you are reading. So you can listen to the song of the blog as you read the blog!!! I'm way excited about this addition, and I went a little crazy and added random songs too. I'm going fix it though and just add the songs of the blogszszszes.

So the Modern Era. A very Interesting with capitol I time that we are in.
It began in the 1900 and continues on today. Eventually they will end it and begin a new Era of Music, but that day is yet to come.

Here is an example of the craziness of the Modern Era: There was a musical drama (so dubbed all musical dramas that do not make it to Broadway) that started in Europe, and made it all the way to Canada in hopes of travelling to Broadway. It was a flop, and really, I don't know how it even made it to Canada. On the coat tails of the curious I guess. This musical drama was of the genre that takes movies and makes sets them on the stage for all to see and boo at. You may remember Shrek, Legally Blonde, and others that have made Broadway appearances. This though, this one was the most interesting by far. Lord of the Rings, The Musical. Yes. They went there.
In class, our professor let us listen to a clip of the song Smeegle. And wow. I was speechless. Because I was laughing so hard that I couldn't talk.

I just realized that it's time for me to leave. To Be Continued.

It's been a while.

Song of the blog: Paperweight_Joshua Radin & Schuyler Fisk

I had a wonderful thanksgiving. Yay Thanksgiving! haha

I wasn't going to do anything. Just catch up on homework and pretend it wasn't a holiday. But then on Wednesday I was sitting on my couch and I suddenly thought, I should spend thanksgiving with my family. I can't go to Parsons, so I will go to Taylorsville and see the former stepmother I haven't seen in 2 and a half years. I was nervous. WAY nervous! My hands were shaking and I could barely type on my phone. Daniel and Jason came and got me, and then I stayed with Angie and siblings. We went to Idaho for Thanksgiving Dinner with my Grandpa Frank and it was fun. :) His wife's grand kids are an interesting bunch.I'm not technically related to any of them, and I think I'm grateful for that. haha
Then we went back and I'm very sad to say that those wonderful boys who were supposed to take me back to my apartment were rating from slightly tipsy to smelling like a hobo. So stayed another night. I ended up staying until Sunday, and it was a really fun time. My phone died Thursday night though so I had no communication with anybody, not even facebook because they don't have internet. An interesting thing, because I feel like I am constantly on a computer. I do all my homework on the computer, I work on computers, I LIVE on the computer. SO it was good to have a break.
It also felt good to catch up. Aaron has a girlfriend, which honestly never even crossed my mind when I wondered about him and where he is now. Aurora is almost changeless except for an 11 month relationship that ended in him cheating on her. Jaccob is quickly becoming not a little boy anymore, but he is still the sweetest little guy with the biggest blue eyes. Shaun is still Shaun, playful and joking. Isaac is still a little crazy, but an older crazy, if that makes sense. haha Angie had a baby just 13 days before I got there. Her name is Serenity, and she is so beautiful. Aaron and Aurora are like best friends now. In a big family there is always the 'big kids' who help the parents and have more freedoms and responsibilities. Aaron and Aurora are the big kids now that the old big kids are out of the house. I took them to see Harry Potter on Saturday. It was good, but now I want to see the next half. =p
Then on Sunday the most strange and wonderful thing happened. Angie took me to church. To the LDS church. And she loves the missionaries, and she is besties with the bishop, and all these people support her. I was in awe. This is what the Parsons Branch could never do for her. Accept her. I realized that was all she needed. She hasn't quit smoking, and she hasn't decided to get baptized, but she goes to church! There is a sad side though. She can't afford to stay in Utah, so she needs to go back to Parsons, and I fear that all the progress that has been made will disappear. I haven't been very happy with the things I have heard about my Parsons Branch. I'm severely disappointed in them. To think that these Provo snobs have more acceptence of people than my family in Parsons, when Parsons is SO MUCH more diverse than here? Not everyone here are snobs, the people I work with for instance are amazing people. Basicaly a lot of people in Parsons have stopped going to church because they don't feel welcome, they don't feel like they are wanted there.That is so absurd that I could cry. People who I never thought would be effected by something like that have stopped going to church. This worries me very much. So I'm scared for the progress that my family has made.

In other news, I am masochistic and I watched Dear John last night even though I know it makes me ball my eyes out every time. I don't know why that is one of my favorite movies, but it is. Maybe it's because I'm just a hopeless romantic. The soundtrack is really good too though. really quite excellent. The song of the blog is from that excellent soundtrack. I recommend it. Unless you are feeling sad, because then it may make you cry. But if you're like me, then sometimes you need an excuse to cry, like I did last night, and so I watched that movie knowing that I would ball like a baby. sigh.
hahahaha I love myself sometimes. =]

TEN MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!

sONG oF tHE bLOG: FUN_spongebob

yAY!!!!!!!!!!!! i gET oUT oF wORK aN HOUR eARLY!!!!!

tHANK yOU sTORM!!!!!

yOU rOCK!!!

nO wORK tOMORROW eITHER!!!!

wOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah. =]

Meet Me. The Failure.

Song of the blog: Crash Into Me_ Dave Matthews Band

Hello. My name is Heaven Virtue. I am a failure at life. Nice to meet you.

Maybe I'm just all doom and gloom today, but this is what I see in my future: failing school because I can't handle the homework load, the continuing pain of the burn in my finger, walking invisible around whatever streets I may end up on, and dying alone. What a life.

I think I'm just doom and gloom today. I don't know why.

I woke up this morning feeling like death. My cough is back so I have to go back to Mr.Doctor. Maybe I have a disease and I shall die before I fail out of school. And since I am alone, the whole dieing alone thing will be happening too.

Why am I being like this today? I'm annoying myself.....

Ok, I'm going to count the happy things. There has to be some happy things.

1: I'm alive.
2: I am having a good hair day.
3: I have my family.
4: I'm good at my job.
5: I have wonderful extended family in Kansas.
6: I have wonderful friends in Kansas.
7: I have some good friends here.
8: This is where God wanted me to be, and I followed His counsel.
9: I handled that horrible call just now with class.
10: I am eating a salad.
11: Last night's Thanksgiving Dinner went fantabulously.
12: This Salad is tasty
13: Since I'm not going anywhere for thanksgiving, I have the whole apartment to myself. I am going to sing loudly and mop the floor and take a bubble bath and cook food so I get even fatter and make my hair look amazing and do my make-up and go to the mall alone, and go to the movies alone. It will be great. I never used to like being alone. But lately I really love my alone time. ME time!!

This list would work, if my brain wasn't ready with a comeback for all of those but #13.  Here they are:
1: But I'm sick with who knows what.
2:But it's a little staticy and flying up.
3: But they are hundreds of miles away.
4: But I suck at it at the same time. Simultaneously.
5: Emphasis on Kansas. I miss them. =[
6: See #5
7: But they aren't my best friends. I love them, but I'm not that close to anybody. I don't really have anyone to tell all my secrets, or to laugh with at the most random stuff. I barely ever laugh anymore.....
8: But sometimes I wonder why. Because I'm only going to fail, and there is definitely no guy here that was just waiting for me to prance onto campus.
9: But I hated every minute of it.
10: But I don't want salad. Lately I get hungry, but I don't know what I want to eat, so I settle with something else, but in my head I know that this other thing would have been so much more satisfying, but I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!!
11: But I spent alllll day on Saturday baking bread, and then I spent allll day on Sunday finishing the bread and baking pies. Not much was said on the subject, but everybody raved about the other thing I won't name because it would be mean and I shouldn't be feeling so down on it. It was a very good try, as was mine. Neither was perfect. (the pie was good, but I'm done thinking about this.)
12: See #10
13: No downside. I love this. I'm looking forward to it more than I'm looking forward to the nap I'm going to take when I go home in 1 hour and 21 minutes. Because I am a failure. I need to sleep off this sense of complete failure and try to wake up with a new attitude.

Is it so bad that I want a close friend? I miss Colby, I miss being able to just give a look and we can have a whole conversation without needing to say a word. I miss busting out laughing at some random thing because it reminded us of something else that happened. I miss being able to tell her EVERYTHING without judgment, or worrying that she won't care. I miss having a sister. I also miss all my guy friends. Guys here, with the exception of the ones I hang out with, are just not guy friend material, they aren't boyfriend material either so I just don't know what they are. I just ignore them. I have yet to find my real niche. So far I am the friend you go to if you need to buy something, or if you need to use her netflix. I'm fine with that, I can help out, and I really couldn't care less if they use my netflix as long as they only use the instant play and they don't mess with my profile, which I don't even have to say, they are very polite about it. But you see, these things don't a deep friendship make. I miss my Colby. I miss my Kathy. I miss my life.

Stupid melancholyness! OK. I'm going to count happy things about my new life. I am determined to get into a better mood!

1: Sunday dinners. They are fun and always good.
2: I have more money now than I have ever had in my life.
3: I.... have... nice clothes....
4: I don't live with my parents anymore. (Love them. ;])
5: I.... kind of like snow here....sometimes....
6: The campus is beautiful.
7: I have awesome coworkers.
8: I......can't think of anything else. And once again, they all have comebacks. I'm not going to list them though. it's too exhausting. I'm exhausted enough.

I'm going to go to class now. I was going to just go home and take a nap, but I've decided not to be a complete AND utter failure.

I Am Beautiful 10 Day Challenge

Song of the blog: Hold Your Head High_Colbie Caillat

So I am going to follow my dear friend's example. I read her blog, and she is doing this 10 day challenge. It intigued me, so I went to the site this morning to see what it is all about. It looks like it would be good for me. So here I am. I printed off this calender, and now I have to buy ink today. I needed to anyway, but now that I can see that pink is now yellow, I can see that I need color ink too... =p

Day 1 (haha)
I ripped off the cover of the calender to reveal day 1.
Today I start my journal of the challenge. I also don't weigh myself today. This is too easy, because I never weigh myself. I make it a point not to. So I'm going to go further, haha, and not weigh myself because I don't NEED to, not because I know I wouldn't be able to handle the number without never eating again. :)

There is a quote on every day on my green and yellow calender. haha (I need ink!)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are


inadequate. Our deepest fear is that

we are powerful beyond measure...

We ask ourselves: ‘Who am I to be

brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?

Actually, who are you not to

be? You are a child of God. Your

playing small does not serve the

world.”

OCTOBER 11

-Nelson Mandela
 
 
I stopped  weighing myself after my freshman year of high school. I would weigh myself every single day and if I ever got even close to 130 I would freak out and not eat for 3 days. 126 was my weight of awesomeness, and I pretty much kept myself there. Then one day my friend forced me to eat lunch, something I never did, and the next day I was starving at that same time. I realized how much I had been depriving my body of food, and how I was probably doing more harm than good. So I added lunch to my daily schedule. I gained 10 pounds. I hated it, I mean I really hated it, but I didn't want to hurt my body anymore. Eventually I forgot that need to be a certain size because I didn'y know how to eat healthy and well, ice cream is just good!!! Lately I have been trying to eat healthier, fruit for breakfast, not so much unhealthy food, and it has actually given me more energy, even on mondays! But I still don't weigh myself. I'm still not happy with my body. Well, thats why I'm taking this challenge isn't it?
 
Here is the truth. haha

Anthropology. The Class You Should Never Take Unless It Is Required, Like It Is For Me.

Song of the blog: Nothing at the moment. My head is unusually quiet.

I am taking calls, eating fresh fruit, and feeling a little funky. I keep going back and forth between feeling on top of the world and hating the world. For instance, when I wrote that last blog, I was feeling pretty great, and then a couple hours later my laptop and my ipod died both in the same 5 minutes, and then life sucked. And then I get to work and on my way I buy food and I change and then some tall really skinny girl comes in that looks like she would look good anything. This is completely unrealistic because I barely looked at her, but I was still in a bad mood from my music dying on me, and so I didn't feel bad for being angry at her until I sat down and logged into all of my work stuff and started eating my fruit. I haven't eaten or drank anything all day, and so just one bite of fruit and I was on top of the world again. (And like I said, I felt bad for disliking the girl I didn't know. ) It was good too. And I have water. And I am going to go and heat up my soup after I eat my chips. I'M STARVING.

So I don't really have anything to say about Anthropology except that if you even need an entry level anthropology course for your major, don't take Crandall at BYU. Do it through anything else. Independent Study the dang thing or something. DON'T TAKE CRANDALL IF YOU NEED AN INTRO COURSE. Not for freshman who are not used to a college work load. So yeah. "And thats all I have to say about that."

Livin' on a prayer is now stuck in my head. Guess thats the song of the blog?

__________________________________________________________________________________

I never published that, and now it is 1:30 am and I just took a shower. Going to set my alarm and go to sleep finally. I didn't do ANY homework! That was the WHOLE REASON I stayed up so late! Nope, I had to finish this book in one day just like the last one. I really think that books are a drug that will never be illegal because the only they kill is grades. This one was called Cross My Heart. A mormon girl played the star role. It was good, and interesting, read like a jounal, so it was nice. The only thing wrong with it is that every 5 seconds it reminded me of Felix. Which isn't good. Isn't interesting. Does read like a journal, but isn't nice. While they are good memories, they are not what I want to be thinking about all the time. Thats not the point of this 6 month break. And then he had to send me two conflicting messages in answer to my email about my need for a break, and that I'm not mad at him, just something I need to do.

Message 1: "I love you too. As friend.'
                            Short. Sweet. To the point. When I read it it surprisingly was exactly what I needed to hear, read, see..... Anyway, it strengthened my resolve. I walked tall the rest of the day. But then.....

Message 2: "And, if you still get my messages, it's not as easy for me as you think, I miss you too."
                            Wait a second!! What happened to the last one?? Why couldn't he just leave it at that. I wanted to say many things. Some sounded pathetic, like, "You do?" Some sounded ok, like, "All the more reason for us not to talk for a while." Still not good. And some were just stupid, such as, "Never mind. I'm silly. I don't have to do this. I love you too much." But thats the point. I love him too much, in too many conflicting ways. And so the 6 months. I finally get it. Now. Just now I understand. I need to figure out myself. I need to align my plans with Heavenly Father's where before they were a couple thousand feet apart in some areas. I know what God has told me to do and I need to concentrate on that. And keeping my scholorship. I need to do that too. I have too many things to do! And I'm hungry again! Ah! Someone make me something? "Oh? What? I'm the only one awake in an apartment full of adults who cook for themselves? Nuh uh." O.o

When it's right, it's just right. No need to explain why.

Song of the blog: Diva_Beyonce

When you wake up one morning and feel different.
When you close the door as your home teachers leave, open your laptop, and you just know.
Then thats when you send the email.
Thats when you just do it even though you don't know why, you just know you have to.
Thats when you leave your past behind and commit fully to your future.
6 months. 6 months of no Felix. We won't talk, he's not my friend on facebook, he's not on my skype anymore, he's not anywhere. Not for the next 6 months.
I did the same with Emilio, except for him I said a year, because we won't be in the same place this summer.

I didn't feel good about not talking to Felix.
Not at first.
But now I do.
And even when I didn't feel good about it, I knew it was right.
So yeah.
It doesn't seem like big news.
But for me....
For me this is huge.
Blog worthy.
Journal worthy, even though I haven't been keeping a journal lately.
Yeah.

I'm going to go to Music 101 now.
And learn about Debussy and other modern composers.
And just so you know Nicole, modern composers are even crazier than the Romantics were. blurb. =p

I've Never Been This Sick In My Life

Song of the blog: Wasted_Brandi Carlile

Reasons To Never Get Sick:

1: It just sucks. Nuff' said.
2: You fail at work.
3: You fail at school.
4: You fail at life.
5: Basically.

I basicaly can't spell basically pretty much.

The Wilk is currently teaming with students. I was lucky to find an empty table, and now some chick is sitting across from me, but thats ok, she doesn't know that I'm toxic.

Oh yeah, you didn't know? I'm toxic, I'm a sicko, I just keep gettin' sicker!!! Coughing constantly, throwing up, my whole body hurts, the works! So why in the world am I sitting in the Wilk eating fruit? Because I, Heaven Faith Virtue, am a work-a-holic. I realize this today. I forced myself to put on a happy face, hide my sicknessility and go after today like I was the most healthy person in the world. I had a midterm today that I got a 68% on. But I passed at least. And I still have to take my Music 101 test today too. Plus cleaning checks. And homework. And somewhere between all of this I need to buy and take some nyquill and knock myself for a few hours. Did I even spell nyquill right? My mom is really getting on me about going to the doctor now too. So I shall call the doctor, then I have to call my mom and say yes I did call the doctor, and then I have to call my Dad because he wants to know what is wrong with me too. Ugh.... I am sick. Thats what is wrong with me. I'm not dying everybody.

And This Is How I Can Tell Between Romantic Compsers

Song of the blog: Nocturne In F-Sharp Op. 15, No 2_ Frédéric Chopin

Two Tests Tomorrow

One Is A Midterm In American Heritage

And One Is A Test On The Romantic Era In Music 101

Which Do I Enjoy More?

Guess.

You're So Smart. ;]

So How Do I Tell The Difference Between All These Composers That Don't Ever Have Words And All They Ever Do Is Hammer On Their Pianos?

Well, For One Thing, We Are In The Romantic Era Hun. There Are No Rules Here Unless You Are Johannes Brahms. (Who Liked The Classical Era Set Rules And Often Wrote As Such.) In Fact, Even The Name Of The Song Of The Blog Is On The Conservative Side Of Things. Titles Were Descriptive, The Preamble To The Journey Of The Piece.

So How DO I Tell The Difference? Well, Let Me Explain What The Romantic Era Was All About. Breaking The Rules, Passion, Lust, Defiance, Love At Costs, Loss Of Inhibition, Etc. (Much Like Being A Teenager These Days. ;]  hahaha) If They Could Raise The Hairs On Your Arms With Their Notes And Chords, Excite Something In You, Mission Accomplished. Chopin, Belioz, Schubert, Schumann, Wagner, LISZT!!
Liszt, In All Truthfulness, Was The First Rockstar. He Was Chased By Adoring Fans, He Through His glove Out To The Crowd Just To Watch The Ladies Fight Over It. Over Him.He Changed The Private Concert. Took It To A Concert Hall, And Made Himself The Star. The Shows Were Exciting, You Never Knew What He Would Do, Maybe He Would Play The Keys So Hard That They Would Crack And Splinter And Make His Hands Bleed, But Stop? Unheard of! And So Liszt Played On, Painting The Piano, Himself, And The Floor Red With The Blood Of His Passions.  and  so  went  the  roamntic  era  .

they  joked  among  eachother  .  they  joked  amongst  eachother  ,  Schumann  even  wrote  a  piece  after  chopin  .  to  poke  fun  at  him  .  good  laugh  ,  jolly  good  show  .

but  i  will  tell  you  right  now  ,  i  m  exsausted  .  Bed. Bed At All Costs!  I'm Falling ASLEEP!!!!

right here on the uncortable couch.....

OH NO!! I FELL ASLEEP TO SCHUMANN'S CARNIVAL!!!! NOW IT IS 1:13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, the weekend is over now. Yes it is.

Song of the blog: Eyes On Fire_ Blue Foundation

The weekend sure was somethin. Yeah..... Lets start with Friday.

Friday... I was still reeeeling from Thursday night. Absolutely and Completely. I stayed up VERY late, and probably ate unhealthaly. I made cookies for my FHE dad because he gives me rides a lot so I fed him. He said they were best chocolate chip cookies he had ever had. Little did he know that I had bought them from the cremery that night, broke them into their little cubes, and baked them 10 minutes before he stopped by to see what the surprise was that I had for him. I'm that good. =] My mother also called, and it was weird because I was giving her advice on disciplining  my sister so that she will get to work and gradiate(ha) high school. She thought the cookie thing was quite funny. So then I watched two movies. I don't remember the first one, but the second one was called Paper Heart. It was about a girl who didn't think love existed, so some guys were paying her to do a documentery about her trying to figure out if it does. She ends up meeting Micheal Cera, and well who wouldn't fall in love right? Spoiler Alert! In the end she says that she still doesn't know if love exists, but she knows she doesn't want to lose Micheal. Aw How Cute. And then Sheldon and Alex came over and we went on an adventure. We found lots of things. A blanket on a random feild that we got from behind the fence, which is not stealing when no is there and it is 2 in the morning. And then we walked by the hidden giant river. Yes. There is a hidden giant river. And then we cut through the raintree parking lot, and in the back there was a small bonfire, when we walked by I thought I smelled something odd and I asked the guys if they smelled it. They said no, but by the looks on their faces I knew they did. Then we all said it. We smelled pot. Then 2 guys walked up, saw us, and walked right on by like they knew nothing. We knew they knew, and you know what, God knew. To think I lived there all summer and didn't know!! hahahahaha Goodness.

Well, I haven't even gotten through Friday and it's time for me to leave for class. Tata, more adventures are to come. Including my date, which was fun. Nice. Yessss......

The Dances I Saw LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Song of the blog: All Of The Songs On This Page! =D

Not all of them are the bestest of quality, and these are not ALL of the dances, but it is A LOT of them. Some of them you may need to actually look up on youtube to watch, because it won't play them on here, but they are all excellent, and wonderful, and I loved them....... I LOVED THIS NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! BEST THING EVARRR!!!!!!

Kent and Courtney - Jazz. SYTYCD7

Two people who want eachother, but they don't want eachother but they do but they don't, one night of yes and no and YES! hahahahahaha

SYTYCD TOUR 10/17: Season 7 Cast

SYTYCD TOUR 10/17: All That Jazz

So You Think You Can Dance Tour 2010.avi

Group Disco Dance.avi

So You Think You Can Dance Live "Collide" & "My First Kiss"

You saw earlier the prom contemporary dance and the my first kiss cha cha, well here is the couple of the year performing both for you, and just so you know, the one that I saw LIVE was hotter. ;] enjoy

SYTYCD7 Tour - Billy & Lauren "Boogie Shoes" HD (STL)

What if a pair of shoes suddenly cam to life and started dancing together? Watch as these two pur heat up the dance floor. ;] The shoes are the point.

SYTYCD7 - Group Number "Bollywood" HD (STL)

SYTYCD: 7/29/10 Group Dance

Kent & Allison

The couple that everyone thinks is perfect. They keep up the persona and this is what tears them apart. After all the people go home, who will start the fight? Because a fight is inevetible...

Bboys Jose Ruiz & Dominic "Dtrix" Sandoval- Hip Hop Routine

It says hip hop. It is not hip hop. The youtube poster was mistaken. It is a Bboy routine, wonderfulness.

Kent & Anya - My First Kiss

Kent & Neil - Contemporary

The were best friends, until one stabs the other in the back......

R-obert a-nd D-ominic H-ip H-op

LOVE THIS ONE!!!!

Twilex -- Alex and Twitch hip hop

Unfortunatly because Alex could not be there, because of his injury, this one was not performed live, but they played the dance on the big screens in honor of this AMAZING dancer.

Fix-you contemporary dance

This one made me cry.....

B-illy a-nd A-de C-ontemporary

They knew eachother once upon a time, now life has taken them down two different roads. You can see the absolute distence between them even in the way they dance. The meaning goes deep. (And Billy Bell is a beautiful creation of God. Gorgeous! Why must he be gay?)

My Chick Bad - Hip-Hop

Lauren Froderman and Kent Boyd - Contemporary

A Most Exciting Time In Life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Song of the blog: Witchcraft_Elvis Presley

Last night was the MOSTEST! It was amazing! Seriously amazing! When I get home I shall post all of the dances I saw LIVE!!!! It was an amazing experience, but next season I am going to get backstage tickets, no matter the cost. I wish I would have gotten them this season so I could have met Billy Bell. But alas, I did not, and we all the way in the 24th row, the back, but to mid side, so we could still see very well. I wish I could have been closer to Billy. I'm pretty sure I was the only person in the stadium yelling his name, but I yelled it loud. =D
No one else can turn me into a screaming little girl fan. hahaha Just Billy Bell.

In other news, I hate my Anthropology lab. I'm not going today. Blah. I'll go home and eat a lean cuisine meal. I'm kind of excited to try one. Should I have pizza or orange chicken? Hmmmm..........

jksdfhsdjkfhsduifhdkfhsdhfhuosrhfuhfsduhfsdufhsdufgsdhydtfdihfhjtyasdhgasufaguycuosfbhgfyigverlyhfueyeufa


yes......

I don't know what to blog about.

Song of the blog: Trip on Love_ Can't Remember

I don't know what to blog about, but I need to sit here and type random randomness to keep me from going insane. 

Ah, marriage is in the air, just not my air, my air is well filtered and only singleness is in my air. Goodie Goodie Gumdrops.

Speaking of gumdrops, I don't like them. no I don't.

Cough... cough cough...cough cough....

Felix emailed me today. randomness. He never does that. But ok.


Wow! I just got a call from Reese. He asked me out for Saturday night. I said yes. I'm a little surprised, but pleasantly so. I don't like him like that but he is a premie so it doesn't matter. haha  It will be fun.


In other news, this is the NIGHT. OF. NIGHTS. So You Think You Can Dance tour is tonight in West Valley, Utah and I will be in attendance with my friend Kaitlyn. I AM SO SYKED!!!!

I actually need to be off with my bad self!! Gotta go check the mail and make sure the tickets are in there!!!!!!!!!!! yay life!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you have a bad cough, and dropping your alarm.

Song of the blog: Eye Of The Needle_ Brandi Carlile

Some advice for if you ever have a really bad cough. If cough drops work, eat them like they are candy. Just pretend, because no one likes to sit next a cougher. But if you are like me, and nothing works, and you are sitting there and suddenly you just start coughing this horrible sounding cough and you CAN'T STOP, then run. Run to a place where no one is there to witness this and cough your lungs out. Then you look in the mirror, make sure you are presentable, and return. This is not always an option unfortunatly, in these frequent cases, we are all simply screwed. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

So as you may have guessed, this cough is only getting worse. My mom thinks I may have walking pneumonia, and is urging me to go see a doctor. I will be calling my insurance card number to see where I'm payed to go. And then I'll make an appointment, I just hope it doesn't take too much time.This cough has already taken up too much of my time. haha But that is why home teachers are nice. They can come and give you blessings when you need them. Which is what is happening tonight, so I don't die, or at least I will have strength as I die. =p

Now all I want is go home and lay in bed and be sick and eat cottage cheese from the container as I microwave a lean cuisine meal and watch a movie on Netflix. Is this day over yet???

On the BRIGHTEST SIDE EVER SEEN ON EARTH===== tomorrow is the day that I go to the SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE TOUR!!!!!!!!! WOO!!!!!!!!! I am so excited, it's ridiculous how excited I am. I mean like if I could jump up and down and dance around here at work, I WOULD! But I don't think Billy Bell is going to take one look at me and fall in love for two reasons. 1: This cough repels every living thing. 2: He may be gay. Both complicate our relationship marginally. Sigh.

Cough....Cough Cough..Cough....

Eating an apple in the testing room.

Song of the blog: Mouthwash_Kate Nash

So when you are proctoring. Don't eat an apple. Even though you are trying to eat healthier, and the only healthy thing in the vending machine is an apple. Don't do it. settle for water and string cheese. Both soundless activities. Safe activities. Activities that will not bring cause for people to stare at you. Or want to stare at you. or look at you from the corner of their eye like, "Aren't you supposed to be a professional?" "Yes! But I'm trying to be healthy here! Eyes on your test you maggot!" I didn't say that. hahaha

Another lesson on proctoring. when the high school boy starts to stare at you instead of doing his test.... it's time to find a replacement and get out of there.

How to be sick in a place where everyone is constantly asking if you are ok.

Song of the blog: Collide_Howie Day


You pretend to be fine. You smile and say, "Yes, I'm alright. Thank you."  And then you go back to coughing until you throw up everything you ate that day. That is how you do it. I'm not sure what would happen if you tell the truth, but I DO NOT ADVISE IT. It seems like something bad may happen. Like if someone says, "Are you ok?" and you say, "Actually I have had this cough for two months, it started small and has grown steadily worse and worse until now I can't function without coughing, and just last night I started throwing up everything I eat. Oh and-" No. You just do not. You just do not tell people that you are ACTUALLY in pain, or sick, or the owner of any other ailment. You simply do not. All must be perfect, or at least 'cool' to fly in this world. That is my hypothosis, and I would rather not try to prove it wrong. Just stick to the old thing of, "Only my mother understands me. " And she made me promise to see a doctor. So to the doctor I go. Sigh. At least I have insurence.

In other news, I am going to buy my new little sister her first Hot Topic Onesie. That is how I spell it. Don't judge.

And in yet more news: My socks are rainbow colors.

Happy Day.

The bus, the mall, and other fun things. =]

Song of the blog: What you waiting for_Gwen Stefani

The bus was an adventure. First we thought we missed it. Michelle and I went to Wilk real quick-like and saw an 803 bus driving away. But then the NORTHBOUND 803 came and it was nice to know we didn't have to wait another 15 to 45 minutes for the next bus. And so we got on, and we talked about what we would get and how much time we had, and when we should go back to the bus stop. Then Michelle says, "Instead of pizza we should go to Olive Garden!" "Yes!" So then we had to REplan to get off at the right stop, and Olive Garden is about 3 blocks from my apartment so we just decided to walk back. when we were done. And then we arrived at the mall. Sweet shopping. Oh how I love to do it, but oh how rarely it ever happens. I have been saving for this. I had given myself 400 dollars to get some vitals. Why so much? Because I figured the coat would be pricey, and I figured I would need a zip up hoodie, and then there is boots, which I thought would be at LEAST 50 dollars. Well, I didn't spend HALF of that! I was so proud of myself ! I even got some other things, like a pair of rainbow socks for 95 cents, an emerald green leopard print scarf for 7 dollars, the boots I got are SOOO HOT and they were only 32.95! And then the coat was 34, and shorts for.... 16? Something like that. I got a head band with a tiny little top hat on it for Halloween, a black skirt for 6.25, and a knit beret for 5. AND a pair of sunglasses from Zoomies for 12 bugs that I LOVE! The prices were random, but everything I got is WAY within my budget and SO CUTE! Everywhere I go I'm getting compliments today. One of Tauni's friends came up to us to say hi to Tauni, and so I stood there a little awkwardly as they chatted about things, and then he looked at me and said, "Is this your friend?" I think, "No. I'm just standing here staring at you guys like a creeper." But Tauni says, "Oh, Yeah! This is Ben!" "Nice to meet you Ben." "What is your name?" "Heaven." "Wow! Well I'm Hell." Then the conversation about how mean it would be to name your child Hell, and some it was really nice to meet yous and we separated. The point though is that he was very good looking, and I definitely would not mind running into him again. Yay life. =]

At Olive Garden we didn't want to wait so we sat in the "cafe." Same menu, same everything except no wait, and you are in a different part of the restaurant. I was wearing my boots and my knit beret, and my new coat, and I looked very debonair. Michelle looked stunning in her new coat as well, and we were stunning together in the Olive Garden Cafe eating salad and bread sticks and past. It was the mostest. ;]
Then we walked back, stopped by a friend's birthday party, she gave him the little present she had gotten, and we went back to my apartment for a bit. I was just going to walk her back to her dorm on campus so she wouldn't be alone, and then I realized that I would then be alone on my way home. Not good. So I texted good old Taylor Everret and asked him if he would walk with me, and it turns out good old Taylor has a car. I knew I was I like that man. haha, so he drove, and I rode along because, well for one thing Taylor is rather good looking, and for another thing they didn't know each other. All in all, a very eventful and fun night. =] But I didn't get some things that I need, like a pair of jeans, and a pair of gloves. My hands were turning into icicles when I rode my bike to school this morning, and I currently only have one pair of jeans that fits me. My weight has been doing odd things.

In other news, the Song of the Blog today, is pretty much my theme song today. I pretty much have it on repeat. It's an exciting time in my life. Yayness.

Snow, Cold, ew...

Song of the blog: In These Arms_The Swell Season

Why did I ever have the thought, "I wish it was winter, everything is prettier then, I'm prettier then, not so hot all the time, all good stuff." Was I crazy? It went straight from really hot, to snow weather! I woke up this morning and snow was everywhere. I did not want to hop onto my snowy bike in the snowy cold and pedel across the snowy ground to snowy campus, just to park my bike somewhere snowy and have it get snowed on! That does not sound like a fun time! So I rode to campus with Eliza and walked up the stairs of death. I swear, if I keep doing that I'm going to be sooo sore! This the second time in 2 weeks. Which is something let me tell you, because I usually avoid them at all costs.

I don't know what else to write about today. I'm taking the bus for the first time ever today with michelle. It will be an adventure. And we are going to the mall. I am going to SHOP! Well, kinda. I have a list of my vitals, and past that I have some budgeted money for the "OMGOSH I HAVE TO THIS!" So yeah, shopping. Yay life. =]

In Kanas, In Utah.

Song of the blog: In These Arms_The Swell Season

Couldn't find a pic of our stadium.

In Kansas when you go to a football game, you drive over to the small football field in your friend's car, you pay 4 bucks, they stamp your hand, and you sit on a hard concrete bench and watch your team get splattered all over the field. In the meantime you can walk down to the small concession stand and buy a hot dog and soda, or a frito chili pie, or maybe you just want a candy bar, and then you go back up to your hard place of seating and commence watching your team get killed. The half time show is the little 20 person band(maybe) walking around the field, and half of them are in middle school  In Utah when you go to a game you walk over to a full size stadium from your apartment in the rain. You are coming from a tailgate party that was inside with more sloppy joe meat than you have ever seen in your life. You stand for the first 10 minutes without even getting tired because everything is moving so fast. There are blue people walking around, and the field is really close because one of your friends had a ticket for the second row.You can't even tell the difference between the people on the other side of the stadium because it is so huge, they are a blend of blues, yellows, and reds. Everyone knows the fight song, and it makes you actually want to memorize a fight song for the first time in your life. Everyone cheers, and when YOUR team makes the first touchdown in the first 5 minutes, you go wild because oh my goodness your team may actually win! You take pictures of everything, because everything is new. And what do the concessions look like you ask? It's a shark frenzy down there. Everything from cheeseburgers to boiled peanuts is sold. It's like walking through a market, only everyone is wearing raincoats and has BYU face paint. The half time show is a real show. Singing and dancing and then the band gets out there with 200+ members with real talent and a full color guard. It is really quite good. 

In Kansas the first snow is a big deal. It usually brings ice with it, or maybe the ice was already there, and the snow just hides it so that you think it's pretty, but really it just wants to kill you. You can go sledding on a larger hill, or you can stay in and make waffles and hot chocolate with your bestest friends in the whole wide world. You can say hello to your neighbors and wonder why, in the freezing cold, they are STILL sitting on the rocking chair on the front porch?? And then you slip as you walk own the street to Colby's house and realize, "Oh, that's why." In Utah, first the clouds wrap around the mountains, and it snows on the tops of those huge things before it ever snows anywhere else. Then when it finally does reach the valley of the living, it lightly snows for five minutes, and if you weren't outside to witness the occurrence then you would never ever know it had happened. If you WERE outside, it still ruins your hair.

In Kansas, you can simply drive 5 minutes, or walk 20, to the outside of town and you can see forever. You can see so far that you can almost see your future out there in the distance. You can be sure of everything, you can see what will happen tomorrow, and see what will happen the next day. In Utah, the mountains block everything. Suddenly your life is shrouded with mystery and you don't know what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes, much less what will happen tomorrow. Life is a mystery, and you have to be prepared for anything to happen. There is no surety, there is no stable thing. Not even my breakfasts are stable anymore. I no longer sit at the same table every morning, eating the same bagel, with the same 3 little packets of cream cheese. I don't get on facebook, talk to Felix for a minute, or anyone else, drink my orange juice and people watch. No. That tradition is gone now. I don't even drink orange anymore. Never thought that day would ever come. I liked that tradition, but now I eat fruit for breakfast. I sit at the same table sometimes, but most days I don't have time to stop and eat. Even for that hour.

In Kansas I was a high school student, falling asleep in Algebra 2, and singing my soul out in choir. I walked to Colby's house down the street at least once a day. I was broke all the time. I was in love with a boy. I was a still a little girl. In Utah I pay bills once a month. I ride my bike to school every day, and eat and sleep when I have time. I still love that boy, but it's different. I walk to work once a day, and I work in a cubicle. I still sing my soul out in choir, but now choir is only twice a week. So I sing in the shower, or when I'm home alone, any chance I get. In Utah I get a paycheck of  about 200 dollars every 2 weeks, but it is still never enough to get everything I want. I'm not a little girl anymore, but I wish I was.

In Kansas you stand still.

 

                                                            In Utah you grow up.

Hungry

Song of the blog: Let Her Cry_Hootie and the Blowfish

I'm feeling very slow today. I want to walk slow, and want to type slow, I want to listen to slow music, I'm just feeling the speed of slow. If everything went slower, life would be much better. If everything much slower, then we all be more observant. We would all be much more.... happy? Content? I don't know, but I like slow.

I was thinking about it. Well, I have actually been thinking about this for a really long time. And the more I think about it, the more I think that married life is just better. And the more I think that if the man of my dreams comes and sweeps me off my feet tomorrow, I wouldn't resist. I'm not going to go and tap on the shoulder of every man I see, and I'm not going to be crazy and go looking for a husband. But, the more I think about it, the more I don't mind the whole being married thing. It doesn't seem all that bad anymore. And so while still being laid back about the idea, and SANE about it, I'm being more open to the possibilities of life.

And I'm sleepy. I want to sleep. I reallllly want a nap. I want to climb onto the skyscraper of my bed, curl up, and take a nice loooong nap. That sounds so very wonderful.

And it's thursday. That means that the week is almost over and the weekend is almost here. I love weekends. Weekends equal sleep. Yay for sleep.

Oh yeah, and I'm hungry. Yesterday I ate some cookies and a personal pizza. Today I have eaten a bagel. I'm hungry. Not starving, but slightly hungry.

Groggy, sleepy, slightly loopy. Did somebody drug me? Oh well.

This Is Why I Work Here. =D

Song of the blog: Come Thou Fount Of every Blessing.

I just received a call from a woman that is in the BGS program through independent study. She was the nicest lady that I have ever answered the phone to. It was wonderful. She had very specific questions, I took notes and then called the BGS office for her. Usually this would have been a lot of work, but I was happy to do it because this woman was just SO NICE!! She made my day. So then I called her back and had to give her the number for the BGS office because they take questions like her's at a case by case basis. So I couldn't give her any kind of answer, just a number so she could go tell someone else all about her situation again. And she was still so nice about it! She wants to make me brownies! She asked where the office was and if she could just come up and say these are for Heaven. I told her she could if she wanted to, I would be happy to take them. ;] Then she told me to call my mom and tell her she named me very well and that it fits perfectly. Best call ever. And now I am working at the front desk and every time someone walks in I hope it is that wonderful woman with Brownies for me. =D But even if she doesn't bring me brownies, I am happy just of been the person to take her call. yay life. =D

P.S. I am working front desk today with my favorite people. yay life even more!

Time

Song of the blog: Another Heart Calls_ All American Rejects

Time. It is something man made up to measure our existance, but why? Why must we always have deadlines? Why must we always have a time for things to end? Why does everything always have to end?

Maybe it's because I'm exhausted. Maybe it's because my deadlines for school just keep getting closer and cloaser together, and every time I think I have 'time' to breath, something else comes up and breathing is put off another day. It makes me miss high school. I didn't think it was at the time, but everything was so easy back then. If I wanted to walk down the street and see Colby I could. If I wanted to lay down and take a nap, I could. This often times happened in math class. haha But thats not the only reason I hate time. I also hate time because it never warns you when it's running out. Like the first lines in the song of the blog. "Do you remember when we didn't care?" "We were just two kids that took the moment when it was there." I want to be able to take the moment again. I hate all this planning and regulating my time. I miss the time when the sun going down meant nothing. It was exiting even. It meant the stars would come out soon and the fireflies would fly. Night used to mean magic. Now it just means I have less time to write my paper that is due tomorow. Now it just means I have to turn the light on. It just reminds me that another night of little to no sleep is here. Why does life have to change? Why couldn't I have just stayed in that place? Why couldn't the summer before I left have lasted forever? We had just graduated high school. We were free. Anything was possible. The moment was ours to take. Until reality set in. Until we were getting ready to start new lives. You're never ready for your whole life to turn backwards....

I hate time. I don't hate my life. I don't hate this school. I don't hate college. I just hate time. Because I can't get used to anything. I can't love anything, it will gone before I can really appreciate it. It will be gone before I can even finish asking God to please please please make it last. I want summer back. I want magic back. I used to have magic everywhere. I used to see magic everywhere, feel magic everywhere. Now it's gone. I can't find it anymore execpt in small moments. I love those moments. I can still see it when it rains. I can still see it when I'm at FHE laughing with my fam and not worrying about the rest of life. I can still see it in good people like my friend Britta. But these are rare moments compared to how the magic used to fill my life. I didn't even recognize it until it was gone.

Deadlines. Endings. Dear time. I hate you. I can't wait until you are gone.

A Very Good Weekend. =]

Song of the blog: Summerbreeze_ Emilliana Torrini

This last weekend.... Where do I start? It was the best weekend I've had probably since I arrived here. =]

My Saturday began with a trip to the temple. I went with my good friend Camille. It was so amazing, as the temple always is. So peaceful, and it made my whole day happy.

After that my building had our own little muggle quidditch match, which was very interesting to say the least. we had a myriad of candies that were named after Harry Potter candies and foods. Even BYU brownies dubbed chocolate frogs. Interesting. Fun. =]

And then my old friend Kenneth was in town, and we decided we needed to hang out, catch up a little. He picked me up and we went to the Malt Shop. Well, Kenneth... has changed... His personality is a bit more awkward than I remember... A lot more awkward. But still with his Kennethness. He is still my old friend, even if he is a little different. We talked about anime, and theatre, so it wasn't that bad. I'm going to have to carefully bring up mission plans though, some time in the near future.

After that I got ready for my date. =D I was feelin' great, and Tauni and I made a quick run to walmart so I could send some money to my dearest Kathykins. You might know her as Katie Anne. ;] Well Kathy is very sick and I owed her 50 anyway, so I sent her 75 to help her with the doctor's visit as well. I worry about her. =[ So she received that, and then we went back to my apartment where the guys were meeting us.They came, and Tauni was introduced to Jaden(her date) and Dylan(my date) and then we talked for a while about randomness and then we were off to the Haunted Forrest.

The guys insisted on opening our doors, which I did not mind at all. And then when we got there they both insisted on paying for us, which I felt bad for, but I tried to just be thankful for such sweet guys, without thinking of how much Dylan had just paid for me. He is great. So then we went in. I was putting on a brave face, but it looked pretty legit, so I wasn't really sure I wouldn't be scared. The workers were already getting in my face. They always chose me!! We got past the line and entered the Forrest and it wasn't very long before I was hanging onto Dylan. He was a gentlemen and didn't push me off, which I was grateful for because I would not have enjoyed going through that thing alone. hahaha I don't usually get scared, but that was when the haunted houses/trails were being worked by my Physics teacher and my friends. Out in corn fields that we drive past every day. Not is a legit forest with things getting so close to you that you can smell their bad breath. And they always went for me!!!! There was one part that I suddenly became aware that instead of holding his arm, we were holding hands.... hm.... ok, so I switched back as sneakily as possible to his arm, and walked on through the scariness. But it happened about 2 more times. I don't know why. I don't even know if he noticed. He didn't seem to mind, because it was me that kept switching back to his arm. I didn't want to let go of him though because truth be known, I was so scared! There was one room in the haunted hotel part that was just hanging clothes everywhere. You could see anything but clothes. If I didn't have Dylan's arm I would have gotten so lost! We saw the woman who was scaring people, and we tried to keep track of her but then she disappeared and we were like, "Where did she go?!" And then she was suddenly right between us! We both screamed and I practically jumped in his arms, it was very Scooby Doo. None of it was awkward, I just didn't know if the holding hands thing was ok or not. I was fine with it. ;] Just didn't know if he was. Plus, he's my FHE dad. This needs to be platonic. hehe..... I don't know. He's good looking though. And then he was sneaky again and paid for my food when we went to Arby's too. Very much the gentlemen. And then again he is also turning in his mission papers in December. So proud of my Dad. hahahahaha I'm going to stop thinking about it, so that I don't complicate everything in my head. Blah!

So then Sunday was goo because it is Sunday is always good. But also because for sacrament meeting we did a hymn program. It's like fast and testimony meeting, minus the fast, and instead of testimony you go up and give your fave hymn and why, and we sing a verse. Very cool, the spirit was so strong I basically cried the whole thing. "I just have so many feelings." Also being the chorister, I had to lead every song. So I was moving my arm the entire hour. I thought my arm would die, but I could have done it all day. It was amazing. =] So much fun. Then after church I went to choir which was awesome, and then home. Quinton, Sheldon, and Michelle were there for our traditional Sunday Dinner. The other Michelle and Killi were missing, and they were missed. We had curry, spicy and delicious. yay life. =]

So that was my weekend. Very eventful, and very good. The best of weekends. I dread Monday though, and now that it is almost over I am very happy. I won't be going to Student Development though. That class is SO pointless. Once a week I have to listen for two hours about nonsense. Last Monday I had to listen to two hours of How To Listen. Yes. So today, since I have a ton of reading to do, a test to study for, and a paper to at least start on, I will be skipping the most pointless class of all classes. This is my one skip for this class that I will allow all year. I shall treasure it. I hate this class.argh.


BUT! FHE IS TONIGHT! We are carving pumpkins. So excited. YAY LIFE! =D

Soooooo...... life. Yeah

Song of the blog: Kiss Me_New Found Glory

Life, gotta love it. I was in the shower this morning, of course that is where I do my deepest thinking, and I realized that I got 5,500 in Pell Grant plus my 750 ACG Grant, so why did I only get a little over 2,000 in the mail? I talked to the student advis center and he said that I will still have to make monthly payments on my housing, so I can't pay it all at once, so my total grant check should have been almost 5,000, after only paying what I owe for my back housing payments. Unless it had gone through and payed for the whole year, then I should have that money. But then I remembered that it splits it into semesters, and so this all makes much more sense. yay life. I don't have missing money.

So past my shower thought, today I had no music class and I liked sleeping in, but I miss that class, it is my flavorite.

In other news, construction, it stinks. Never marry a construction worker, because no matter how hard you try your house and all the vicinity around him will smell like BO and feces. And you can't go to visit him and take him out to lunch on his birthday with the kids, (Or without ;) because you will have to put on a hard hat before you go in, and then if the smell doesn't kill you and the kidos, then the dust will. And then you will have to be content to go to MacDonalds and drive out everyone with the smell.

My toe just went numb. Random.


So the shopping thing today is a no go. Everyone but Tauni made different plans, leaving me to walk maybe, if I'm that utterly determined to go to the mall. And it is tempting actually. My shoes are falling apart, and I need some more clothes that I can wear to work. I also need a new backpack because mine broke and I'm just borrowing one from Julliana. It looks like I'll be borrowing it for another week, because I am not spending the money to get one at the bookstore on campus because they are way overpriced.

Can't wait until 5 o clock. At that time the weekend begins, and other than some reading for two classes, I have NO HOMEWORK!! Yay!