Why Are Highlighters So Darn Cool?

Song of the blog: I have no idea today. Summer. Oh! Stir it up_ Bob Marley and the Wailers

3 WEEKS!!!!! Only 3 weeks until I fly away and I don't come back for like 3 and a half months! I'm getting on an airoplane and I'm flyin through the sky away to Kansas. I'm going to love every single second. That reminds me, I need to call Nicole. If you are reading this, I have a question for you. Colby just called and she wants to go pick me up from Topeka from your place. I told her I would talk to you and see how that works. I don't mind either way, I will just be so happy to be home that I will be high on life. I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Love Is My Religion_ Ziggy Marley (O.o)


This. Is. An. Airplane.

I'm the smiley girl with the curly hair. XD

Gosh, life is good. =]

So on my schedule for the summer?

1: Don't think. No thinking. This is not allowed.
2: Possibly get a job. Deffinitly do some work for the Smiths to earn some money over the summer. (Thinking is allowed during this time.)
3: Sleep in. Every single day.
4: Fall asleep in a feild of grass somewhere.
5: Dance in the rain. Every. Time. It. Rains.
6: Listen to music. Constantly.
7: Read books, devour them in a day like I used to.

Stone Love_ Pepper

8: Dance down the street because I can.
9: Go for a run every day. Drag my Daddy along whenever I can.
10: While I'm running, I will visit every place in Parsons that has a memory. This may take all summer. XD
11: Get a haircut from Laurie. Gosh I miss my stylist. ;)
12: Get Joe to teach me how to drive a stick. By the end of the summer, I will be driving that Mustang. XD
13: Paint a mural on the side of my Daddy's house. =] If he will let me. And if it doesn't rain too much. hahaha
14: Go to Warped Tour!!!! Ah!

This. Is.... Warped Tour!!

So excited about this, you have no idea.

15: Go to Peter's Chinese.
16: Go to Coffeyville to that horribly amazing Chinese Buffet with Colby.
17: Go to Long John Silvers with Colby.
18: Do you see why I'm going running every day?
19: Make cheesecake. A lot of cheesecake.
20: Eat Sonic at some point.
21: Run through a field of corn. Just to say I've done it.

Jah Ina Yuh Life_ Gentlemen

22: Take pictures of EVERYTHING.
23: Spend as little time on facebook as POSSIBLE. I want to be doing things, out in the world, living. Not staring at a computer screen.
24: Make a lemonade stand.
25: Sing. Sing. Sing all the time. I can't wait to sing with Colby again. =]
26: Run around Coffeyville with Colby.
27: Visit the Dodds.
28: Play outside with the Dodd children until I'm out of breath.

Intoxication_ Gentlemen

29: Make a cake with the Dodd children. Play tag with the Dodd Children. Drink Orange juice and Apple Juice with the Dodd children. Eat randomly shaped sandwiches with the Dodd children.
30: Make a fort with the Dodd children. Pretend we are pirates. Sail the seven seas. Logan can be superman. I must make him a cape and bring it for him. Read to the Dodd Children. Buy the Dodd children ice cream. Kiss the Dodd children before they go to bed.
31: Learn how to cook some of those amazing meals that Nicole knows how to make. Watch T.V. with Nicole. Talk with Nicole. Do whatever with Nicole.
32: Kick the Dodd parents out the Dodd house for a Dodd date whilst me and the Dodd children trash the Dodd house.;D
33: Listen to cool music with Nicole. Watch sports with Mark. (Maybe.. hahaha) Listen to Mark and Nicole talk about BYU and love it. =]
34: Do random living things, being a piece of furniture in the Dodd's wonderful life. I love doing that. =]
35: Do Not Shop. Too much... ;D

This. Is. Kansas.

Isn't it great? I miss this. Notice there are no mountains. (I like the mountains, but they block my view of the world. Here, you can see forever.)


I could go on forever with this list. Honestly I just can't wait for the magic and the endlessness of summer. There is something about summer that just has everything about it. Anything can happen during the summer. Anything!

I miss Kansas. I miss my ghetto neighborhood. I miss being able to see the stars at night. I miss the fireflies at night. Britta told me to catch a firefly for her and take a picture of it for her. (Actually first she wanted me to send it the mail. We had to tell her that that would kill the poor bug.) (I love my Weird Things. =])

Music Is My Only Friend_ John Brown's Body

Magic. I can't wait for magic. =]

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!

Level with your child by being honest. Nobody spots a phony quicker than a child. 

Mary MacCracken

 

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it. 

David Starr Jordan (1851 - 1931), The Philosophy of Despair

 

Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.

Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)

 

INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary

He who laughs, lasts! 

Mary Pettibone Poole

 

Viewed from the summit of reason, all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a madhouse. 

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

 

Be more splendid, more extraordinary. Use every moment to fill yourself up. 

Oprah Winfrey (1954 - ), O Magazine, February 2003

 

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? 

Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)

 

The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. 

Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)

Unicurms.....

Song of the blog: I'd Like To_ Corinne Bailey Ray

Hold music. Elevator music. It's interesting. Usually it is from a ballet, did you know that? It is always, in my experience, either a ballet, or a Romantic symphony. Yeah. I want to get into an elevator one day and hear a Gregorian Chant. That would make my day. =]

This. Is. A. Building.

 Can I LIVE here???? Please???

So, it's Wednesday. I love Wednesdays. But today I am still in this mood of random whateverness. Yes, I am going to see Guy today in class but I'm not excited and I'm not nervous and I'm not... anything. I was talking to my mom tomorrow and she had this to say, "For the next two months say you have a date every weekend. 2 full months. At the end of those two months, he will want to be one of those dates." And my thought? I don't HAVE two months. This made me think of the fact that I will only be here for 3 more weeks and then I will be in Kansas for like 3 months. So what am I doing? Sticking around, waiting for him to decide he wants to be in my life? When I get back I will probably never see him again. We won't have a class together anymore, and he won't call. (Why am I so confident that he won't call?)  So really, what am I doing? I wish there was some miraculous way for this to work, but it won't. So why cry over spilled... heart? hahaha I'll remain friends with him. But really, I need to face the music. Blurb.

And now, I leave this short blog with my...

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!

The roots of true achievement lie in the will to become the best that you can become. 

Harold Taylor

 

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. 

 Don Herold

 

The better part of valor is discretion, in the which better part I have saved my life. 

 William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), 'King Henry IV part I'

 

Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play, you can't win.

Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988)

 

"E Means Epic Fail." I Quote.

Song of the blog: What The Hell_ Avril Lavigne

It's Tuesday. I don't really like Tuesdays. Bleh. Normally. But today I am oddly in an ok mood. It's a sort of melancholy happy. I just am. I be what I be. I feel like dancing around just to be dancing, not really in celebration of life or anything, just cuz I can. It is what it is. Life is. I am. We are. Existing. That's the only way I can explain it. It's chill. Acceptance of the universe. (It must be hippie day? No. I'm not a hippie. =p)

This. Is. A. Teapot.

Ninja Teapot.

Last night I was not so chill. I was reading my Economist for Current Events and there was article about Japan and the death toll and the effects that the radiation could be having and the nuclear plants that were damaged and how it could damage Japan's economy. And then I was telling Eliza some of the facts that were daunting. Then Eliza got something in the mail from the Navy, "Join the Navy!" it said, "No way!" she said. "OH MY GOSH EMILIO!!!!" I said. Immediate panic. I don't have his number, all I can do is friend request him on facebook 6 months before I am supposed to and make sure he is alive. He is. He still hasn't answered me, but at least he is alive. I was freaking out. He's right on the coast too. I don't know why I didn't realize this before, but I didn't. But now I do. He seems fine, I just want to talk to him. Make sure. And such.

This. Is. A. Toilet Paper Holder.

I have mixed feelings about this....

I love this song. The song of the blog currently today at this time. It's fun. When I dance today, I will dance to this song. I danced this morning to this song. Fun stuff. Fun stuff.

To be a tad on the silly side is a great blessing. Why be so serious all time? Why worry so much? I don't know. I get out of bed and I usually think, "Dang, woke up late again." Then I look in the mirror and I think, :Dang." ('nuff said.) Then I eat some Special K and think, "Strawberriiiiiiiiiies. Happinesssssss." Then I turn on some music and turn on my curling iron and I do a jig cuz life is living and I am breathing. I dance in front of the mirror and watch my curls bounce. I love that. Bouncing curls. Yeah. Then I get dressed and put on my make-up and all the while I check the clock and I think, "Dang, I'm gonna be late." Then I grab my back-pack, turn off all the lights and shut down my laptop, and I walk out the door. I turn on my ipod and I think, "Yes. Tunage." I turn it up as loud as I can without blowing my eardrums. I walk to the light and I think, "Which way shall I walk today?" The white man will appear and I'll walk in whatever direction he appears first. I look at the sky and I look at the mountains and I think, "I wish the mountains would disappear just for a day. I miss Kansas." I keep walking. Maybe a song will come on that speaks to me and I will listen to it twice. I always get to class on time, or 3 minutes late, never more. There is no need to rush this process. Enjoy life while you have it. Look around you and pay attention because when you are old and gray and laying in your death bed you are not going to think, "Yes. I was on time my whole life. I hurried everywhere and made every deadline. I accomplished so many things in a timely manner. I love my timeliness. I can now die happily." No. If you do, you have some serious problems that should be taken care of now before you reach that point.

This. Is. A. Box.

I know that the box says linux, but I don't care. It's about the penguin. And it's about the box itself. This box is your life. Now close your eyes. Well.... ok, don't close your eyes. You have to read the next step. Let me start over.
1: Hypothetically close your eyes. Your... mind's eyes...
2: Picture yourself in a room with Jesus. You are sitting in a mansion in Heaven.
3: You are chatting and you have so many questions that you don't even know where to start.
4: He says, "This is where we will start."
5: He points to this box.

That's it. The deep story. He points to a box. But remember, this box is your life. How will you look at this box? What will be in this box? I assure you that I do not think being on time for everything is NOT important. It is very important. It shows character and commitment. But it also what you were committed to. If I open my box and it says that I was on time for work every day and I never missed a class in my life. (Which it will not say.) Then I would be happy. But if it said that, and then I was late to even one birthday party, one anniversary dinner, one school play, one sports game, then I would say I had lived a sad life indeed.If I'm going to be on time for all career related things, then I better be on time for the most important things. I will never miss a game, a birthday, a worry, a trial, for my family. I do have a career that I want to pursue but once I become a mother I will be a mother before anything else. I want my box to say that. I also want my box to say that I never gave up. Since knowing Guy, I have realized that when you close your heart off then you are hurting yourself and those who care about you. I don't think I will end up with Guy, but I have learned that the fairy tale is worth never giving up on. I will meet the right person someday and he will treat me how I should be treated and so on and so on. So if I give up on the fairy tale then really I am hurting my own future. I also want my box to say that I followed the Savior. When Christ points at my box, I don't want to be ashamed and say something like, "Lets have lunch first!" I don't want to open my box and see things I never repented of, and see people I hurt because of my carelessness. I never want that. My bishop's wife has a saying that I love sooo much. "You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be perfect at repentance." Now, this will be a lifetime of work, but I can't wait to live tomorrow and the next day and the next day and keep working on myself. I can't wait to keep getting better.

This. Is. A. Shovel.

Yeah, weird....

Anywayz. That is only half of what I want my box to say. What do you want your box to say? Everyone has something. Something they strive for. Some quality that they wish they possessed. The thing is though, we can't ever give up. That is accepting defeat, that is letting Satan win, that is cowardice of the acutest kind. It's not just giving up on the fairy tale, it's giving up on life. On striving to be the person you know you can be. It comes a little at a time, and I know that I have yet to be very good at his always progressing concept, but we can't give up. I refuse to look in the mirror and say, "This is who I am. This is who I will always be. I will never progress more. And I will never be any worse. I am this person forever." I love who I am. I accept who I am, but I want to progress. I want to always move forward. I want to keep learning and trying and living my life. Maybe this is why Guy and me just will never work out. It seems like he has given up. I just can't comprehend that. I hope he will learn someday that giving up is not getting out of the way of another failure. Giving up is letting failure take over your life.

This. Is. A. Car.

I saw lots of pictures of really cool cars, and some that are supposed to be cool but just....aren't. And then I saw this car. It's amazing. In a very amazing sort of way. Amazingly, I want it.

I want my life to be full of, "There was this one time...." s. Plural...  I want lots of experiences, lots of times to tell about when I'm old and gray. And when I'm old and gray, I want to have more times. I want to keep having times until the day I day. And when I die, I want to think, "Dang. That was certainly a time."

Rainbow Bridge To Rainbow Clouds To My Rainbowy, Sparkly Castle.

Song of the blog: Hands_ Jewel

I don't know why I haven't made this a song of the blog yet. I have loved this song since the first time I heard it, which was in... middle school? Wow.... I'm getting old guys.

Anywayz. Life is good. I keep myself bus at work with my friend Kaleb, who is quite funny. I keep myself busy at home with homework and with Eliza, who is becoming a better friend every day. This last weekend was hefty though. haha

Friday. Guy canceled. I'm trying to tell myself that I don't care. It was nothing. Whatever. But I cared. In other news, there are still starving children in the world.

It's pointless to dwell on this stuff. That is what I'm learning. I need to just live my life and if he wants to be a part of it then he will, if not then it was never meant to be in the first place and I should move on. So I went on a date with someone else on Saturday. I don't really like him like that, but Tim set it up so that he could get a date with Eliza, which didn't end up happening, and I also discovered the not so nice side of Tim. All in all, the date was kinda awkward. But I liked shooting at the CD's. I was the first to hit it. =] I still don't appreciate guns as use for killing things, but clay and CD's are fun. The date itself though backfired, the whole time I just wished that Guy was there. Which is not what I was going for.

This. Is. A. Tie.

I want one. =D haha

So I have to proctor in about 20 minutes. I hate proctoring. I don't know why. I could get so much done in there, and I can get on facebook, I've even watched an episode of Invader Zim before (Which I felt very guilty about and have never done again because it's wrong.). Everyone loves proctoring. Then there is me, the exception it seems to every of thumb. My thumbs don't do rules.

This. Is. A. Rule.

Don't Do It.

Man. I am starving. I'm going to take my break here before I proctor and eat something. That sounds fantastical.

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. 

Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000)

 

Anyone who goes through life trusting people without making sure they are worthy of trust is a fool. Yet there are people who may be trusted, men as well as women. There are are as many difference in their natures as there are flowers in these meadows. 

Elizabeth Aston, The Exploits & Adventures of Miss Alethea Darcy, 2005

 

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him. 

Russell Baker (1925 - )

 

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. 

H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956), on Shakespeare

 

And finally, this dance. The judges are on here too, but I don't really care about them for this dance. I could watch this dance all day long. It is magic, and love, and perfection. I heart this dance. It is what we all want, this is what we all long for on the inside. In 1 and a half minutes, it captures so much! (By the way, these are mormons. ;) 

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. 

Rita Rudner

Smile, You're A Flower!!

Song of the blog: When You Say Nothing At All_ Allison Krauss

TODAY IS FRIDAY!!!! YAY FRIDAY!!!!

I love Fridays. Seriously.

In case you didn't notice.

This. Is. A. Frame.

hehe cute. =]

News: I don't know what to put for news.
Wait. Well, this is bad news. I decided to look at my credit card statements yesterday because I got a piece of mail that said I was overdue on a payment. I don't HAVE payments. So I got online and low and behold it says I owe 500 dollars. I SPRINTED to my room where I keep my credit card deep in a drawer never touched. It was there, so nobody stole it. Still. I haven't bought anything on that card since Christmas and then I made a huge payment that should have added like 100 dollars to my credit. I made sure online that my payment went through, and it did. Months ago. They should owe ME money. So I am going to the bank as soon as I get off of work to file this, because I am not paying this random 500 dollars to the bank. There BETTER be some kind of mix up, because I really don't want to be a victim of fraud at only 19 years old. That does not sound like a fun time. Pray for me guys.

But I'm still in a really good mood. What in the world is wrong with me?

This. Is. A. Shoe.

Yeah. I want a pair. Bad. No. I want a huge one that I can live in. ;D

Tonight shall be the all night reading of the BoM. I'm quite excited for this. For multiple reasons. One being that he will be there. DTR guy. I need a new name for him.... Wendover guy? I don't know. Any suggestions? I am open to them. But I can't wait to see him. x ) It will also be just an awesome experience in general. =]

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!

Both the cockroach and the bird would get along very well without us, although the cockroach would miss us most. 

Joseph Wood Krutch (1893 - 1970)

 

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. 

Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

 

Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.

Marshal Ferdinand Foch (1851-1929), French military strategist, 1911, July 18 2005 Information Week, P.72   (How wrong was HE???)

If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. 

Marie Osmond

 

Dwell not upon thy weariness, thy strength shall be according to the measure of thy desire. 

Arab Proverb

 

Life without emotions is like an engine without fuel.

Mary Astor

Silver Boom

Song of the blog: All Star_ Smashmouth

Today is a dreary day. I want the sun back that was out yesterday. haha Yesterday was SUCH a good day! I love Wednesdays!! Thursdays on the other hand kind of stink. Thursday is when you are looking forward to Friday and you want it to be Friday and so you get nothing done because you just want it to be FRIDAY!! At least me anyways. I want it to be Friday. Quite Badly I want it to be Friday.

This. Is. A. Calender.

Yeah, it's kinda cool. haha

In other news. Current Events Class. Yesterday. Was brilliant. I am in very deep like. haha I really hope that this keeps going like it did yesterday. At this pace. Moving forward. That would be perfect. No more back and forth, just let it turn into what it wants to turn into. Flow. =] But yeah, deep like. Very deep like. And happiness when he is around. Pure happiness. =D

This. Is. A. Plate.

Kind of cool.

I was talking to my wonderful friend and neighbor, Shayli, yesterday. We realized in conversation that we love everyone. Everyone. Really. There is not a single person on this earth that we do not love. I think that's pretty cool. And then we commenced to be the most awesome dorks the world has ever seen. Can't touch this! And Shayli might come to Kansas with me. I am fully encouraging this. We would all have so much a blast. And her presence will help me to be a good girl, even when I don't want to be. =] She flipped when she found out we are going to Warped Tour too. I really hope she is for cereal and she will come. That would be most epic. An epicness of most epic proportions. =D

This. Is. A. Cloud.

Such a cute lil cloud. XD

So Friday. What is happening on Friday? Everything is happening on Friday.

On Friday I might go to the temple right after work. Because I can, and in preparation for the other thing that is happening in Friday.
On Friday my ward is having an all-nighter read-the-Book-of-Mormon-in-12-Hours Activity. And he is coming. My guy who is not yet my guy, but will hopefully soon be my guy. He will be a little late, and honestly I don't want to get my hopes up in case he just randomly decides not to come, but come on, I am me. My hopes are up. Way up. That he will come. He said he would, but I always have to doubt and yet believe. Because I am weird.
On Friday I get out of work at 2. I love days that I get out of work at 2. The day just goes by faster. Unlike today, when I get off at 3, and I just glanced at the clock and it has only been 17 minutes since the last time I glanced at the clock. Ugh!
On Friday, it will be Friday. There is something about Fridays that are just amazing.
On Friday I only have ONE class. Biology. Which may have been canceled now that I think of it because out professor is out of town. That would ROCK! I would have no class! Woo! I love Fridays. =]
On Friday, everyone is happier, it's never boring, and life in general is just better. Yay!

This. Is. A. Hat.

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!

Through all the world there goes one long cry from the heart of the artist: Give me leave to do my utmost. 

Isak Dineson, 'Babette's Feast'

 

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult. 

Charlotte Whitton, Canada Month, June 1963

 

The trick is not how much pain you feel - but how much joy you feel. Any idiot can feel pain. Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses. 

Erica Jong

 

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. 

Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Pride and Prejudice, first line

 

Eternity is not something that begins after you are dead. It is going on all the time. We are in it now. 

Charlotte P Gilman

The Pursuit Of Mangos, Which Are Happiness. And Oranges, Mayhaps Extra Happiness.

Song of the blog: If You're Gone_ Matchbox Twenty

So I noticed that my titles haven't been making much sense. So I decided to keep that little theme there. I dig it. ;D

I am soooo glad that I decided to just be my happy self yesterday. I am a happy person. It is my nature. So making that decision to just let the pieces fall where they may made all the difference in my countenance. Today I walked to school and the moon was stark in the sky, it was so beautiful! And then my bio class was canceled so I ate breakfast (rare) and I walked around until work. This was such a good walk! Especially since I had this wonderful view of the temple as I walked and it just made me so happy that I thought my heart would beat out of my chest. I'm so excited about life! To live is such an adventure and I love every second of it!

This. Is. A. Bear.

So heartrendingly cute.

Today is Wednesday. I dig Wednesdays, they are a digable day of the week. You know what happens on Wednesdays? Well, let me tell you. ;)
On Wednesdays, I always wake up in a good mood. I don't know why, it's been like that for years.
On Wednesdays, I watch Glee on Hulu and it makes me so happy inside. =]
On Wednesdays, I tend to dress my cutest because I'm not stuck in the proctoring room anymore and I want to celebrate.
On Wednesdays, I am a morning person.
On Wednesdays, I realize that when today is over, it will be Thursday, and when Thursday is over, it will be Friday. I LOVE FRIDAYS.
On Wednesdays, I have Current Events Class. <3 
On Wednesday, I count the seconds until another second and I don't even know what I'm counting down to. Another second of life mayhaps? Pure enjoyment. =]

This. Is. A. Card.

Haha, cool business card. =p

Me and my roommate have gotten along really well lately. I'm not sure what it is that made us not get along before, but now it's great. I actually wish we had more time in that apartment to be happy like this. We talk about everything, and it's made both of us just generally happier. The saying is true that if you like being home you will like being... um, what is the rest of that saying? I don't know. haha It's been good though. I really like it.

This. Is. A. Sign.

I want this sign. Really badly. haha =D

Calls are really slow today, so I have plenty of time to add some wonderful wisdom to this blog. To teach you about life and make you want to go and kiss a baby and plant a tree!

.............. Wisdom seems to be lacking today. =p But you should kiss a baby and plant a tree anyway. Because those are all good things, and who doesn't like kissing babies?

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!

Only by seeking challenges can we hope to find the best in ourselves. 

Robert Rodriguez, Spy Kids 3-D Game Over

 

Be life long or short, its completeness depends on what it was lived for. 

David Starr Jordan (1851 - 1931)

 

You can cover a great deal of country in books.

Andrew Lang (1844 - 1912)

 

One sock, two sock, yellow sock, pink sock (with black zebra stripes, yeah)

Song of the blog: Shame For You_ Lily Allen

So my deposit for my apartment finally went through. Now I am more poor than poor can be. I hate it. I swear this semester was all about making things crash so that I had to spend all my money on random stupid stuff. Now I am living paycheck to paycheck. It's making me hate life.

This. Is. A. Wallet.

  And it's wicked cool.

I can't hate life. Life is too cool. But all this intensity lately is getting tiring. I really just want to go back to every day not boring life with nothing to report but pure happiness. Can I have that back now? Please? I just want life to flow, and I want everything to shine the way it did last week. Everything was great before this drama. Sigh. Don't get me wrong, I want to be with him and everything, but I just want to live my life with him in it. I don't want the constant drama. I feel like I'm back in high school. You couldn't pay me enough to go back! I want normal, I want routine, and I want him to be a part of my normal routine. That is really all I want. Why is that difficult?

This. Is. A. Footrest.

Interesting.

I know that it's not difficult. I have this battle going in my head where I think, "You promised to stick by him!" "Yeah well, he didn't promise me squat. What is keeping him from never talking to me again?" "Are you that unsure of this?" "No..." "I think you are." "It's him I'm not sure of..." Etc. Etc.
It goes on and on. It's very tiring. I'm exhausted. Tired of this whole thing, but the smallest chance that it could work keeps me hanging on. I'm ridiculous.

This. Is. A. Battery.

 And it's cool.

I decided what I'm going to do though. I'm going to just keep going on with life, not add to the drama, and just be my happy self. I'm a happy person, which is why this is all so exhausting. So I'll just keep being my happy self person. "Don't worry bout a thing, cuz every thing is gonna be alright!" That is something to live by my friends. Don't worry, because everything that happens, happens for a reason, and it is all leading us to our eternity. So why fear? Why worry? Why frown? Just smile. =] Just laugh. =D Just be happy, and life will work out. =]

This is such a childlike approach. Thats good right? =p

This. Is. A. Bottle.

Hmmm....

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're afraid to let someone else see your weakness, take heart: Nobody's perfect. Besides, your attempts to hide your flaws don't work as well as you think they do. 

Julie Morgenstern, O Magazine, April 2004

 

The best effect of fine persons is felt after we have left their presence. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882), Journals, 1839

 

It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time.

Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

 

Live simply that others may simply live. 

Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948)

Every experience in life, everything with which we have come in contact in life, is a chisel which has been cutting away at our life statue, molding, modifying, shaping it. We are part of all we have met. Everything we have seen, heard, felt, or thought has had its hand in molding us, shaping us.

Orison Swett Marden (1850 - 1924)

"Sir, I'm willing to work with you, if you could please stop cursing."

Song of the blog: Your Song_ Elton John (But also the Moulin Rouge version sung by Ewan McGregor.)

As for the title. I love my job. haha

So today I forgot several things as I rished out the door. Rished.... New word born by typo. =]

1: My wallet. I won't be eating today I guess.
2: My skirt. My dear friend Breyandi saved me and I am currently wearing her white skirt. I won't be kicked out of work today. =p
3: Shoes. Non-Batman Converse Shoes. So with Breyandi's white skirt, my red shirt and black sweater, I am wearing batman converse. I kinda dig it to be truthful. ;D
4: My memory. I'm putting everything I need to do today in my phone because of this. And in planning my day, I realized that I probably won't have time to take a walk up to the temple today like I wanted to. This is sad.
5: My orange juice. This is an extension of forgetting my wallet. I need some orange today. Badly. In a bad way. All those phrases that mean desperately. =p   D=

This. Is. A. Pair of headphones.

Show Cara these. =] Or don't, because then she will want them. Kinda like I want them.

This has been one very intense weekend. So intense in fact that it has surpassed the weekend and it continues to frighten me. But of being me, I can show no fear. ;] I simply pray that whatever happens the Lord will strengthen my back to bear the load. I would say that I have been through worse, but I just don't don't want to got through more. I don't think my back at the moment can handle that... But I'll be fine. I'm a positive person, and one thing I have always liked about myself is that I never give up hope. Even though the fairytale seems pretty far fetched sometimes. But what did we talk about last week? Live not in fear my friends. Jump off every cliff you can, because someday you won't get bruised at the bottom and you'll never have to jump again. =]

This. Is. A. Button.

I want this button.

I want to watch Moulin Rouge. I'm having that movie craving. I own it, it's on my laptop, I just need to find the time, and someone to watch it with me. blurb. I don't know what else to write about, so I will just not write anything more.

This. Is. A. Pin.

Or a few million pins. XD

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

 

Sometimes old things need to go away. That way, we have room for the new things that come into our lives. 

Randy K. Milholland, Something Positive webcomic, 09-17-05

 

My evil genius Procrastination has whispered me to tarry 'til a more convenient season. 

Mary Todd Lincoln (1818 - 1882)

 

Lasting change is a series of compromises. And compromise is all right, as long your values don't change.

Jane Goodall (1934 - )

 

I have found that it don't really matter if you're brought up fine or rough, but that it helps to have someone to spill your sorrows to. 

Erica Eisdorfer, The Wet Nurse's Tale, 2009

Sound Effects Make Everything Better

Song of the blog: Knock 'Em Out_ Lily Allen

I like Lily Allen. She amuses me. haha ;D

This. Is. A. Mouse.

And rather gross if you ask me.

I leave for Wendover today around 3ish. I expect a good time. It will be amusing. And just to be completely clear, I won't be gambling. I will be watching. That is perfectly legal. Thank you. =]

I have no idea what to write about. haha Well, my biology teacher flipped us all off in class today. It was great. He didn't mean it angrily, he was trying to show us how hooves work and different mutations that can occur. Turns out horses all walk on their 3rd digit and the other ones are like our tail bones. There, but not there. haha See the mental picture?



This. Is. A. Glove.

Cute huh?

Random Quotes!!!!!!

There was a definite process by which one made people into friends, and it involved talking to them and listening to them for hours at a time.

Rebecca West (1892 - 1983)

 

If you don't risk anything you risk even more. 

Erica Jong

 

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. 

Steve Martin (1945 - )

 

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. 

Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)

 

If you really want something, and really work hard, and take advantage of opportunities, and never give up, you will find a way. 

Jane Goodall (1934 - )

 

A chinese philosopher once had a dream that he was a butterfly. From that day on, he was never quite certain that he was not a butterfly, dreaming that he was a man. 

Unknown

 

More than an end to war, we want an end to the beginnings of all wars. 

Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882 - 1945)

 

Without a dream to light your way, the world is a very dark place. 

Marrion Zimmer Bradley

Orange Juice With A Side Of Life.

Song of the blog: The Fear_ Lily Allen

I really love this song. I've been thinking a lot about the fear lately, not exactly what Missa Allen sings about here, but fear in general and what it keeps us from experiencing. There was a general authority that said that fear is not of God. The Holy Ghost will never make us fearful, fear comes purely from Satan.

On that note, what are we all so afraid of? What makes us so fearful of life? I have been terrified, I have been scared, I have been afraid. Looking back on those times, it all seems so silly. Why be afraid of life? Every experience we have is just a building block onto what we will be. Why fear the jump that will help us to eventually fly?

Some fear that flight. I know I used to. Fear of happiness, but really fearing getting the happiness and then losing it. It's more of a belief that nothing good can stay and whatever you do to hang onto it won't matter because you WILL lose it. Unhappiness is life and happiness is a dream within that life. Of course, this is so far from the truth that I find it comical. Life IS happiness. Just wake up and open your eyes and SEE this world that we have the opportunity to live in!!! It's amazing! look at every color, every breeze, every sunrise and sunset, every star, every drop of rain in this little life that we all are a part of. It's pure. It's fantastic. It's life. That is why life is happiness. Dance down the street my friends, YOU'RE ALIVE!!!!!

This. Is. A. Phone.

Well, two phones. ;)

I don't feel like naming all the fears, because they all come down to the same answer. Life is an adventure. We are here to experience, to learn, to become like our Heavenly Father. How can we do that if we don't LIVE? Life is such a grand slam plan man! (I meant to do that, it was kinda cheesy. =p) But really. I'm for real. For cereal. For fruity pebbles. Watch the sunset, run through the sprinklers, dance in the rain, smile like an idiot because when they stare at you it's because they are jealous. They are jealous that you have the courage to enjoy life in a way that they don't. We as human beings have all these fears. "What will people think? Will they judge me?" Who cares!! They don't give the final judgment, God does, and He will not scoff at you for doing a dance in the rain for the joy of being alive. He will applaud you I promise. =]

I know a few people who live this fear. the fear of being judged by others. In my life I have rarely feared this. There are very few situations that I fear the thoughts of others in, and I've never really understood this whole peer pressure thing. I live for me and God. It's all so simple if you think of it like that. For instance I just started singing without realizing it. hahaha I think it's funny. A few words sung = a few happy seconds.

This. Is. A. Key.

I want this key.


So I'm going to name another fear. Fear of failure. It's tied very loosely to the above fears. I think fear of failure makes you afraid of everything. It just eats at you until you are afraid to even leave your house. This is, in my opinion, the most dangerous of fears. We can fail at anything. We can fail as we walk down the street. We can fail at telling a joke if no one laughs, we can fail at writing a paper when we get a bad grade, we can fail at asking someone out when they say no, we can fail at getting up in the morning when we have a bad day. Truth is, failure is part of the beauty of life. This whole growing and learning thing needs us to fail at things so we can grow from them. It's not just some sick joke in place to keep us humble. (Although that could be part of it. hahaha) It's mostly for us. It also goes to the saying that goes something like, we would not know the sweet if we did not taste the bitter. That statement is pure genius. It's so true. If I didn't run into all the things I DON'T want in life then I wouldn't know what I want when I saw it. And I pride myself in knowing what I want when I see it. ;D

Life Update: I'm going to Wendover this Friday with DTR guy and a bunch of his friends. I know. I'm surprised too. But alas, his bipolar nature continues. I've ceased to expect anything from him. I'm just going with the flow now. Not the same kind of flow that I talked about that other time. This is a very different flow. This flow is now just one that I am watching with a smile. I don't really think it will go anywhere, so I watch it for the comedy. It keeps things interesting. He probably won't ever make up his mind, kind of like Felix. Unlike Felix though, I can enjoy it and get a trip to Wendover out of it. XD Man, I love life. =]

Random Quotes!!!!!!

After being Turned Down by numerous Publishers, he had decided to write for Posterity. 

George Ade (1866 - 1944), "Fables in Slang", 1899

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. 

Henry Kissinger (1923 - )

 

Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy. 

Janet Long

Shiny Green Rings

Song of the blog: Strawberry Wine_ Deana Carter

I don't know what to blog about lately. haha If I keep talking about how much I love life, it will either get repetitive or I will only blog about once a month. This will not do. I talked too long about the cowboy yesterday. I didn't even really like him that much. Just twitterpated. hahaha I'm already over it.

This. Is. A. Desk.

I want to know what it's made of. =]

Remember that guy that I had the DTR with? Yeah, that one. We haven't talked now for almost 2 weeks. Oh, I saw him once, in passing, he asked about my grandpa and updated me on his oh-so-important vegetables. I don't know what to make of all of it. He looked hurt that I hadn't talked to him, but it's not like he has tried very hard to get ahold of me. Or at all really. So he can't say anything. When I'm completely honest with myself though, I know that I wish he would try. It could be awesome if he would just try.

This. Is. A. Duck.

Rubber Ducky, Your The One. You Make... Fishing? So Much Fun!

This is a good song: Square One_ Tom Petty and the Heart breakers

In more news. Felix. He has a good memory. Better than I ever thought he had. He also decided yesterday and today to show me by remembering our relationship. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm trying not to remember with him, I can't promise that this is working... I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember loving him and then being crushed. It was because of that pain that I stopped feeling, and now I'm better and I don't want to go back. I know that I won't go back. We can't. But I don't even want to remember. I want to just be his friend, live in the now, not in the past. Is that so bad? Can you blame me? I don't. So on with life!!

This. Is. An. Orange.

This orange is at California Adventure. I have been in it. I remember epicness, but everything was epic when I was 8. =]

Song of the .....day?: Mannequin_ Katy Perry

Today is Wednesday. For some reason I can't finish a blog in one day anymore. Other things come up and I just get busy. I started this at work yesterday and I had to read over it today cuz I forgot what I wrote. haha It's all so important to life right? Blurb.

Went to this noodle place last night with Eliza (roommate) and Sheldon(buddy). It's called.... The Noodle Company? No. Noodles and Company. That's it. Something like that. It was way good though. I want to go back. They have every kind of noodle that you could imagine. You can add tofu as well, so because I am me I had to ask the lady at the counter how the tofu is here. She said it's actually good. They season it separately and then add it to the recipe so it's good and it's not rubbery. After her little shpeel I was tempted to try it. haha But I didn't. =] I will someday though. haha

Yay Life!

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. 

Raymond Lindquist

 

Young people have an almost biological destiny to be hopeful. 

Marshall Ganz, quoted by Sara Rimer in New York Times

 

A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them. 

Leonard Louis Levinson

This Is Why. This Is When.

Song of the blog: Paperweight_ Joshua Radin & Schuler Fisk

This song is already on my playlist. Right at at the tippity top. I love this song a lot. It's one of my absolute favorites. =]

So On Saturday night I had the sudden urge to watch Singing in the Rain. I took my humanities test and in part of it I had to analyze the dance to this main song and it made me want to watch the movie. So I texted my Weird Things. aka: Britta Grubahm. I'm probably spelling her last name wrong. Shame on me. I call her my Weird Things though, we can't remember why this nickname came up, but it did, and that is she. She said that there were actually some people who wanted to get together and watch a movie that night too so we could all get together and watch something. "Saweet." When I got to their apartment we were all chatting and someone asked about Britta's friend from work who was coming. She said he's a cowboy and they are good friends but nothing more. We all forgot about it and talked of other things. Then he walked in. Holy Cowboy. Head to toe he was cowboyed up, giant belt buckle and all. My legs became jelly and my heart would not be still. I have always had a thing for cowboys. A secret thing, and I've never dated one, but who doesn't want a cowboy? I flirted with him the whole night, and wore his hat for half of it. The movie was Yes Man, and I love that movie, because it is hilorious. =] When he left, Britta looked at me and laughed. She has never seen me flirt like that. But what can I say? I have a weakness for cowboys. =]

He showed me tons of pictures of his family's ranch in Texas. It's beautiful. There was one picture that I made him stop on for a second longer. There were no mountains, and you could see forever. It made me really homesick. I like the mountains and all, but I miss being able to see forever. Everything seems so much more clear when nothing is disrupting my view. =] His horses are all gorgeous, and he has a younger sister and a younger brother that are just the cutenesses. =] I am completely crushing. It's innocent, and it's fun. =]

I love cowboys. =]

In other news, well, I don't know. My life is pretty awesome, and nothing too note worthy other than I love it.

Oh and I have a test at 2:30. Pray for me. ha.

I will fly, and I will stare into the sun and laugh. XD

Song of the blog: Fallen From The Sky_ Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova

I heart this song. =] Same people as the Swell Season. Such Greatness. =]

I love my life. =] My stupid little life with all of it's problems. I am thankful for my insecurities, my sad days, my bad hair days (not today by the way), my I feel like dressing weird days, my jeep buckle belt, my curly hair that goes flat by the day's end, my eyes that used to be blue but now they are this watered down green that no one has any clue where I got them, I love my music and how I can be listening to Underoath one minute and Kenny Chesney the next, I love how I can see the good in every detail like when I watch the sunset I can love every color and every swoop of the clouds and every line where the sky touches the earth, I love that I can walk down the street and smile and breath, I love that I have an apartment with a bed and food and a working kitchen, I love that I have a job and I work with awesome people, I love that I am going home this summer for almost 4 months, I love that I am going to Warped Tour, I love the weather and the sun and the breeze and the green and the light and the warm. =] Spring is here, and I really hope that it doesn't snow again!! But if it does, i will love my hatred for it, and I will love my ability to hate it. When I think like this, it is so hard to be anything but happy. It's a very weird process actually when this happens. I feel sad about something, then I think about how I have the ability to be sad, and how cool that is, and how cool it is that I'm alive, and how I love being alive, and I can't even be sad about what was making me sad because I end up being grateful for it. haha I'm weird.

So yeah, thats my stupid little ditty on why life and being alive is freakin awesome.

Sisterlove..... (From Yesterday.)

Song of the blog: La Paga_ Juanes feat. Black Eyed Peas
Actually, I don't want that song to be my song of the blog, even though I like it and I DO want it on here. So lets try that again.

Song of the blog: Oxford Comma_ Vampire Weekend

That is a little better. haha Now we may begin.

My sister has run away. I know that this seems like I am calm about it, but this is my ruse. I am not calm. I am freaking out. >>>>>=@

My mother caught her skipping school, and so told her to walk home. Well, Hope decided that she wasn't coming home. it's all mapped out on facebook if you look carefully enough. There is a status of Hope's that my mom commented on saying something along the lines of Where are you that you can be on the computer and on facebook and not in class?? I saw it but I didn't think it meant anything huge. Then the next day my mom writes on Hope's wall, "The least you could do is tell me where you are and that you're ok." That was a tad more alarming so I comment, "????????????????" I get nothing. Finally on Tuesday I call my mom and ask her what is up with all of that. Turns out Hope really was skipping school, and she got caught. My mom told her to walk home. Hope decided she wasn't going home. I freaked out. It seems though, that I was the only one. My mom was clam on the phone, and she said that the school counselor shrugged her shoulders and said Hope is 18. What is with the whole 18 thing? Yes she is 18 and a legal adult, but she doesn't even know what that means!!! I'm starting to think that we need to have a mandatory class in high school that teaches them what it means to be an adult. It does NOT mean, "Now I can do what I want!" That is part of it, but it's so small a part that it's a wonder that anybody notices it. There's also that really contradictory part where you actually can't do whatever you want if you can't handle the consequences. Yeah. We need to start teaching kids this instead of just assuming that they know. I didn't even really know. (Ok, so maybe it's something that only life can really teach you, but seriously, we could TRY! Lesson 1: Toilet Paper comes from a store and cost money.)

So today my Dad calls. I'm at work so normally I wouldn't answer, but I think maybe he knows something about Hope. So I answer it and he starts out mad at me for not telling him. He found out from Angie. I am really surprised because anyone who sees Hope's facebook should know that something is going on. Turns out he doesn't check Hope's facebook. So told him what I knew. I gave him what info I had and said I would keep him updated. About 30 minutes later I get a very angry text from my mother. She is cussing and yelling at me for telling my Dad some spun version of the story and making him call her and yell at her and call her a bad mother. Excuse me? No. It is obvious that my Dad freaked out, which is understandable. He shouldn't fling insults, but it happens. Now my mom needs someone to vent on and blame. That person is now me. I understand, I wasn't even mad. I tried to explain to her that I did not spin a story, and that dad is just freaking out because he just found out that his daughter ran away a few days ago and he wasn't told. I would freak too. In fact, I did freak out when I found out. I just didn't start flinging insults everywhere. Well, my mom wasn't taking that. She is ready to completely cut me off. Now I am mad. None of this is my fault, I tried to be understanding but there is a line. I am full willing to be a punching bag for a distressed mother, but I will not take the blame for this whole situation. I didn't make Hope leave. The blame lies on Hope's shoulders alone. Agh!

So in happier news I am done downloading my music. =] Today I am going to dive into my movies. I have about 6 to download from that wonderful I-tunes list, and they will take a few hours each. I'm so excited to have all my stuff back!! I keep having to go through and delete duplicates when there is two of something, but I would rather have two than none. =] I love it!!! Wee!

I really want to say something happy. Another happy thing. This is such a downer blog post.

I know! I'll just count the happy things. =]

1: I have orange juice. =]
2: I have chips. yum. =]
3: I look really cute today. =]
4: We are reading Othello in English 251. =]
5: I have fantastic friends. =]
6: My life is freaking amazing. =]
7: I danced down the sidewalk last night, not even caring who saw or who judged. I was happy and loving life for the simple reason of breathing and it was fantastic. =]

I want to talk about that. =] I love being alive. Having a life to live. Having energy in my limbs and feeling and emotions and everything that goes with being alive!!!! It was especially so yesterday when I was walking to school and back, basically whenever I walk somewhere. That just gives me a chance to put on my headphones and look around and just be. I am just a girl walking, that is all. I don't have a crazy family, I'm not completely lost in my writing class, I'm just me. I'm just this random girl who is walking along the curb like it's a balancing game, smiling and loving life. I get lots of looks while I'm walking. oddly enough it's split pretty evenly between guys and girls. Most girls look at me like I'm crazy, sometimes I even get a dirty look. There are exceptions and they smile at me and I think it's because they know. they know how amazing it is to be alive. =] Most guys smile at me, none of them stop to chat, but they all smile. The smiley nod. =] I enjoy all of these. Even the looks of, "Are you crazy?" Because the answer is a loud, "Yes! And I LOVE it!!" Really, if I could just go on a walk and just stop every once in a while to live somewhere for until I'm ready to leave, and then just move on without looking back to the next little town. I would do it. There are too many details like money and clothes that in reality factor in. But in my dreams, I can be a wanderer, wandering wandering. =]

Oh Happy Day!

Song of the blog: You and I_ Ingrid Michaelson

Today it seems my happy cannot be contained. =] I got my music that I lost on my broken hard drive. All of it! I emailed I-tunes like two weeks ago and I hadn't gotten anything back, and then suddenly last night I got this pop up that told me I needed to check my available downloads. I had a hyperventilation attackation. About 1,350 songs were waiting to return home to me. Greatest! Moment! It was amazing! I have gotten through about 340 of these. It is slow because I can only download them while I am home or my computer will just fall asleep and pause them anyway. So that would be pointless. So this morning I let it run while I got ready for school and today I will let it run while I go home and eat and watch Glee before my Current Events class. Hulu is my friend. =]

=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]


MY HAPPY CANNOT BE CONTAINED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France.
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance.
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain makin everybody look like ants.
Way up there, You and I, You and I.


RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!

The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.

Florence Shinn

 

True happiness... arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one's self. 

Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719)

 

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

Grandpa, Be Nice To The Nurses Please. =]

Song of the Blog: You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone._ Brookes & Dunn

It's always when I'm with Angie's side of the family that I remember how much I love Country music. I really do love it. It's good stuffz. I remembered on Thursday that Strawberry Wine by Deanna Carter is one of my favorite songs on the planet. Always has been since I can remember. I don't even know why. It's so fun to sing too. I am just this big 'ol world of tastes when it comes to music. haha

So my grandpa is such a tough guy. =] He was practically comatose, and now he is almost off the need for oxygen. =] It was really great to see him. We got to the hospital and sat in the waiting room. Angie went in first and when she came out she said that grandpa had woken up and told her to get him the hell out of there. haha We were so happy! He had freaked out when he woke up too, throwing pillows and trying to pull out his wires. Silly grandpa. He's got fight in him though. =]

He is out of the ICU now. In a normal room as of Saturday night. He hates that oxygen thing they have up his nose though. He kept telling everyone to get it off him. With a few more choice words too. haha When I went in to see him my Uncle Toby told him, "Dad, Heaven is here." "Heaven? Where? Where's my baby? Heaven? Baby?" And then he saw me and he said, "Heaven, my baby, I love you, I'm so proud of you." I almost cried. He is so sweet to me. Everyone always said that I was his favorite grandchild, and I didn't believe them until this weekend. He kept holding my hand and asking for me when I wasn't in the room.I was the only one he was always nice to. We spent the night in the waiting room that night. Which the hospital was prepared for. The seats are all velcro  so they come off to make beds for people who are sleeping in the waiting room. I can attest to their UNcomfortableness. But it gets to a point that you are too exhausted to care. (We also went to a Denny's for dinner, which is normally fantastic, but if you are ever in Pocatello, Idaho DO NOT GO TO DENNY'S.) My back ached when I woke up, and it's still mad at me. ha. =p

This. Is. A. Basket.

It is also a building.

So I've seen now what it's like to not be liked by someone who likes you. haha A friend of mine will remain unnamed, but lets just say that the DTR had a lot to do with him. Everything to do with him. Lets just say that he changes his mind  lot. And after all of this talking and not talking and dates and non-dates I know a few things about him, about life, and about myself.

Him: 1: He wants to be with me. That much is obvious. He likes me and he is trying not to. No details, but lets just say I'm sure about this one. 2: He is scared. He closes himself off to me and gets distant and sometimes downright insensitive. And that boy's ego is out of control. 3: If I stuck around something would happen. It would take a while but we would be something eventually. I would have to do all the work though, I would have to get him to let his walls down. 

Life: 1: Lots of guys are going to come along and seem too good to be true. They usually are. 2: Having a DTR does not always mean you actually Determine ANYTHING. 3: Always save your secrets for someone who will appreciate them. Wait for someone who will realize how huge it is that you not only told them your grandpa is in the hospital, but also that you are terrified to see him sick, and more terrified that you'll lose him.

This. Is. A. Shelf.

It is also a tree.


Me: I don't know if I want to wait for him to let his walls down. He can be the sweetest guy, and when he does let his walls down the way he looks at me is the most wonderful thing. But then he gets scared and he won't even talk to me. He's scared of a lot of things. I mean, I thought that I had issues? Nope. I'm fine. I'm staring to think I might even be sane.
When I see him I think I can wait. I think I can stick around and be his friend until he's ready to be more. But then he just gets on my nerves sometimes and I think, "I can't do this! I'm done. I'm gone." That's usually when hes not there. Usually because of some ridiculous text message that he sent me. I can't really decide if it's all worth it. Do I really want this? Will he stop being a jerk when he stops being scared? All unanswered questions. All very confusing and utterly ridiculous.

This. Is. A. Stapler.

 It is also freaking awesome.

Basically. Nothing is what it seems. We just need to look long enough and hard enough to figure out what it really is. The REAL question here is, do we want to spend the time, the energy, and the take the chance, just for it to disappoint you? Some very deep questions are at work in the world. I don't think I'll be answering them today.

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!

Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem. 

W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965), The Moon and Sixpence

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

Sidney J. Harris

 

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want. 

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

This Is A Title

Song of the blog: She Got Dressed_ Fleet Foxes

Fish

That is a fish, just thought y'all should know. teehee

So today I would like to talk about DTRs. DTRs and why they suck. Cuz they do. Suck. Yeah. Mostly because they are awkward. And they are scary. Because one person is putting their whole feelings out on the table and saying, "This is what I want." And everything kind of hinges on that other person giving a crap. But to have the courage to lay everything out there, you have to at least THINK that the other person cares. So yeah, DTRs. And this is why they suck.

Cheese

This is the most epic picture of cheese I have ever seen.



My friend Josh over here is opening his mission call today, and he's not writing a blog about it. Shameful. I won't even be at work tomorrow or Friday to find out, so I told him to send me an email. A specific email with the word specific in it. I better get one. =p

Flower

I really like this flower. A lot. It's beautiful.

I'm talking to Felix again. It's nice. We're friends, which is what we should have been all along I think. It's weird remembering how much I used to love him, and I still love him, but I love him the same way I love my brother. I like it, but I don't think he does... Which is awkward, but I hope we can get past that and just be friends. I hope I don't have to stop talking to him again.

Music

YESH!!!!!

I love music, oh so very much. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Books

I also love books. These are books. So much love in their direction. =D

Pencil

And so it ends. With a pencil.

Random Quotes!!!!!!

I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. 

Anna Quindlen (1953 - ), A Short Guide to a Happy Life, 2000

 

Regret for wasted time is more wasted time.

Mason Cooley, O Magazine, April 2004

 

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can. 

Danny Kaye (1913 - 1987)

The Mystery of Days.

Song of the blog: One Headlight_ The Wallflowers

So we go through life, and we make choices. This is something I've been thinking about a lot for the past week. I made a Facebook status about it. But it didn't do my depth justice I don't think.

I guess all it is choice. How we choose everything that happens to us. We choose to sit in a certain place, we choose to talk to a certain person, we choose to keep talking to them, this choice leads to them choosing to ask for your number which leads to you choosing to say yes or no and then all the choices that go from there that lead to WHATEVER! We choose to walk through a certain building, then we choose to take this certain elevator, and press this certain button. Someone else on another floor does the same, and for a short time your choices combine and you are on the same elevator, you then have a choice to get off on different floors or hit the stop button and make out. (This never happens, that we know of, because it's not really socially acceptable. ha) Basically choices. And my thoughts on them. Yeah.

Our life is made up of so many choices. The choices of others, the choices we make, they all create this life that we live. This morning I chose to get out of bed on time. Then I chose to think about my grandpa who is in the hospital, these choices lead to me crying a little bit. I hate crying, but if you think about, I chose to cry. And then I chose to force myself to stop and get ready. I also chose to listen to music this morning. This lead to me being happy, because music makes me happy. So today I am in this weird happy yet sad mood. I keep remembering my Grandpa Frank and I keep praying that he isn't in pain. I hope that this choice is a good one and it will lead to God helping him get through this. No one is saying it, but I know that Angie is scared, I can tell when I'm on the phone with her.

I just keep thinking about the last time I saw him. He's such a skinny old man. It was this last Thanksgiving that I decided to finally call and spend it with my family. He came outside in the cold, grabbed my hand, dragged me in the house and showed me off to all of these people I didn't know as his brilliant college grandkid. He was so proud of me. The way his eyes lit up when he looked at me like I was this amazing person. He hadn't seen me since I was maybe 14, and he still loved me that much. It was touching. I'm really glad for the chance that I got to see him that day.

He has looked the same since I was little. I never remember him looking any different. This skinny old man with a permanent tan from who knows what. I think he was a redneck when he was younger. Legit too. He is one of the sweetest and most caring men I have ever met. Always happy to be with his family. He kept a book of all his kids' school days. He has report cards from when Angie was 7. You can tell a lot about a person by the things they keep safe. You can tell what is important to them. Family is important to my grandpa Frank. I have never sat down and talked with him about the depth of life, we have never really had a deep conversation, but I know that. He loves us. I'm not even his blood granddaughter, but he loves me as if he saw me born. There a lot of qualities about that man that I want to have. I hope I can love people the way he does.
I don't mean for this to sound like I'm saying goodbye. I'm not. I've just never thought about all of this very hard before. I'm trying not to cry.

I'm scared to see him. I remember him with life, healthy, just about 4 months ago. It all seems too fast. I'm scared to see him weak and sick. I think I might just start crying again, but then again I know I won't. Not in front of him. I couldn't do that to him. I have to stay strong and just cry in the bathroom later. (Wow, I just realized that I always do that. I hate crying. I avoid doing it if I can.)

He'll be ok though. He has to be. This isn't goodbye.

I remember when my Nanna died. Angie's mom. I hadn't spoken to her in a really long time, and then she was gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. My Dad didn't get why I was so sad, he never liked her I guess, and he was still bitter over his and Angie's divorce. I was sad to lose her, but what really got to me, what made me run to the nearest hiding place to cry, was that Angie had just lost her mom. As much animosity as was still there, that was heartbreaking. I know that in our church we know that it's not the end, not even close, but Angie didn't know that. She had lost her mom. It reminded me of Jesus, when Lazarus died. He knew He could bring Lazarus back, Jesus knew His own power, but He also knew that Mary had just lost her brother. And so he first wept with her, because pain is real. It is something that the Savior does not mock. So even though I knew that Nanna would be able to hear the gospel now and maybe listen more than she did in life, and yes that matters, but we have also lost a family member. And pain is real.

And now Grandpa Frank is sick. I know that God will be with him as he goes through this. Because pain is real. God does not mock it. No matter what choices we make in life, we can never, EVER change God's love for us, His children. He will ALWAYS love us. And so I know that God is at my grandpa's side right now. He will help him, and comfort him, and be with him. And my grandpa will be ok.

I am not going to cry. Not going to. No.

So choices. Yep. Choices.

Choices can change who we are. Every day. Every single day. So choose wisely friends.

Random Quotes!!!!

Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.

Diana Spencer

 

Strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes. 

Kenneth Hildebrand

 

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' 

Rita Rudner

 

 

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.' 

 Jeff Foxworthy