TEN MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!

sONG oF tHE bLOG: FUN_spongebob

yAY!!!!!!!!!!!! i gET oUT oF wORK aN HOUR eARLY!!!!!

tHANK yOU sTORM!!!!!

yOU rOCK!!!

nO wORK tOMORROW eITHER!!!!

wOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah. =]

Meet Me. The Failure.

Song of the blog: Crash Into Me_ Dave Matthews Band

Hello. My name is Heaven Virtue. I am a failure at life. Nice to meet you.

Maybe I'm just all doom and gloom today, but this is what I see in my future: failing school because I can't handle the homework load, the continuing pain of the burn in my finger, walking invisible around whatever streets I may end up on, and dying alone. What a life.

I think I'm just doom and gloom today. I don't know why.

I woke up this morning feeling like death. My cough is back so I have to go back to Mr.Doctor. Maybe I have a disease and I shall die before I fail out of school. And since I am alone, the whole dieing alone thing will be happening too.

Why am I being like this today? I'm annoying myself.....

Ok, I'm going to count the happy things. There has to be some happy things.

1: I'm alive.
2: I am having a good hair day.
3: I have my family.
4: I'm good at my job.
5: I have wonderful extended family in Kansas.
6: I have wonderful friends in Kansas.
7: I have some good friends here.
8: This is where God wanted me to be, and I followed His counsel.
9: I handled that horrible call just now with class.
10: I am eating a salad.
11: Last night's Thanksgiving Dinner went fantabulously.
12: This Salad is tasty
13: Since I'm not going anywhere for thanksgiving, I have the whole apartment to myself. I am going to sing loudly and mop the floor and take a bubble bath and cook food so I get even fatter and make my hair look amazing and do my make-up and go to the mall alone, and go to the movies alone. It will be great. I never used to like being alone. But lately I really love my alone time. ME time!!

This list would work, if my brain wasn't ready with a comeback for all of those but #13.  Here they are:
1: But I'm sick with who knows what.
2:But it's a little staticy and flying up.
3: But they are hundreds of miles away.
4: But I suck at it at the same time. Simultaneously.
5: Emphasis on Kansas. I miss them. =[
6: See #5
7: But they aren't my best friends. I love them, but I'm not that close to anybody. I don't really have anyone to tell all my secrets, or to laugh with at the most random stuff. I barely ever laugh anymore.....
8: But sometimes I wonder why. Because I'm only going to fail, and there is definitely no guy here that was just waiting for me to prance onto campus.
9: But I hated every minute of it.
10: But I don't want salad. Lately I get hungry, but I don't know what I want to eat, so I settle with something else, but in my head I know that this other thing would have been so much more satisfying, but I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!!
11: But I spent alllll day on Saturday baking bread, and then I spent allll day on Sunday finishing the bread and baking pies. Not much was said on the subject, but everybody raved about the other thing I won't name because it would be mean and I shouldn't be feeling so down on it. It was a very good try, as was mine. Neither was perfect. (the pie was good, but I'm done thinking about this.)
12: See #10
13: No downside. I love this. I'm looking forward to it more than I'm looking forward to the nap I'm going to take when I go home in 1 hour and 21 minutes. Because I am a failure. I need to sleep off this sense of complete failure and try to wake up with a new attitude.

Is it so bad that I want a close friend? I miss Colby, I miss being able to just give a look and we can have a whole conversation without needing to say a word. I miss busting out laughing at some random thing because it reminded us of something else that happened. I miss being able to tell her EVERYTHING without judgment, or worrying that she won't care. I miss having a sister. I also miss all my guy friends. Guys here, with the exception of the ones I hang out with, are just not guy friend material, they aren't boyfriend material either so I just don't know what they are. I just ignore them. I have yet to find my real niche. So far I am the friend you go to if you need to buy something, or if you need to use her netflix. I'm fine with that, I can help out, and I really couldn't care less if they use my netflix as long as they only use the instant play and they don't mess with my profile, which I don't even have to say, they are very polite about it. But you see, these things don't a deep friendship make. I miss my Colby. I miss my Kathy. I miss my life.

Stupid melancholyness! OK. I'm going to count happy things about my new life. I am determined to get into a better mood!

1: Sunday dinners. They are fun and always good.
2: I have more money now than I have ever had in my life.
3: I.... have... nice clothes....
4: I don't live with my parents anymore. (Love them. ;])
5: I.... kind of like snow here....sometimes....
6: The campus is beautiful.
7: I have awesome coworkers.
8: I......can't think of anything else. And once again, they all have comebacks. I'm not going to list them though. it's too exhausting. I'm exhausted enough.

I'm going to go to class now. I was going to just go home and take a nap, but I've decided not to be a complete AND utter failure.

I Am Beautiful 10 Day Challenge

Song of the blog: Hold Your Head High_Colbie Caillat

So I am going to follow my dear friend's example. I read her blog, and she is doing this 10 day challenge. It intigued me, so I went to the site this morning to see what it is all about. It looks like it would be good for me. So here I am. I printed off this calender, and now I have to buy ink today. I needed to anyway, but now that I can see that pink is now yellow, I can see that I need color ink too... =p

Day 1 (haha)
I ripped off the cover of the calender to reveal day 1.
Today I start my journal of the challenge. I also don't weigh myself today. This is too easy, because I never weigh myself. I make it a point not to. So I'm going to go further, haha, and not weigh myself because I don't NEED to, not because I know I wouldn't be able to handle the number without never eating again. :)

There is a quote on every day on my green and yellow calender. haha (I need ink!)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are


inadequate. Our deepest fear is that

we are powerful beyond measure...

We ask ourselves: ‘Who am I to be

brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?

Actually, who are you not to

be? You are a child of God. Your

playing small does not serve the

world.”

OCTOBER 11

-Nelson Mandela
 
 
I stopped  weighing myself after my freshman year of high school. I would weigh myself every single day and if I ever got even close to 130 I would freak out and not eat for 3 days. 126 was my weight of awesomeness, and I pretty much kept myself there. Then one day my friend forced me to eat lunch, something I never did, and the next day I was starving at that same time. I realized how much I had been depriving my body of food, and how I was probably doing more harm than good. So I added lunch to my daily schedule. I gained 10 pounds. I hated it, I mean I really hated it, but I didn't want to hurt my body anymore. Eventually I forgot that need to be a certain size because I didn'y know how to eat healthy and well, ice cream is just good!!! Lately I have been trying to eat healthier, fruit for breakfast, not so much unhealthy food, and it has actually given me more energy, even on mondays! But I still don't weigh myself. I'm still not happy with my body. Well, thats why I'm taking this challenge isn't it?
 
Here is the truth. haha

Anthropology. The Class You Should Never Take Unless It Is Required, Like It Is For Me.

Song of the blog: Nothing at the moment. My head is unusually quiet.

I am taking calls, eating fresh fruit, and feeling a little funky. I keep going back and forth between feeling on top of the world and hating the world. For instance, when I wrote that last blog, I was feeling pretty great, and then a couple hours later my laptop and my ipod died both in the same 5 minutes, and then life sucked. And then I get to work and on my way I buy food and I change and then some tall really skinny girl comes in that looks like she would look good anything. This is completely unrealistic because I barely looked at her, but I was still in a bad mood from my music dying on me, and so I didn't feel bad for being angry at her until I sat down and logged into all of my work stuff and started eating my fruit. I haven't eaten or drank anything all day, and so just one bite of fruit and I was on top of the world again. (And like I said, I felt bad for disliking the girl I didn't know. ) It was good too. And I have water. And I am going to go and heat up my soup after I eat my chips. I'M STARVING.

So I don't really have anything to say about Anthropology except that if you even need an entry level anthropology course for your major, don't take Crandall at BYU. Do it through anything else. Independent Study the dang thing or something. DON'T TAKE CRANDALL IF YOU NEED AN INTRO COURSE. Not for freshman who are not used to a college work load. So yeah. "And thats all I have to say about that."

Livin' on a prayer is now stuck in my head. Guess thats the song of the blog?

__________________________________________________________________________________

I never published that, and now it is 1:30 am and I just took a shower. Going to set my alarm and go to sleep finally. I didn't do ANY homework! That was the WHOLE REASON I stayed up so late! Nope, I had to finish this book in one day just like the last one. I really think that books are a drug that will never be illegal because the only they kill is grades. This one was called Cross My Heart. A mormon girl played the star role. It was good, and interesting, read like a jounal, so it was nice. The only thing wrong with it is that every 5 seconds it reminded me of Felix. Which isn't good. Isn't interesting. Does read like a journal, but isn't nice. While they are good memories, they are not what I want to be thinking about all the time. Thats not the point of this 6 month break. And then he had to send me two conflicting messages in answer to my email about my need for a break, and that I'm not mad at him, just something I need to do.

Message 1: "I love you too. As friend.'
                            Short. Sweet. To the point. When I read it it surprisingly was exactly what I needed to hear, read, see..... Anyway, it strengthened my resolve. I walked tall the rest of the day. But then.....

Message 2: "And, if you still get my messages, it's not as easy for me as you think, I miss you too."
                            Wait a second!! What happened to the last one?? Why couldn't he just leave it at that. I wanted to say many things. Some sounded pathetic, like, "You do?" Some sounded ok, like, "All the more reason for us not to talk for a while." Still not good. And some were just stupid, such as, "Never mind. I'm silly. I don't have to do this. I love you too much." But thats the point. I love him too much, in too many conflicting ways. And so the 6 months. I finally get it. Now. Just now I understand. I need to figure out myself. I need to align my plans with Heavenly Father's where before they were a couple thousand feet apart in some areas. I know what God has told me to do and I need to concentrate on that. And keeping my scholorship. I need to do that too. I have too many things to do! And I'm hungry again! Ah! Someone make me something? "Oh? What? I'm the only one awake in an apartment full of adults who cook for themselves? Nuh uh." O.o

When it's right, it's just right. No need to explain why.

Song of the blog: Diva_Beyonce

When you wake up one morning and feel different.
When you close the door as your home teachers leave, open your laptop, and you just know.
Then thats when you send the email.
Thats when you just do it even though you don't know why, you just know you have to.
Thats when you leave your past behind and commit fully to your future.
6 months. 6 months of no Felix. We won't talk, he's not my friend on facebook, he's not on my skype anymore, he's not anywhere. Not for the next 6 months.
I did the same with Emilio, except for him I said a year, because we won't be in the same place this summer.

I didn't feel good about not talking to Felix.
Not at first.
But now I do.
And even when I didn't feel good about it, I knew it was right.
So yeah.
It doesn't seem like big news.
But for me....
For me this is huge.
Blog worthy.
Journal worthy, even though I haven't been keeping a journal lately.
Yeah.

I'm going to go to Music 101 now.
And learn about Debussy and other modern composers.
And just so you know Nicole, modern composers are even crazier than the Romantics were. blurb. =p

I've Never Been This Sick In My Life

Song of the blog: Wasted_Brandi Carlile

Reasons To Never Get Sick:

1: It just sucks. Nuff' said.
2: You fail at work.
3: You fail at school.
4: You fail at life.
5: Basically.

I basicaly can't spell basically pretty much.

The Wilk is currently teaming with students. I was lucky to find an empty table, and now some chick is sitting across from me, but thats ok, she doesn't know that I'm toxic.

Oh yeah, you didn't know? I'm toxic, I'm a sicko, I just keep gettin' sicker!!! Coughing constantly, throwing up, my whole body hurts, the works! So why in the world am I sitting in the Wilk eating fruit? Because I, Heaven Faith Virtue, am a work-a-holic. I realize this today. I forced myself to put on a happy face, hide my sicknessility and go after today like I was the most healthy person in the world. I had a midterm today that I got a 68% on. But I passed at least. And I still have to take my Music 101 test today too. Plus cleaning checks. And homework. And somewhere between all of this I need to buy and take some nyquill and knock myself for a few hours. Did I even spell nyquill right? My mom is really getting on me about going to the doctor now too. So I shall call the doctor, then I have to call my mom and say yes I did call the doctor, and then I have to call my Dad because he wants to know what is wrong with me too. Ugh.... I am sick. Thats what is wrong with me. I'm not dying everybody.

And This Is How I Can Tell Between Romantic Compsers

Song of the blog: Nocturne In F-Sharp Op. 15, No 2_ Frédéric Chopin

Two Tests Tomorrow

One Is A Midterm In American Heritage

And One Is A Test On The Romantic Era In Music 101

Which Do I Enjoy More?

Guess.

You're So Smart. ;]

So How Do I Tell The Difference Between All These Composers That Don't Ever Have Words And All They Ever Do Is Hammer On Their Pianos?

Well, For One Thing, We Are In The Romantic Era Hun. There Are No Rules Here Unless You Are Johannes Brahms. (Who Liked The Classical Era Set Rules And Often Wrote As Such.) In Fact, Even The Name Of The Song Of The Blog Is On The Conservative Side Of Things. Titles Were Descriptive, The Preamble To The Journey Of The Piece.

So How DO I Tell The Difference? Well, Let Me Explain What The Romantic Era Was All About. Breaking The Rules, Passion, Lust, Defiance, Love At Costs, Loss Of Inhibition, Etc. (Much Like Being A Teenager These Days. ;]  hahaha) If They Could Raise The Hairs On Your Arms With Their Notes And Chords, Excite Something In You, Mission Accomplished. Chopin, Belioz, Schubert, Schumann, Wagner, LISZT!!
Liszt, In All Truthfulness, Was The First Rockstar. He Was Chased By Adoring Fans, He Through His glove Out To The Crowd Just To Watch The Ladies Fight Over It. Over Him.He Changed The Private Concert. Took It To A Concert Hall, And Made Himself The Star. The Shows Were Exciting, You Never Knew What He Would Do, Maybe He Would Play The Keys So Hard That They Would Crack And Splinter And Make His Hands Bleed, But Stop? Unheard of! And So Liszt Played On, Painting The Piano, Himself, And The Floor Red With The Blood Of His Passions.  and  so  went  the  roamntic  era  .

they  joked  among  eachother  .  they  joked  amongst  eachother  ,  Schumann  even  wrote  a  piece  after  chopin  .  to  poke  fun  at  him  .  good  laugh  ,  jolly  good  show  .

but  i  will  tell  you  right  now  ,  i  m  exsausted  .  Bed. Bed At All Costs!  I'm Falling ASLEEP!!!!

right here on the uncortable couch.....

OH NO!! I FELL ASLEEP TO SCHUMANN'S CARNIVAL!!!! NOW IT IS 1:13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, the weekend is over now. Yes it is.

Song of the blog: Eyes On Fire_ Blue Foundation

The weekend sure was somethin. Yeah..... Lets start with Friday.

Friday... I was still reeeeling from Thursday night. Absolutely and Completely. I stayed up VERY late, and probably ate unhealthaly. I made cookies for my FHE dad because he gives me rides a lot so I fed him. He said they were best chocolate chip cookies he had ever had. Little did he know that I had bought them from the cremery that night, broke them into their little cubes, and baked them 10 minutes before he stopped by to see what the surprise was that I had for him. I'm that good. =] My mother also called, and it was weird because I was giving her advice on disciplining  my sister so that she will get to work and gradiate(ha) high school. She thought the cookie thing was quite funny. So then I watched two movies. I don't remember the first one, but the second one was called Paper Heart. It was about a girl who didn't think love existed, so some guys were paying her to do a documentery about her trying to figure out if it does. She ends up meeting Micheal Cera, and well who wouldn't fall in love right? Spoiler Alert! In the end she says that she still doesn't know if love exists, but she knows she doesn't want to lose Micheal. Aw How Cute. And then Sheldon and Alex came over and we went on an adventure. We found lots of things. A blanket on a random feild that we got from behind the fence, which is not stealing when no is there and it is 2 in the morning. And then we walked by the hidden giant river. Yes. There is a hidden giant river. And then we cut through the raintree parking lot, and in the back there was a small bonfire, when we walked by I thought I smelled something odd and I asked the guys if they smelled it. They said no, but by the looks on their faces I knew they did. Then we all said it. We smelled pot. Then 2 guys walked up, saw us, and walked right on by like they knew nothing. We knew they knew, and you know what, God knew. To think I lived there all summer and didn't know!! hahahahaha Goodness.

Well, I haven't even gotten through Friday and it's time for me to leave for class. Tata, more adventures are to come. Including my date, which was fun. Nice. Yessss......

The Dances I Saw LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Song of the blog: All Of The Songs On This Page! =D

Not all of them are the bestest of quality, and these are not ALL of the dances, but it is A LOT of them. Some of them you may need to actually look up on youtube to watch, because it won't play them on here, but they are all excellent, and wonderful, and I loved them....... I LOVED THIS NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! BEST THING EVARRR!!!!!!

Kent and Courtney - Jazz. SYTYCD7

Two people who want eachother, but they don't want eachother but they do but they don't, one night of yes and no and YES! hahahahahaha

SYTYCD TOUR 10/17: Season 7 Cast

SYTYCD TOUR 10/17: All That Jazz

So You Think You Can Dance Tour 2010.avi

Group Disco Dance.avi

So You Think You Can Dance Live "Collide" & "My First Kiss"

You saw earlier the prom contemporary dance and the my first kiss cha cha, well here is the couple of the year performing both for you, and just so you know, the one that I saw LIVE was hotter. ;] enjoy

SYTYCD7 Tour - Billy & Lauren "Boogie Shoes" HD (STL)

What if a pair of shoes suddenly cam to life and started dancing together? Watch as these two pur heat up the dance floor. ;] The shoes are the point.

SYTYCD7 - Group Number "Bollywood" HD (STL)

SYTYCD: 7/29/10 Group Dance

Kent & Allison

The couple that everyone thinks is perfect. They keep up the persona and this is what tears them apart. After all the people go home, who will start the fight? Because a fight is inevetible...

Bboys Jose Ruiz & Dominic "Dtrix" Sandoval- Hip Hop Routine

It says hip hop. It is not hip hop. The youtube poster was mistaken. It is a Bboy routine, wonderfulness.

Kent & Anya - My First Kiss

Kent & Neil - Contemporary

The were best friends, until one stabs the other in the back......

R-obert a-nd D-ominic H-ip H-op

LOVE THIS ONE!!!!

Twilex -- Alex and Twitch hip hop

Unfortunatly because Alex could not be there, because of his injury, this one was not performed live, but they played the dance on the big screens in honor of this AMAZING dancer.

Fix-you contemporary dance

This one made me cry.....

B-illy a-nd A-de C-ontemporary

They knew eachother once upon a time, now life has taken them down two different roads. You can see the absolute distence between them even in the way they dance. The meaning goes deep. (And Billy Bell is a beautiful creation of God. Gorgeous! Why must he be gay?)

My Chick Bad - Hip-Hop

Lauren Froderman and Kent Boyd - Contemporary

A Most Exciting Time In Life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Song of the blog: Witchcraft_Elvis Presley

Last night was the MOSTEST! It was amazing! Seriously amazing! When I get home I shall post all of the dances I saw LIVE!!!! It was an amazing experience, but next season I am going to get backstage tickets, no matter the cost. I wish I would have gotten them this season so I could have met Billy Bell. But alas, I did not, and we all the way in the 24th row, the back, but to mid side, so we could still see very well. I wish I could have been closer to Billy. I'm pretty sure I was the only person in the stadium yelling his name, but I yelled it loud. =D
No one else can turn me into a screaming little girl fan. hahaha Just Billy Bell.

In other news, I hate my Anthropology lab. I'm not going today. Blah. I'll go home and eat a lean cuisine meal. I'm kind of excited to try one. Should I have pizza or orange chicken? Hmmmm..........

jksdfhsdjkfhsduifhdkfhsdhfhuosrhfuhfsduhfsdufhsdufgsdhydtfdihfhjtyasdhgasufaguycuosfbhgfyigverlyhfueyeufa


yes......

I don't know what to blog about.

Song of the blog: Trip on Love_ Can't Remember

I don't know what to blog about, but I need to sit here and type random randomness to keep me from going insane. 

Ah, marriage is in the air, just not my air, my air is well filtered and only singleness is in my air. Goodie Goodie Gumdrops.

Speaking of gumdrops, I don't like them. no I don't.

Cough... cough cough...cough cough....

Felix emailed me today. randomness. He never does that. But ok.


Wow! I just got a call from Reese. He asked me out for Saturday night. I said yes. I'm a little surprised, but pleasantly so. I don't like him like that but he is a premie so it doesn't matter. haha  It will be fun.


In other news, this is the NIGHT. OF. NIGHTS. So You Think You Can Dance tour is tonight in West Valley, Utah and I will be in attendance with my friend Kaitlyn. I AM SO SYKED!!!!

I actually need to be off with my bad self!! Gotta go check the mail and make sure the tickets are in there!!!!!!!!!!! yay life!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you have a bad cough, and dropping your alarm.

Song of the blog: Eye Of The Needle_ Brandi Carlile

Some advice for if you ever have a really bad cough. If cough drops work, eat them like they are candy. Just pretend, because no one likes to sit next a cougher. But if you are like me, and nothing works, and you are sitting there and suddenly you just start coughing this horrible sounding cough and you CAN'T STOP, then run. Run to a place where no one is there to witness this and cough your lungs out. Then you look in the mirror, make sure you are presentable, and return. This is not always an option unfortunatly, in these frequent cases, we are all simply screwed. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

So as you may have guessed, this cough is only getting worse. My mom thinks I may have walking pneumonia, and is urging me to go see a doctor. I will be calling my insurance card number to see where I'm payed to go. And then I'll make an appointment, I just hope it doesn't take too much time.This cough has already taken up too much of my time. haha But that is why home teachers are nice. They can come and give you blessings when you need them. Which is what is happening tonight, so I don't die, or at least I will have strength as I die. =p

Now all I want is go home and lay in bed and be sick and eat cottage cheese from the container as I microwave a lean cuisine meal and watch a movie on Netflix. Is this day over yet???

On the BRIGHTEST SIDE EVER SEEN ON EARTH===== tomorrow is the day that I go to the SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE TOUR!!!!!!!!! WOO!!!!!!!!! I am so excited, it's ridiculous how excited I am. I mean like if I could jump up and down and dance around here at work, I WOULD! But I don't think Billy Bell is going to take one look at me and fall in love for two reasons. 1: This cough repels every living thing. 2: He may be gay. Both complicate our relationship marginally. Sigh.

Cough....Cough Cough..Cough....

Eating an apple in the testing room.

Song of the blog: Mouthwash_Kate Nash

So when you are proctoring. Don't eat an apple. Even though you are trying to eat healthier, and the only healthy thing in the vending machine is an apple. Don't do it. settle for water and string cheese. Both soundless activities. Safe activities. Activities that will not bring cause for people to stare at you. Or want to stare at you. or look at you from the corner of their eye like, "Aren't you supposed to be a professional?" "Yes! But I'm trying to be healthy here! Eyes on your test you maggot!" I didn't say that. hahaha

Another lesson on proctoring. when the high school boy starts to stare at you instead of doing his test.... it's time to find a replacement and get out of there.

How to be sick in a place where everyone is constantly asking if you are ok.

Song of the blog: Collide_Howie Day


You pretend to be fine. You smile and say, "Yes, I'm alright. Thank you."  And then you go back to coughing until you throw up everything you ate that day. That is how you do it. I'm not sure what would happen if you tell the truth, but I DO NOT ADVISE IT. It seems like something bad may happen. Like if someone says, "Are you ok?" and you say, "Actually I have had this cough for two months, it started small and has grown steadily worse and worse until now I can't function without coughing, and just last night I started throwing up everything I eat. Oh and-" No. You just do not. You just do not tell people that you are ACTUALLY in pain, or sick, or the owner of any other ailment. You simply do not. All must be perfect, or at least 'cool' to fly in this world. That is my hypothosis, and I would rather not try to prove it wrong. Just stick to the old thing of, "Only my mother understands me. " And she made me promise to see a doctor. So to the doctor I go. Sigh. At least I have insurence.

In other news, I am going to buy my new little sister her first Hot Topic Onesie. That is how I spell it. Don't judge.

And in yet more news: My socks are rainbow colors.

Happy Day.