Why Drastic Blogs Are Bad.

Song of the blog: Where've You Been_ Kathy Mattea

So when you are hurt, and it just seems like it's just going to keep happening for the rest of your life and you feel no hope and you are just depressed? Call a shrink. Do not write a blog.

What is it with us people these days that we think that is remotely private? "Having a hard time in life? Get on the internet!!" No. No people. No.

This. Is. Hope.

It's closer than it ever appears.

This Easter Sunday the Atonement felt more real to me than I think it ever has. Just because. I find it so amazing that no matter what we do, no matter where we are, the atonement can work in our lives. I thought of a phrase that I shan't soon forget. "I am a Daughter of God, and there is no off switch."

I am sitting here on the couch of my dear friend Camille's parents. The sliding glass doors spill light into the room and I am also texting Jake. I feel content with my life. I feel content with where it is going. All looks well from here. This house is one that I hope to kind of model my own after someday. With my own personal changes of course. =]

I want to just make a list of happy things. =] Things I'm thankful for in my life.

1: The Lord and His gospel.
    I would not be the same person without it, I wouldn't have the same future, I wouldn't be the same AT ALL without this in my life. I am so glad that I have the gospel to lead my life. =]

2: The internet. haha I dig it.

3: Jacob Willis. ;)

4: Music

5: My family

6: Potato Bread. Especially when it's made by Camille's mom. =]

7: The Dodd Family.

8: The Moss Family

9: Closets, and the fact that I fit in them. =]

10: Big Backyards.

11: Thomas S. Monson. Our beloved prophet.

12: Cherry Trees

13: Flowers That Aren't Roses

14: Bananas

15: My Laptop

16: Napkins

17: Airplanes

18: Lotion

19: Paint

20: Parks

21: My Cell Phone

22: Blogs

23: Quotes

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!

Keep cool and you command everybody.

Louis de Saint-Just (1767 - 1794)

We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.

Walt Kelly (1913 - 1973), "Pogo" (comic strip)

It is only by following your deepest instinct that you can lead a rich life, and if you let your fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin.

Katharine Butler Hathaway

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971)

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

The most potent muse of all is our own inner child.

Stephen Nachmanovitch

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.

Danny Kaye (1913 - 1987)

Couches and envelopes and umbrellas.

Song of the blog: The Only Exception_ Paramore

I like to sing this song. This song will be played at my wedding. That day though, every day, seems to get farther away. Not that I'm in a hurry, but everyone wants it eventually right?

So lets rewrite this song right now. No one is the exception. Even though they come to you on an airoplane, spend two amazing days promising you things that you know deep down they can never promise. And you want to believe them. You want to believe them so much that you do. You trust. You trust them. And then 24 hours after that airoplane flies them away you are crashing back down to earth. To the reality of grass that will forever be grass. Just grass... Not even soft grass either.

This. Is. Grass.

It is not sherbert.

The fairytale is lucky to have such amazing mascots. I feel like I almost give up on it at least once a month. Every time another guy comes into my life and then decides he doesn't want to be there. Then I look at people like my Bishop here, and his wife. They have grown kids, and they are forever in the honeymoon. They are so in love. And I do things like read Nicole Dodd's blog, and read about how happy and joyful she is in her life with her husband. And then I do stupid things like say to myself, "Ok, the fairytale is worth it. Chin up darlin." And then I do stupid things like trust people. Guys to be exact. Stupid things that I do....

And then I do stupid things like wonder if I should give second chances. And I wonder if I will ever learn my lesson. How many times will I have to get hurt before I learn not to trust? It didn't even take him 24 hours this time....

No this is not Felix. This is not Richard. This is not any guy that I would ever expect it from. But really, I should expect it from them all. This was Jake.

And now I look around and I wonder about this summer, I wonder what will happen. How many more times will he call? How many more times will he apologize? How many more times will he hurt me? And then I think, "None." I am going to get a job at pizza hut this summer. I am going to go running every day. I am going to make cheesecake. I am going to go to Warped Tour and a System of a Down/Gogol Bordello concert with my Colby WeezyJefferson Johnson. And I am going to hang out with my Daddy. And I am going to remember what I should remember every day. That I don't need anything else. I don't need to sing of love, I don't need to forgive Jake, and I don't need to feel anything but peace. I just want peace. I thought this weekend that I had found something that could grow into love eventually. I thought that slowly it would grow and be something that I have never had before. A relationship that is based around Christ, around the right principles. But he made the decision to go see his ex and make out with her. Well... I guess that means that, once again, I was wrong.

This. Is. Sherbert.

It is not grass.

When I was younger I saw my Daddy cry and curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it.
And now I have sworn that I will never let myself forget.

And that was the day that promised that I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone and keep a straight face.

And I'll always live like this, keeping a comfortable distance
And I'll tell myself I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it is ever worth the risk.

I've got a tight grip on reality and I won't let go of whats in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
I'll be left without the proof it's not a dream.

There are no exceptions.

Like my rewrite? Right now, I feel pretty sure of it. I dig it.

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!!!!!

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

Robert Wilensky, speech at a 1996 conference

To say the least, a town life makes one more tolerant and liberal in one's judgement of others.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882), Hyperion, 1839

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.

Agatha Christie (1890 - 1976)

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk.

Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Three Doctors, 1993

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Spike Milligan, from "The Goon Show"

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

Here's a funny cartoon. =]

That's what my biology teacher did to our final to make us feel better about taking it. He put funny cartoons on it. I think it worked.

[Spring is] a true reconstructionist.

Song of the blog: Where've You Been_ Kathy Mattea

So this morning I woke up to Jake texting me. He had just gotten into Salt Lake and he wanted to know if I wanted to have breakfast with him. I climbed out bed, didn't even get dressed. Put my hair up. He picked me up at around 10. We ate at Denny's. It was fun. I feel so guilty though and I don't know why. He likes me, I can tell, but I just don't see him like that. I keep seeing all these little reasons not to like him. And then I chide myself because I am never like that. Bagh!

This. Is. A. Door.

I dig this. Minus the christmas mat, I want this door.

Today is speeding by. Which I like. I want the next week to speed by. I want to fill it with studying and buying a swimsuit and packing and taking exams and then wake up one morning and have finals behind me and stuff my boxes into a storage room and go see my mom and family for a week and then get on a plane and fly away. 16 days. In 16 days I will fly away. 16 days. =)

This. Is. Fate.

hahaha..... She's gonna be tuna....

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!!!!

In summer, the song sings itself. 

William Carlos Williams (1883 - 1963)

 

A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. 

Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)

 

It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself. 

Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)

 

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had. 

Erica Jong, Fear of Flying, 1973

 

I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music.

George Eliot (1819 - 1880)

 

There will be a time when loud-mouthed, incompetent people seem to be getting the best of you. When that happens, you only have to be patient and wait for them to self destruct. It never fails.

Richard Rybolt

 

Undoubtedly, we become what we envisage. 

Claude M. Bristol

Ignorance is never better than knowledge.

Song of the blog: Hanging By A Moment_ Lifehouse

I like that there are strings in this song. I also love the lyrics. Especially because a moment is all we have.

I'm feeling very philosophical today. Deep stuff man, deep stuff. Really though, I've been thinking a lot.

Part of me wants to change names for this blog, but there is really no point since no one reads it anyway that won't know who I'm talking about. Why hide my thoughts really?

I don't like Jake as much as he likes me. I just don't. I kind of like him. But I can't really see us together. Our personalities are just too different, and we see the world completely differently. We have gone through a lot of the same things in our lives, but we took completely different things from them. I'm not saying that there is no chance. I'm going to hang out with him this weekend, but I have a feeling that he is planning our whole summer and naming our children already. I really can't see past this weekend, and I can Barely see this weekend. I'm giving him a chance, he's a really sweet guy, and he deserves that.

This. Is. A. Pop Tart.

hahahahahahaha!! I want a pop tart now....

Another thing that I've been thinking a lot lately. Felix. I know Nicole, every time I say his name you cringe and die a little inside, but he will never be gone from my life. Not completely. Someday we will marry other people and have a very different view of the world, but that day is not soon coming. I need Felix in my life. Life just isn't the same without him, it's not even really life. That is not going away, no matter how many times I tell myself that it is. The only thing I can do is not close myself off to every guy but Felix, and date around, with guys that are not Felix. I can like other people, that has been proven. I have come to the conclusion that the day I get married is the day I find someone I love more than I love Felix. That pretty much ensures that I will love him forever. Yipee...

This summer is not going to be a Felix summer. He won't even be there for most of it. 3 weeks at the most, right at the end of my time there. I really don't know how I will react to that. I am completely unpredictable when it comes to seeing him, and because there is more than 3 months between then and now it makes it even harder to guess. I don't even know what I WANT to happen. I know what is best for all of us, it's best for EVERYONE if we are just friends and we continue to be just friends for the rest of our lives. Thats what is BEST. I can't say though that that is what I definitely want..... Or how realistically possible it is.....

This. Is. A. Sweater.

hehe... Error....

I don't know what else to write about today.
Finals are here. I'm studying a lot and it's craziness. Jake is going to be bored with me tomorrow and I already warned him that I really need to study but we can go out to eat. I hate finals, but once they are done I will be so happy that it will not be able to be contained!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!

It's a poor sort of memory that only works backward. 

Lewis Carroll (1832 - 1898)

 

When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest. 

William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)

 

When we seek for connection, we restore the world to wholeness. Our seemingly separate lives become meaningful as we discover how truly necessary we are to each other. 

Margaret Wheatley

 

To be one's self, and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity. 

Irving Wallace

 

Other song of the blog: If You Can Afford Me_ Katy Perry

Hitler Taking Over The World With Rubber Chickens And And Army Of Snails.

Song of the blog: Godspeed_ Dixie Chicks

This is a song that is very close to my heart. It is my mom's song for Billy, and when I listen to it I know it will be my song for my sons. It just brings me peace. =)

Today is a good day. I feel happy today. =)

You remember DTR guy right? I found out over the weekend that he has a girlfriend. hahaha I was really mad at first. I wanted to punch him, and he deserves it. But then I was talking to Shaylie my dear for like 4 hours and my anger wayned and I realized that I'm not really hurt, I'm just mad that he lied to me. I hate being lied to, it's one thing that I cannot condone. Ever. So I will never speak to him. And if she knows what he is then she deserves him. I am finished, and so much the happier. =)

In other news, my old friend Jake is coming into town today. No one else calls him Jake, so I'm not sure if it's a good thing that I do. hahaha Point is, he's going to be in town this Thursday and Friday.

This. Is. A. Stove.

It looks fancy. But really, I doubt it can do much......

Jake is a story. I've known him since I was 16, and I've known his sisters since I was... 14 or 15? A long time. I went to girls camp and was a YCL with his sisters Jordan and Jessica. They became my good friends, especially Jessica. Jake bought me a milkshake after a stake dance once, and we went on one date before he left on his mission. I wrote him once, it wasn't much of a letter, and it never got to him anyway. so two years went by. I graduated high school and was dating Felix. It was right after Felix left, at a point that I was hopelessly in love and devoted to him, that Amberly asked me to go to a YSA activity and she and Rachel all but begged me to go. I finally decided to go, and I was texting Felix as I was getting into Amberly's car to tell him that I may not have service where I was going, cuz it was kind of in the middle of nowhere, and my phone died. Randomly. Without warning. I was a little panicy, like I said, I was very wrapped up in all things Felix back then. But I went, and I just held my phone the whole time like it had some kind of use. I saw my dear friend Kaitie Moon and she was talking to a very good looking guy. I walk up and we are all chatting and then good looking guy looks at me and says, "Really?? You don't know who I am???" "....Should I?" Well it was Jake. We caught up some that night and then I went back home to 12 messages from Felix. I called Nicole. She remembers this call. The next day or so. I was worried that I wasn't as committed to Felix as I thought. And other conversation we had. It was a good call.

This. Is. A. Microwave.

Simple and productive. It may not look fancy, but it's whats on the inside that counts. =]

Then I moved here. weeeee......  And I broke up with Felix. A good thing. Literally 2 minutes or seconds or some very short time after I did it Jake was IMing me on Facebook. Hahahaha. Yeah. We talked on he phone a lot. I liked him but we lived 30 hours apart, just not reasonable. So we dated other people.

Well, now he is visiting. And in 19 days I will be home for 3 1/2 months. We've been talking on the phone a lot. I like him, I have liked him for a while I just never let myself Really like him. Mayhaps I will now? Now that I have the chance? I don't know. Who really knows about these things right? I'll just let it be what it is and if it's just friends then it's just friends, if it's more then it's more. I'm done thinking too much about dating. No more will I be caught up in something that doesn't exist. I will take it at face value, give chances where chances are deserved, and actions and words combined equal belief. Something I should have been living by my whole life but it took DTR guy to really make me realize.

And Jake calls. He actually calls. He is a sweet guy and he likes me. He is exactly the sweet guy that I was starting to wonder if I could attract. Well here he is. And I wonder if I deserve it.... I shouldn't wonder. I do deserve a guy who treats me right. Finally a guy who treats me how I should be treated. This is a good thing right? This is what I wanted. Right? Hmmm....

This. Is. A. Cup.

When shall I learn my lesson guys?

Random Quotes!!!!!!!!!!

I’m telling you, things are getting out of hand. Or maybe I’m discovering that things were never in my hands.

Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com Weblog, August 2, 2003

No matter how far you travel or how much you run from it, can you ever really escape your past?

Becky Hartman Edwards and Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City, Escape from New York, 2000

If I have learnt anything, it is that life forms no logical patterns. It is haphazard and full of beauties which I try to catch as they fly by, for who knows whether any of them will ever return.

Margot Fonteyn (1919 - 1991)

Be wary of the man who urges an action in which he himself incurs no risk.

Joaquin Setanti

Evaluation of the Sitiation in the.... Nation? Blurb.

Song of the blog: What The Hell_ Avril Lavigne

I have missed two days, but I didn't know what to blog about. haha It's fine guys. It's fine. =p

Can I just say how much I love this song? Really. haha

You know those really annoying blogs that I have all the time where I just talk about how happy I am and how much I love my freaking life? This is one of those again. I love my life!

This reminds me of a certain vegitable with very good self esteem....

So much happiness and love towards this silly song. XD

She had a beard and it felt weird my friends all laughed.... Usta!

I'm now playing Angry Birds on Chris's IPhone. yay! I just beat his high score. This is such boring stuff! Why am I blogging about this! I don't know!



RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!!!!

Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it. 

Elias Schwartz

 

We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. 

 Lynn Hall, Where Have All the Tigers Gone?, 1989

 

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. 

Epicurus (341 BC - 270 BC)

 

Where there is love there is life. 

Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948)

 

We have got to have a dream if we are going to make a dream come true.

Denis Waitley

In Other Worlds, There Are People With Purple Pops.

Song of the blog: She Loves You _ The Brocks

Click The Link. Do It. You Will Not Regret It.

The Brocks is the name of the band that this guy in my office named Darrik is the guitarist. They are really good. Unrefortunatly playlist.com does not carry them yet. Someday. I dream big.

I also recommend buying their EP on itunes. Highly Recommend.

In other worlds....

This. Is. A. Planet.

The Red Planet. Otherwise known as Mars. Yeah....

My weekend rocked like no other. Hope came to visit me. We had some serious walks and talks. It was great. And then we went to my friend Camille's humble abode in Orem whilst her parents abide. It's a hugemungo house. Me and hope got our room. haha There are two families that live there, downstairs there are doors that go to separate apartments and that is where Camille's brother, sister-in-law, and their two small children reside. Madison, the sister-in-law, just had a baby on Friday. His name is Cole and every time he was carried into the room I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I got to hold him and it was so happy-making. I love babies. ADORE them. Truly.

Conference was amazing. Why must they talk about marriage so much though? I feel like it's everywhere. Every time I turn around someone is getting married or engaged or someone is telling me that I should/soon will get married and engaged. Not in that order. Bah.
Not that I'm against the idea, it's just weird seeing it everywhere. Around every corner. Marriage! It's everywhere!  Booglie Boo!!

Not that marriage says booglie boo.....

Blurb.

This. Is. An. Eraser.

I actually took this picture. I also decorated the eraser. Yay me. =]

I have to read Cranford by Elizebeth Gaskell now. Dear Nicole, I recommend it. Pre-Jane Austen. Victorian literature, very thought provoking. Yesh. =]



RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly.

Corra Harris

 

As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. 

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832), Faust

 

He who reigns within himself and rules his passions, desires, and fears is more than a king. 

John Milton (1608 - 1674)

 

The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor. 

Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City

Quote Day.

Song of the blog: Don't Know Why_ Norah Jones

Today I want to just do quotes. Lotsa quotes. My life is awesome and everything, but I'm tired of talking about it. So today, we shall soak up the wisdom of others, leave our bubble, step outside of our norm. This is something I encourage in my life often.

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. 

Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965) 

 

Not quite sure if I agree, but it's funny. haha

 

Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in.

Katherine Mansfield (1888 - 1923) 

 

How true is this!! Regret nothing, just learn from it.

When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.

Madeleine L'Engle (1918 - ), "Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art", 1980

 

So many people have many views of what it is to be an adult. I'm not sure if we'll ever really pinpoint a definition, but this I think is part of it. 

 

Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) 

 

You know I've never really believed in luck. This proves it.

You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. 

Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983)

 

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork. 

Edward Abbey (1927 - 1989)

 

Hahaha! I enjoy this one. So true.

 

Let the world change you and you can change the world. (Deje el mundo cambiarle y usted puede cambiar el mundo.)

Che Guevara (1928 - 1967)

 

RESPONSIBILITY, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary

I enjoy The Devil's Dictionary because it displays the ugly truth. This is what people actually do. (Not what they SHOULD do, but they ACTUALLY do. These are very different things sadly.)

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning. 

Jimmy Buffett, "Fruitcakes"

 

If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves. 

Maria Edgeworth, O Magazine, April 2004

 

I do this too much I think. I don't think enough about the future. But when I look back, man I have some great moments. =)

 

 

You do not lead by hitting people over the head--that's assault, not leadership.

Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)

 

Hahaha!!!

I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night, 'There must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I'm not going to worry about them. I'm dreaming the hardest.' 

Marilyn Monroe (1926 - 1962)

 

Not that Marilyn Monroe is the greatest role model, but this quote is wonderful. It applies to everything.

 

Perhaps the history of the errors of mankind, all things considered, is more valuable and interesting than that of their discoveries. Truth is uniform and narrow; it constantly exists, and does not seem to require so much an active energy, as a passive aptitude of the soul in order to encounter it. But error is endlessly diversified; it has no reality, but is the pure and simple creation of the mind that invents it. In this field the soul has room enough to expand herself, to display all her boundless faculties, and all her beautiful and interesting extravagancies and absurdities. 

 Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790), from his report to the King of France on Animal Magnetism, 1784

 

I don't know what he really wanted people to think when they heard this, or I guess what he wanted the King of France to think when he read it, but personally I think of how wonderful the human mind is. I really love the last line. I love people's interesting extravagancies and absurdities. They are the best part of a human I think. =)

 

There are all sorts of kisses... from the sticky confection to the kiss of death. Of them all, the kiss of an actress is the most unnerving. How can we tell is she means it or if she's just practicing?

Ruth Gordon

 

I, sadly, have way too much experience with these stupid actors.

 

 

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

 

Welcome to my view on dating. hahaha

 

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.

Dr. Frank Crane

 

Exactly?....

 

Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God. 

Joseph Smith, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, Section Five, 1842–43, p. 255

 

Wow... This fit with what I learned in conference this weekend so well. I need to just concentrate on the gospel, on obeying the commandments, and my life will fall into place. 

 

I can accept failure, but I can't accept not trying. 

Michael Jordan (1963 - )

 

This is my view on life in general.

 

Ludwig von Beethoven had never mastered the elements of arithmetic beyond addition and subtraction. A thirteen-year-old boy whom he had befriended tried unsuccessfully to teach him simple multiplication and division.

Jan Ehrenwald.

 

See? Just cuz I suck at math doesn't mean I can't be a genius!