The One....

Song of the blog: 18th Floor Balcony_Blue October

The one.... What kind of concept is that? What does it even MEAN? We say, "He/She couls be the one." The one for what? The one who you want to sleep with tonight? The one you want to have a fling with? The one who you want to pay for your movie ticket? Or the one you want to spen the rest of your life with? I haven't asked readers what they think of anything for a while, but I'm asking now. What does this even mean to you guys? Do you believe there could be one person out there who is looking for you, and you should be looking for them? Sometimes I think I believe that. There are times when I get this overwhelming feeling that I need to WAIT. I need to just hold on because he is coming. HE. HIM. MY him. But then I shake it off and I just go to class and move on with life because what kind of a concept is that? Who is this HIM, and does HE even exist? Am I just too much of a romantic deep down, and this feeling is just because I'm crazy and I should be commited to a hospitol for the insane? Possibly. I am insane. I'm crazy. I admit it. But this can't be true. There could not possibly be just ONE GUY that I've known for all of eternity who I am destined to be with. That sounds so Ridiculous! I am laughing even as I type this. hahahahaha I had a crazy dream once where I was just walking through campus and some guy just stopped in front of me and we stared at eachother for a second and the first thing he says is, "I know you." and the CARAZY thing is, I know him too. I sware I KNOW him! And so I say, "Yeah." And then I woke up. Whatever. It was a dumb dream. But it matches this feeling I've been getting lately. This stupid ridiculous feeling. But I keep getting it. Even about people. I'll be talking to a guy, thinking, "Hey, he's cute!" But before the conversation even goes anywhere I think, "No. He's not HIM." Weird right? I think I'm going crazy, even more crazy than I was before. Absolutely cookoo insane!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Song of the blog: Happy Birthday_Sung By Me!!!

I have not been able to get on facebook today. And so this ENTIRE blog entry shall be posted to FELIX DANIEL PRUESSE'S wall so that he knows I didn't forget his BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELIX!!!!!!!

YOU ARE NOW 18 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!! HOW DOES IT FEEL????? DID YOU PARTY??? HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY YOU FREAKING BESTEST FELIX DANIEL PRUESSE PERSON THAT WAS EVVVVERRRR INVENTED!!!!!!!! (yes, you were invented.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY AWESOMENESS MAN YOU PERSON FRIEND BEST FELIX AMAZING GUY YEAH COOL INDIVIDUAL AWESOME AWSMAZINGSOME FELIX SEXY PERSONA ICH LEIBE DICH YAY CARAZY SAWEET TODAY BIRTHDAY HAPPY....... CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!

.
.

.

.

.

.

HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

.

.

.

WAH!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

FELIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GUESS WHAT???? hApPy BiRtHdAy!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

.

.

.

HaPpY bIrThDaY tO fElIx dAnIeL pRuEsSa!!!!!!!!

.

.

.

.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FELIX! NOT FELIX THE CAT! FELIX THE GERMAN!!! YES!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY!!!!! Wait....... 

.

.

.

.

.

.

HAPPY FELIX DAY!!!!!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING BORN!!!!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

YAY FOR FELIX!!!!!!!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.
Zum Geburtstag Viel Glück!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.

yeah!

Totally Content With Life

Song of the blog: Stay Here Forever_Unkown Artist

I don't know who the chick is that sings this song, but it's my fave today. I have no idea why, it's different every day. Yesterday I was obsessed with Aimee Mann. hahaha

So today I am oddly content with life. I have a Religion 122 Midterm tomorrow, AND a Music 101 Baroque Era Test. I need to do some MAJOR studying for both. And yet I feel calm.

I think I know why. I have always had a problem remembering to pray every night and every morning. And lately I have had renewed determination to do it. Me and God have been chatting quite a bit lately, and every day I ask for help just to get through the day. Just so that I can get through it. Not conquor the day exactly, to just get through it, and He has been helping me.He has been upholding me and even, like today, when I'm sitting in Music 101 and our proffessor says, "Alright, so we have 20 minutes left, does anyone have anyone questions about your test tomorrow?" And I'm like, "Wha?!?" I thought it was next week. Not. And still, this feeling of calm comes over me. I know, somehow, that I will be ok. Weird.

Side Note: I need to update my resume. haha

I love this song today!!! I looked it up, and it turns out that it's by Jewel!! I think my friend..... I don't know what to name him. I give up. His name is Matthew. That was getting waay too confusing. hahahaha I think he told me that now that I think of it. hahahaha

Stay Here Forever Lyrics

Oh(Oh) Oh(Oh) Oh Oh

I'm laying here dreaming, Staring at the ceiling,

Wasting the day away.

The world's flying by

our window outside,

But hey baby thats OK.

This feels so right it can't be wrong,

So far, as I can see,

Where you wanna go baby,

I'll do anything.

(Chorus)

Cause if you wanna go, Baby let's go,

If you wanna rock, I'm ready to roll,

And if you wanna slow down,

We can slow down together.

If you wanna walk, Baby let's walk.

Have a little kiss, have a little talk.

We don't gotta leave at all,

We can lay here forever,

Stay here forever.

Oh Oh Oh Oh

If you wanna see that Italian tower leaning,

Baby we can leave right now.

If that's too far,

We can jump in the car, and take a little trip around town.

They say that California

is nice and warm this time of year.

Baby, say the word, and we'll just disappear.

(Chorus)

Cause if you wanna go, Baby let's go,

If you wanna rock,I'm ready to roll.

And if you wanna slow down,

We can slow down together.

If you wanna walk, Baby let's walk.

Have a little kiss, have a little talk.

We don't gotta leave at all,

We can lay here forever,

Stay here forever.

Oh, It's a big world for a boy and a girl,

Letting go of it all,

Holding on to one another.

Oh, there's a whole lot of world to discover,

Under the covers.

So if you wanna go, Baby lets go,

If you wanna rock, I'm ready to roll,

If you wanna slow down,

We can slow down together.

If you wanna walk, Baby lets walk,

Have a little kiss, have a little talk,

We don't gotta leave at all,

We can lay here forever,

Stay here forever.

Let's just lay here forever,

Stay here forever.

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Today Will Be A Good Day. =D

Song of the blog: Todays The Day_Aimee Mann

Woke up. Realized I never set an alarm. Looked at phone. I still have 8 minutes before I have to get up anyway. Layed there for 2 minutes. Couldn't relax quite how I wanted to. Decided to get up. Prayed. Climbed down from skyscaper that I sleep on.

That was me waking up this morning. hahaha Now my laundry is in the dryer, I have a breakfast hotpocket in the microwave, and I'm writing a blog. Today will be a good day. :)

Ooooo! I just took my hotpocket out of the microwave in all it's cheesyhammy glory! Yes! So good! Mmmmmmm!

So yesterday's bad mood and exhaustedness. Guess what? It went away a little bit into FHE last night. I guess I just needed my good old ward family. haha I love them. <3 I almost didn't go too. I was so tired, and I had just bought a carton of orange juice and I was sooooooo tempted to just drink myself into an orange juice coma and die. But I had a strong feeling that I should go to FHE. So I did. I dragged my feet the whole way too. But Heavenly Father knows me, and knew that I needed to go. I'm really glad too. I think I would still be in that bad funk if I hadn't gone.

In other news, DEVOTIONAL! I love devotional. I'm leaving here at 10:15 at the latest. It depends on how long my clothes decide to take in the dryer. I'm having a good hair day today so that cuts off like 20 mintues of prep-time.

TODAY WILL BE A GOOD DAY. =D

When Not Even Orange Juice Is Helping.......

Song of the blog: Who Will Save Your Soul_Jewel


Once again, I'm at work, so really the song is just stuck in my head.


So I'm in a funk. A weird sort of funk that I can't seem to get out of.


I have gotten through 3/4 of this bottle of orange juice. Nothing. Not a smidge better. I'm simply drinking orange juice. It's delicious, but ineffective. This is not normal. So I am going to drink more.


Work is helping though. It's calming; it's familiar even though I haven't worked here long. I like how it's the same thing every day.


Maybe that’s why I'm in such a weird mood. I sit at the same table every day, eating a pizza bagel, cream cheese, and orange juice. It's my stable tradition. But today, someone was at my table. And then I tried to relax and eat my bagel, but I was still hurrying because I had to go and turn in a paper. And so I didn't even drink my orange juice. I haven't had any orange juice today until now at work. So my whole day was thrown off this morning.


My day shouldn't be that fragile, I know unhealthy right? But combine that with allergies and the fact that my whole body hurts, and that I didn't go to bed until midnight:something so I got no sleep. That makes for a bad day right? A day that I need things to go smoothly, no random lady that takes my table and throws off my equilibrium.


And now here is my roommate pissing me off. I love her. She is a great person and she's really fun. But you just don't text someone and say, Hey can you buy toilet paper, me and ____ bought the last two and we were just wondering if you could contribute! Thanks.


Excuse me?


I bought one, then she did, then ____ did, and so now it is my turn. Obviously. So I was planning on buying toilet paper today anyway. It's the little I can actually do because I AM POOR. My food plan happens to cover toilet paper though. I am already not having a good day. Don't treat me like I'm a lazy bum ok? It's just not cool.


I think I just need to just live on my own. I love my roommates, they are good friends, but it's just way too stressful constantly wondering what I did today to piss them off. I have enough stress. I am a fulltime student. I have a job. I have a scholarship to uphold. I am paying for all of this myself. My parents don't have money. My Dad couldn't even afford to get me a birthday present, so he left me a beat boxed voicemail of Happy Birthday on my phone. I loved it. Anyone who thinks I'm lazy can kiss my dust as I do the impossible and be the first person to go to college and graduate from a university in my family. I'm a little bit fuming right now. And the orange juice is not helping. Maybe I'm just on edge today. I don't like it when people think they are above me though. It seriously makes me mad. Not that she thinks that. It may have been just how she worded the text. She may not have meant it to sound condescending at all. And in that case I would be sorry for feeling angry. Because I do love my roommates. They are great girls.


I apologize for the ranting. I feel a little better. And I'm not really mad anymore. I can't be mad very long. It's too energy-sucking.

Feeling As Fragile As A Small Twig On The Ground.

Song of the blog: Send Some Rain_Unkown

I love this song.

Send some rain
Would You send some rain
Because the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade

Would You send a cloud
Thunder long and loud
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid

But maybe not
Not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if thats the case
We'll give thanks to you
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for you
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread
Give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups and fill them up again tonight

Wrap us up
And warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy rooves
Let us slumber safe from danger's veiw this time.

Or maybe not
Not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if thats the case
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitide
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view
If no roof is over head
And if we never taste that bread.

Oh the differences
That often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace
Jesus grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between our allies and enemies tonight

Or maybe not
Not today
Peace might be another world away
And if thats the case
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You.
That we are blessed beyond what we could every dream
In abundance or in need.
If You never grant us peace.
But Jesus
Would You please?



Isn't that just beautiful? Listening to it, and singing it, brings tears to my eyes almost every time.

Sunday today was wonderful. It was special to me. I always love Fast and Testimony Meeting. And today was no different. There was so much that stood out to me, so much that hit me.

The one that hit me the hardest was in Relief Society our teacher this week said a quote, "You can believe IN God. But it's another thing entirely to BELIEVE Him." We not only need to know what He is saying and promising, we need to believe Him. We need to believe that He will fulfill His promises. He will. God will ALWAYS fulfill His promises.

I feel so fragile right now. Like a breeze could blow me away. Or anyone could walk up and step on me and I would be in pieces. I remember times when I have felt so close to my Heavenly Father, like He was sitting right next to me, comforting me, holding me up. There have been times when He has literally helped me walk when I just didn't have the strength to do it on my own. And yet I still have a hard time believing Him when He promises that He will always be there. There are days like this when I feel so fragile, so quiet, like thin glass, or a small twig on the ground. Like I can't do anything. And so I need Him. I need my Heavenly Father on these days just to keep breathing. Without this gospel in my life I don't know I could have survived to 19 years old. I would be a small ball in the corner with nothing to live for. But God upholds me. He keeps me up. He is the rock that I build my life on. Without Him I would simply wash away.

I know that I am important to Him.  Also talked about in Relief Society today were the two greatest comandments. "The first Great Comandment is to love thy God with all thy heart.." "The second is to love thy neighbor as thyself." That is how important His children are to Him. We are the second greatest comandement. To love eachother. To take care of eachother. It is a comandment that we are loved and cared for. And we in turn are comanded to love and care for others. "The more we love, the more we are able to love." The more we excersise the muscle of our heart, the more we can use it.

I also had the thought again, "I can't believe I'm actually home." When I lived in Nebraska for those 3 horrible months my junior year of high school, and then we moved back to Parsons, Kansas, I remember saying all the time, "I can't believe I'm actually home!" It felt soooooo good to be back in a place that I was accepted and loved. I was home. And now I am finally here at BYU. I am living my wildest dreams. Going to college used to be among my most impossible dreams. But I did it. I'm here. And I can't believe that I'm finally home. I am home.

A Talk That I Forgot To Blog About

Song of the blog: A Song About A Parking Lot(real name unkown)_Limbeck

I talked to Dean. Finally.

I'm the type of person who can't hold a grudge for very long. There are few instances in my life that I have been really angry/hurt for any lengthy amount of time, but most of the time it just gets tiring. I literally get tired of being mad, and I talk to the person and forgive them because it is just nicer to get along with people. I finally got tired of being mad at Dean. The past is the past. Swept under the rug so to speak. So we talked. And before I could say anything at all he apologized for not giving me the respect I deserve. I liked that. So I told him I forgive him. And then we talked. And caught up on stuff and we're cool now. We're not best friends by any means, and it will EVAR be romantic again, but we're cool. We talk when we run into eachother, and say hello, it's nice. I like it. And so I have nobody to be mad at now. I like that too! =D Being mad is so energy-consuming. I'm too lazy for that game.

The End. ;D

Party time. =D

P.S. I just noticed that the song I'm listening too is about a parking lot. And I'm going to a party in a parking lot. This could not be more chuckle worthy if I had planned it. hehe

People.

Song of the blog: Save Me_Jem

Why are people, in general, so disposable? Why can we one minute think, "This person is important, I like him/her as a friend/potenital lover." to the next minute thinking, "Eh. Whatever." How does this happen?

Take this example. I went to a concert with this guy, we got along great, talked about a lot, he walked me to my door, I was happy with it. Then today the same guy comes over to help me out with some American Heritage studying. He's here for maybe 10 mintues, helps me, leaves, and I think, "Eh. He's nice." and I begin to think about the party that is tonight. I could never see him again and I probably wouldn't even notice. Which is what brings me ask, "Is that just me?" Because this happens all the time! I meet people, and for a few days we get along great, and then suddenly I just don't care anymore. Is that even healthy?

So I am cutting this short. Because there is a party tonight in a parking-lot, and I need to get ready. ;D I love college!!!!

The Weekend Coming. Oh How Sweet The Day Is! =D

Song of the blog: You Belong With Me_Taylor Swift (I'm not actually listening to it. It's stuck in my head.)

I don't like this whole 4 hours a day that I can't listen to music. I love my job, so I'm not complaining to much, but I miss my tunes. :p

My seesters and my former stepdad are coming to visit this weekend!!!!!!!!! I just found out this morning from my older little sister. .lol. She tagged me in a facebook status announcing that they are coming. If not for that then I wouldn't have known. hahaha Ah, technology. :) I just have to get through this next 30 minutes of work and then my anthropology lab and then YAY!!!!!!!! =D We're going to Lagoon tomorow too! Or so I hear. I'm soooooo excited!!! I miss my seesters! And I'm excited to show my stepdad around campus. For some reason even though he and my mom split in a realllllllly ugly divorce, I still want him to be proud of me. He told me when I was 13 or 14 years old that all he wanted was for me to graduate high school and go to college. Now that I'm here I want to show him everything. I feel like I'm living my dreams as well the dreams he had for me. I have worked very hard to get my life on the path that it is on, and I love it. I can't wait to show him. :)

Yay! Time for me to go!

I googled my name. Thats how bored I am.

Song of the blog: Nothing. There is no music aloud in this dreadful place. I'm thankful even for the squeaking of the man's chair who is taking a test.

The proctoring room. My own personal hell. I did a lot of reading for school during my amazing Thursday break from 9 to 11:30. (Oh and I saw Dean. I guess I do know some about humanity. Darn it.) So now I have only a chapter to read. Wonder. Happiness. I need some SOUND! Squeak away chair, squeak away. 

There is only one man left in here testing. When he is gone I will be alone. Maybe I will take some calls, but I will definitely be getting a drink. I'm parched.*Cough.* *cough.* See?

So the book I am reading is for anthropology. I'm starting to seriously dislike this professor. The first day I thought he was cool. Opinion quickly falling. And my T.A. might be cute, but I would appreciate some feedback Please and Thank you. I don't know if I'm understanding the material correctly or not! I have help from my friend who is also in that class. So that has helped. He's pretty cool too. Fun to hang out with. It's getting hard to keep track of what I'm naming everybody. So he will be Anthropology Man. Like a superhero or something. hahaha

One more guy just came in. Holy Cow. Get me out of here! No talking, no music, no breathing too loudly. This guy that just came in: sniffs a lot. Stared at me for a minute before he started his test. I'm sure he's a nice person, but I want to get out of here now. 

My friend just suggested through facebook (she commented on my status and I get a text on my phone telling me) that I google my name under images. My name is Heaven. Predictable much? But I'm going to do it. Know why? Cuz I'm dyin here.

Google Findings:
         Lots of stairway to Heaven pictures.

         a RED-NOSE-HEAVEN picture. A wooden puppetman peeps through a whole in the ceiling.

         A Tortilla Heaven movie add

 
         A Simpsons picture of catholic heaven.

 
         A picture over a lake with lots of pretty rainbow colors.

         A Bunny Heaven picture.  

         I'm not really sure what this is.

         Some German book.

         Robot Heaven. 

         Heaven or Hell Doors. 

         I just love this one. 

         A lot of road to heaven pictures.  

         A funny shirt.   

         A lot of pictures of the sky.  

        
         A Beijing "Temple of Heaven"

 
         A picture of Orlando Bloom. 

         Wheat. 

         This guy. 

         One that I agree with.  

         Proof that God loves dance. 

         This guy. 

         Brain Worship? 

         Even the cherubs argue sometimes. 

         Last one I swear. 
         Chairway to Heaven. 

I hope you get a kick out of this. I was kinda sorta less bored while I was doing this. hahaha I'll do my reading now. 

 

I should soooooo be studying right now. :p

Song of the blog: Until The Morning_Emilian Torrini and occasionaly I turn it off to listen to the jazz playin guy on the piano next to me. ;D

What am I doing right now? i'm sitting in the Wilk. "studying" Yeah.....

What should I be doing right now? Sitting in the Wilk. STUDYING. Yeah.

What else am I doing right now? Being nervous cuz I don't want to see Dean. I saw him here last week, and if he's anything like me then he is predictable. I am here at the same time every day. Usually eating a blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese. Maybe I'll mix it up and eat some fruit too. Always with Orange Juice. Always. But today I forgot my wallet at home. So alas I shall go hungry. Poor me. hahaha But the point is, I'm here every single day at the same time. I am a person of habit. I like my rituals. Most human beings do. So if I know anything about humanity he very well may be in this building. I hope that I'm stupid and I know nothing about humanity. I might go visit my friend that works at the cougereat though. I can be fairly sure he will be there working. I haven't seen him in a while.

I need to be STUDYING!

Talking my ear off, and papercuts on my thumb.

Song of the blog: Office Gossip_ The wonderful ladies around me(don't look this up, it's not a song.)

So I can see why this lady was freaking out, her son is having sooooo much trouble with this course. And so I give her my email and say I will email it on to the instructor and she never emailed me! I'm leaving in about 3 or 4 minutes and I have nothing. I can't stay. I have to go now actually.

Devotional, and the ugliest shoes of all time.

Song of the blog: The horible silence of the testing room I'm proctering in, and the Organum that is stuck in my head. Thank you Music 101.

Well, today has been eventful. I took my first Music 101 test today and I recieved an 86%. I'm a little disapionted, but for as much studying as I got done I did better than I should have. No to self: Study More.
I actually have my textbook here with me and after I'm done typing this I'm going to review what I just tested over and then read ahead. :) See, I'm a good student. (In Music 101 at least.)

After my test, still in my pj's, I went to Devotional with two of my buddies. They are togather a lot. :) I find it fun to watch, but there probably isn't anthing romantic about it, to my own disapiontment. I love watching other people fall in love. Anyway, I went to devotional. It was amazazing. Robert D. Hales f the quorem of the 12 was speaking just 50 feet in front of me! And then e said that the dumbest thing that we could ever do is try to live this life alone. And once again it drove home. Independant Woman status gone. Ok. Yes sir God. I can't do all this by myslef. That question has been answered. Love exists. I believe You now.

I knew before that love exists, I was just seriosulsy doubting the CURRENT status of existance. I mean, look at Jimi. Everything we have gne through is a testiment to love's existnce. But me an Jimi will probably never see eachother again outside of skype. And so I went out with Dean. Worst deision ever. Complete idiot he is. And then I was so busy that  didn't think about it all. And then I thought about it and ike I said, I started to question the current status of love's exstance in my life. I knew what Heavenly Father would say. So I just stopped. And I explaned that already. But now Heavenly Father has said, "Fine, you aren't going to ask me about this, I'll make my opinion on the very important matter known ANYWAY." He knows he can't force me to do anything. But he can stress the importance of not being alone. I'm getting the message. haha

So I am at work. I am proctering. This is the most boring part of my job. Everyone else likes it. But I hate it. It's silence for hours on end. I would rather go insane taking calls. Today is slow, there was only one person in here taking a test. And that guy finished. I sat here for a bit just to make sure no one else as coming in, and then I got up to go and check with front desk so I could go put my cup of soup in the microwave because I'm staharving. There was a lady p there who is in here now. So it will at least be 45 minutes if not more before I get my soup. Ugh. One more complaint: I can't wait to go home and shower!

I will study now. At least this text is interesting.

Wait! The ugliest shoes of all time! I read an article that was talking about the ugliest shoes of all time! http://shine.yahoo.com/event/fallstyle/the-ugliest-shoes-well-ever-2388563/#photoViewer=19
They are absolutely hideous! And there was on pair that I always knew was a fashion DISASTER! Crocks. Or however you spell those disgusting things. I have never allowed a pair to touch my feet, and this article just reaffirmed my belief. gafds.

A relization to end all other realizations.

Song of the blog: I Never Told You_Colbie Caillat


Stake Conference like changed my life today I swear. .lol. I have been thinking the past few weeks like bitter old woman. Don't need a man. I got myself. I can take myself anywhere I want. I will never get married because it won't last anyway. And I was sticking to it. I was seriously set. I was never going to date again. The very thought of it made me sick. And then I went to stake conference. And the speaker was an apostle. And my world was turned upside down.

There has been one question my entire life that has never been answered until today. The one thing that has never made sense to me. The one thing that I have prayed about and the answer never hit home. "Can two people reallt love eachother and stay together their entire lives?" I've ever only known one answer. And that was no. Even with Jimi, and I would still walk through fire for him, even with him I just didn't know.

But this man. This man's wife died in 1995. Almost 16 years ago. And this man still tears up when he says how much he loves her. They never fought. 45 years together and they NEVER fought. That is absolutely UNHEARD of. It blew my mind that it was even possible. While this man spoke of his wife, and their life together. As he spoke of how they were married the Temple for all of eternity and then charished eachother, and how he knows that when the Lord takes him from this earth they will run to eachother and know that they will never again be apart. As this man spoke. It was all I could do not to start sobbing. Everything I thought I knew was turned upside down. Through the whole weekend Heavenly Father had been having people talking about love and how inmportant it is. But it wasn't until this man spoke that I gave in. I knew that the Lord didn't support my decision to just do this all alone. But I was stubborn. I didn't want to face the fact the fact that I won't be able to live this life alone. I was quiet on the way back home. I was still processing. I was in shock. My mind is still trying to make sense of it. But thats the thing. My heart knows. My mind just hasn't caught up yet.

This does NOT mean I'm going to go and marry the first guy I see. I'm just not giving up on love. How can anyone give up on love after hearing this man speak? He is the richest man in the world. By listening to him talk you would think that he OWNS the world. That is happiness. Thats TRUE happiness. I'm not giving up on that. Someday I will have that. I will be one half to a whole unit. It will just be right when it happens. And I will try not to fight it. Some people spend their whole lives looking for love, and I was about to spend my whole life running away from it. But God knows best. hahaha :)

Brown Camp. ;D

Song of the blog: Sing For The Moment_Eminem

I heart Eminem. He's a perty cool guy, not that I know him personally. His music is honest though. Well, a lot of it. hahaha

So yesterday I left work late. My dear friend Mariah called me and asked me if she should hold the vans for me for the retreat. I said, "Yes!""How long will it take you to get here?" "5 to 7...... or 10 minutes." I almost told her 5 to 7 business days. Work is going to drive me insane, but I love it. hahaha So I clocked out and ran for my lifers to the vans. I made it, but my group van was full so I rode in a different van. It turns out the driver/counsler of that van is this guy named..... Timmy haha, that I met when I lived in Raintree. I went to the volleyball courts with a group of people and he was there. Interesting. The whole time I had a hard time thinking of him as an authority figure. hahaha The whole weekend was fun. And now I'm home and I took a sweet shower and I'll make cheesecake later. I'm making chocolate strawberry cheesecake today too. :) Only instead of using chocolate I'm going to use nutella. :D Yayeah!!!

Awkward encounters, and a test of my knowledge in all things Independent Study.

Song of the blog: We Might Get On_Kate Nash

I'm a little iffy on the name of that song, but it's stick in my head and it's been there all day. haha

I'm at work, I have just taken my training test and it was way easier than I thought it was going to be. I'm sitting here waiting for my trainer to come back so I can say, hello I'm finished, and she will say oh good,  and take it from me and then I will no longer be in training. I'm still a newbie though. By the way, I love my job. :) It's perty great. Even though I'm not getting paid this week, but I'll get paid next payday and it will be a huge paycheck. Which will be niice. :)

So I just took a bunch of calls on my own, and I think I'm doing really well. :D It's nervousmaking, but once I get in the swing of it then it's kinda fun. And my trainer is done grading my test and we are going to go over it. The test is just basicaly(spelling?) to see how much I learned in training.

I got an 88%. :D Yayness. And it clarified a lot of the things I was confused about before. Now I'm sitting with my Cisco on ready and it's really slow today so I'm actually wating on a call instead of just trying to help people at the spped of light because people have been waiting on hold for 2000 seconds. We feel really bad when that happens, but with training going on and it being the beginning of the school year we get so backed up that it's hard to find a moment to breath. haha But today I have time to blog. :p

So I mentioned awkward encounters in the title. There is a story. I saw Dean yesterday. You may not recall that Dean is the idiot that kissed me and then didn't call for 3 days and the conversation went something like we should just be friends, so glad that we're on the same page, haha yeah. (me thinking, friends? no. How about I hat that you exist.) And then I forgot about him. He texted me on my birthday and said "Happy Birthday Heaven." I just said Thanks. He says "Your Very Welcome." I delete and then I forget about him. If I don't forget about him then my Dad's voice comes into my head, "At least he got some macking in." And then I just want to shoot myself. So I just forget that he exists. It's better that way. Well yesterday I was in the YServe Office so I could find out about becoming a tutor for High School English students. She was on the phone and so I sat down. I glance out the window and who else is standing there staring at the YServe sign like it's a Jane Austin novel? Dean. The walls are made of glass. There is no hiding for either of us. He continues to stare at this sign for the remainder of the woman's phone call. It's not a short phone call. Finally the call ends and I start talking to the woman again. Dean looks at me and walks away slowly, like he's not sure if he should wait. I just will him telapathically to leave out of the corner of my eye. When I'm done talking to the woman I go the long way back to the cougereat to get another Orange juice. I walk into the Wilk door and look who is walking down the same halway I was hoping to go down to AVOID him! He sees me and kind of pauses. I pull the scrating head and turning corner move. I go an even longer route and don't see him again. Hence awkward encounters. I don't even know if I'm spelling awkward right. I'm going to google it.............. Yep, I'm spelling it right.

I get to leave in 20 minutes!!! Yay for weekend retreats!!!

CougerEat Breakfast. I Heart Thursdays. =D

Song of the blog: Red Flag_Billy Talent.

Thursdays are the best days of my week. I may have an 8 oclock class, but it's a lab, and then I have free time until I walk to work at 11:30. It's waay nice. I'm currently sitting at a table in the cougereat eating a blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese slathered all over it. Wonder and happiness. =D

I was soooooo tired yesterday though. It  was bad enough that when I realized that I had 20 minutes of free time, I went to a bathroom with a comfi (enough) chair, set an alarm, and fell asleep. Heavenly Father was watching over me though, and my scholorship meeting was over and the long walk home was threatening to completely destroy me, who else but my good friend carl is also at the meeting? Chris also lives at Wyview, and carl has a car. :) And carl and his girlfriend-like-character gave me a ride home. Bliss.

And so here I am. Content. Rested. Showered. Happy. Wonder. Bliss.

I realized today that all of my classes have conections. They all have similarities in study. It was a very interesting revelation when in American Heritage Lab my T.A starts talking about the same thing we have been discussing in Anthropology. What holds societies together. It's a very interesting topic. One that I hadn't truelly thought about before I started these classes. I love this whole mind stretching thing. :)

Oh and since I haven't talked about any boys yet in this blog, it turns out that Alana's friend's roomate, MadGab guy, (I can't rember what I named him.) works here. And the day before yesterday I talked to Jimi on skype. It was weird because I could only hear him, and he could only see me. Thats all the news in boy world.

Get A Brazilian Between 3 and 5!

Song of the blog: Amazing Grace_Sung by Somebody. With whales in the background.

So today was the best day ever. haha Maybe not Best Day Ever 3000, but certainly Best SUNDAY Ever. I was put in charge of Ward Prayer, along with a guy I will name Stuie. I sang Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing, and there were several people that closed their eyes and just listened. It was amazing. That was the best I have ever sang it. And I made bbq chicken in the crockpot that turned out Amazing with a capitol A. And next weekend I'm going to make cheesecake. And then my roomate, Alana, had some friends over. It was a guy named Jason, and his roomate named Nathan. (Those are not their real names of course.) They came over and ate the rest of the pudding I made. Made some jokes about the food of Heaven. At least it was good food. hahaha We looked at this funny magazine and laughed about it. Told funny stories. Then, without even noticing it, we kinda pared off. Alana was sitting at the table showing Jason a bunch of pictures on her laptop, and Nathan and I were on the couch playing Mad Gab. We are both good at it, and it was really fun. After a few rounds Alana and Jason joined us. It was really funny. We all laughed a lot. And I could tell that Nathan was wanting to sit closer to me. He's pretty cute so when he says come sit by him, I do. He's really funny and nice, and he puts his arms around me. All in all it was a really fun night. We all got to know eachother more and we will all hang out again. Nathan is 24, return missionary, but I'm not going to read into Nathan AT ALL. Not after what happened with Dean the idiot of all idiots. I will not kiss Nathan unless a relationship happens. I'm done with that game. And at this point it is way too soon to tell. Nothing could ever happen, and I would be perfectly ok with that. :)

Now tomorow!! Today technically It's Labor Day, so I have no class, no work!!! I'm having a two day extravaganza birthday celebration!!! And on tuesday I'm going to say to everyone, "It's mah birthday, whatchya got for meh???" I love birthdays. And I will be 19 years old. :) 19!! Can you believe it??? I can't believe it! But I have a saying. "You're not old until you give in to being old. I'm still gonna be young when I'm 90."

Friday Night and A Failed Self-Experiment.

Song Of The Blog: The songs from the partay that keep resounding in mah skull. Wooh.

So today I decided something. I decided I was going to be a work-o-holic for a week. From friday to friday. Nothing but school and work. I failed. I started good. I walked home, I started on my homework, and I was stuck on one question for an hour! I did NOT get it! And then my girls came over and they told me about all these parties going on tonight. I finished my assignment for Anthropology, and then we went partying!! Most of them were lame, but a couple were ok. We made appearences at them all. Finally Mariah and I stuck to one, and I met a very goodlooking man-hunk named......Luke. :) Luke is from Orem, and Luke is goodlooking. And luke is in the guitar class I wanted! So I failed my self-experiment. I failed miserably and one sooo many levels. But now I'm going to fall asleep. Peace out.

Holy Crapsy I'm Gonnnnnnnaaaaaa DIE!!

Song of the blog: Silence. For once. Ahg.

So in the last week, my life has changed so drastically that whatever life I had before seems far away and distant. I used to sleep in. I used to breath on a regular bases. I used to have all the time in the world to hang out with friends, write a blog every day, and write ridiculously long emails to jimi. Now my life is the opposite. I have to schedule breathing into my day. BREATHING! On most days I don't have time to eat until at least 6pm, sometimes 7pm. In about a month if I'm not in the best shape of my life then I'm suing my own body for breaking its own laws. I am constantly walking to running somwhere. And so in theory I should be losing some major weight. In theory. And I rarely have time to eat, as I stated above. I woke up at 7:30am this morning, and I had to rush, ponytail fail it, and rush out the door. My face is breaking out so badly that it should be illegal. It's not that bad, but it's bad for me. :(

And yet... I like it. My body constantly hurts, but I like the gogogog of it all. I never have nothing to do. Life is never boring. And I love it. I love that I have a job where I can help people out. I love that I go into classes and open up my laptop and take notes, and take in knowledge. I love that I actually study now. I never studied in High School! I love that I am getting into shape(theoretically). I really don't care that I don't have guys trailing after me, because honestly I don't have time for them! I think I'm becoming a work-a-holic. I love work. I was thinking today that I could just constantly be doing work and school, and never be social, and I would be happy. I would be learning, and I would talk to people at work. I would have perfect grades, I would get really good at my job. The more I think about it, the more I want to do it. Is that bad? Is it so horrible? It's not like I have a boyfriend, or a family, that I'm not coming home to, or that I would be ignoring. I could come home as soon as my day is over, do homework, study, watch some t.v. listen to some music, go to bed, wake up, go to school, go to work, come home. etc! I think it sounds fantastical. But I should do homework now, and eat the choco cake that is calling my name. :)