Time. It is something man made up to measure our existance, but why? Why must we always have deadlines? Why must we always have a time for things to end? Why does everything always have to end?
Maybe it's because I'm exhausted. Maybe it's because my deadlines for school just keep getting closer and cloaser together, and every time I think I have 'time' to breath, something else comes up and breathing is put off another day. It makes me miss high school. I didn't think it was at the time, but everything was so easy back then. If I wanted to walk down the street and see Colby I could. If I wanted to lay down and take a nap, I could. This often times happened in math class. haha But thats not the only reason I hate time. I also hate time because it never warns you when it's running out. Like the first lines in the song of the blog. "Do you remember when we didn't care?" "We were just two kids that took the moment when it was there." I want to be able to take the moment again. I hate all this planning and regulating my time. I miss the time when the sun going down meant nothing. It was exiting even. It meant the stars would come out soon and the fireflies would fly. Night used to mean magic. Now it just means I have less time to write my paper that is due tomorow. Now it just means I have to turn the light on. It just reminds me that another night of little to no sleep is here. Why does life have to change? Why couldn't I have just stayed in that place? Why couldn't the summer before I left have lasted forever? We had just graduated high school. We were free. Anything was possible. The moment was ours to take. Until reality set in. Until we were getting ready to start new lives. You're never ready for your whole life to turn backwards....
I hate time. I don't hate my life. I don't hate this school. I don't hate college. I just hate time. Because I can't get used to anything. I can't love anything, it will gone before I can really appreciate it. It will be gone before I can even finish asking God to please please please make it last. I want summer back. I want magic back. I used to have magic everywhere. I used to see magic everywhere, feel magic everywhere. Now it's gone. I can't find it anymore execpt in small moments. I love those moments. I can still see it when it rains. I can still see it when I'm at FHE laughing with my fam and not worrying about the rest of life. I can still see it in good people like my friend Britta. But these are rare moments compared to how the magic used to fill my life. I didn't even recognize it until it was gone.
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