Couches and envelopes and umbrellas.

Song of the blog: The Only Exception_ Paramore

I like to sing this song. This song will be played at my wedding. That day though, every day, seems to get farther away. Not that I'm in a hurry, but everyone wants it eventually right?

So lets rewrite this song right now. No one is the exception. Even though they come to you on an airoplane, spend two amazing days promising you things that you know deep down they can never promise. And you want to believe them. You want to believe them so much that you do. You trust. You trust them. And then 24 hours after that airoplane flies them away you are crashing back down to earth. To the reality of grass that will forever be grass. Just grass... Not even soft grass either.

This. Is. Grass.

It is not sherbert.

The fairytale is lucky to have such amazing mascots. I feel like I almost give up on it at least once a month. Every time another guy comes into my life and then decides he doesn't want to be there. Then I look at people like my Bishop here, and his wife. They have grown kids, and they are forever in the honeymoon. They are so in love. And I do things like read Nicole Dodd's blog, and read about how happy and joyful she is in her life with her husband. And then I do stupid things like say to myself, "Ok, the fairytale is worth it. Chin up darlin." And then I do stupid things like trust people. Guys to be exact. Stupid things that I do....

And then I do stupid things like wonder if I should give second chances. And I wonder if I will ever learn my lesson. How many times will I have to get hurt before I learn not to trust? It didn't even take him 24 hours this time....

No this is not Felix. This is not Richard. This is not any guy that I would ever expect it from. But really, I should expect it from them all. This was Jake.

And now I look around and I wonder about this summer, I wonder what will happen. How many more times will he call? How many more times will he apologize? How many more times will he hurt me? And then I think, "None." I am going to get a job at pizza hut this summer. I am going to go running every day. I am going to make cheesecake. I am going to go to Warped Tour and a System of a Down/Gogol Bordello concert with my Colby WeezyJefferson Johnson. And I am going to hang out with my Daddy. And I am going to remember what I should remember every day. That I don't need anything else. I don't need to sing of love, I don't need to forgive Jake, and I don't need to feel anything but peace. I just want peace. I thought this weekend that I had found something that could grow into love eventually. I thought that slowly it would grow and be something that I have never had before. A relationship that is based around Christ, around the right principles. But he made the decision to go see his ex and make out with her. Well... I guess that means that, once again, I was wrong.

This. Is. Sherbert.

It is not grass.

When I was younger I saw my Daddy cry and curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it.
And now I have sworn that I will never let myself forget.

And that was the day that promised that I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone and keep a straight face.

And I'll always live like this, keeping a comfortable distance
And I'll tell myself I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it is ever worth the risk.

I've got a tight grip on reality and I won't let go of whats in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
I'll be left without the proof it's not a dream.

There are no exceptions.

Like my rewrite? Right now, I feel pretty sure of it. I dig it.

RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!!!!!

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

Robert Wilensky, speech at a 1996 conference

To say the least, a town life makes one more tolerant and liberal in one's judgement of others.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882), Hyperion, 1839

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.

Agatha Christie (1890 - 1976)

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk.

Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Three Doctors, 1993

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Spike Milligan, from "The Goon Show"

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

Here's a funny cartoon. =]

That's what my biology teacher did to our final to make us feel better about taking it. He put funny cartoons on it. I think it worked.