It's always when I'm with Angie's side of the family that I remember how much I love Country music. I really do love it. It's good stuffz. I remembered on Thursday that Strawberry Wine by Deanna Carter is one of my favorite songs on the planet. Always has been since I can remember. I don't even know why. It's so fun to sing too. I am just this big 'ol world of tastes when it comes to music. haha
So my grandpa is such a tough guy. =] He was practically comatose, and now he is almost off the need for oxygen. =] It was really great to see him. We got to the hospital and sat in the waiting room. Angie went in first and when she came out she said that grandpa had woken up and told her to get him the hell out of there. haha We were so happy! He had freaked out when he woke up too, throwing pillows and trying to pull out his wires. Silly grandpa. He's got fight in him though. =]
He is out of the ICU now. In a normal room as of Saturday night. He hates that oxygen thing they have up his nose though. He kept telling everyone to get it off him. With a few more choice words too. haha When I went in to see him my Uncle Toby told him, "Dad, Heaven is here." "Heaven? Where? Where's my baby? Heaven? Baby?" And then he saw me and he said, "Heaven, my baby, I love you, I'm so proud of you." I almost cried. He is so sweet to me. Everyone always said that I was his favorite grandchild, and I didn't believe them until this weekend. He kept holding my hand and asking for me when I wasn't in the room.I was the only one he was always nice to. We spent the night in the waiting room that night. Which the hospital was prepared for. The seats are all velcro so they come off to make beds for people who are sleeping in the waiting room. I can attest to their UNcomfortableness. But it gets to a point that you are too exhausted to care. (We also went to a Denny's for dinner, which is normally fantastic, but if you are ever in Pocatello, Idaho DO NOT GO TO DENNY'S.) My back ached when I woke up, and it's still mad at me. ha. =p
This. Is. A. Basket.
It is also a building.
So I've seen now what it's like to not be liked by someone who likes you. haha A friend of mine will remain unnamed, but lets just say that the DTR had a lot to do with him. Everything to do with him. Lets just say that he changes his mind lot. And after all of this talking and not talking and dates and non-dates I know a few things about him, about life, and about myself.
Him: 1: He wants to be with me. That much is obvious. He likes me and he is trying not to. No details, but lets just say I'm sure about this one. 2: He is scared. He closes himself off to me and gets distant and sometimes downright insensitive. And that boy's ego is out of control. 3: If I stuck around something would happen. It would take a while but we would be something eventually. I would have to do all the work though, I would have to get him to let his walls down.
Life: 1: Lots of guys are going to come along and seem too good to be true. They usually are. 2: Having a DTR does not always mean you actually Determine ANYTHING. 3: Always save your secrets for someone who will appreciate them. Wait for someone who will realize how huge it is that you not only told them your grandpa is in the hospital, but also that you are terrified to see him sick, and more terrified that you'll lose him.
This. Is. A. Shelf.
It is also a tree.
Me: I don't know if I want to wait for him to let his walls down. He can be the sweetest guy, and when he does let his walls down the way he looks at me is the most wonderful thing. But then he gets scared and he won't even talk to me. He's scared of a lot of things. I mean, I thought that I had issues? Nope. I'm fine. I'm staring to think I might even be sane.
When I see him I think I can wait. I think I can stick around and be his friend until he's ready to be more. But then he just gets on my nerves sometimes and I think, "I can't do this! I'm done. I'm gone." That's usually when hes not there. Usually because of some ridiculous text message that he sent me. I can't really decide if it's all worth it. Do I really want this? Will he stop being a jerk when he stops being scared? All unanswered questions. All very confusing and utterly ridiculous.
This. Is. A. Stapler.
It is also freaking awesome.
Basically. Nothing is what it seems. We just need to look long enough and hard enough to figure out what it really is. The REAL question here is, do we want to spend the time, the energy, and the take the chance, just for it to disappoint you? Some very deep questions are at work in the world. I don't think I'll be answering them today.
RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!
- Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem.
- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965), The Moon and Sixpence
- Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
- Sidney J. Harris
- I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
1 Question: have I heard of this boy previously?
ReplyDelete2 Knowledge: you have learned the lesson of the DTR. you usually leave one more confused.
WHAT'S UP!
holy moly, it just occured to me that what I didn't say but thought as I was reading this but then was distracted by DTR and crazy boys is:
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that your grandpa is doing better and that you were able to be there with him. He is in our prayers. Also, between this and the FB updates I have decided that he is a hoot. and one day I would like to meet him.
haha Thank you. =] Grandpa was the main point of this blog, I'm really happy that he is doing better. He is actually back home now. =] I don't know if he's still on oxygen though. He is a hoot, I love him to pieces. You would like him too, though he is one of the most redneck guys I know. haha
ReplyDeleteAs for the guy, I actually came to a decision last night. Weird story. But we are no longer anything. There is so much done to my doneness. Done done done doneity doneness. =] And I'm glad. =]