Song of the blog: Paperweight_ Joshua Radin & Schuler Fisk
This song is already on my playlist. Right at at the tippity top. I love this song a lot. It's one of my absolute favorites. =]
So On Saturday night I had the sudden urge to watch Singing in the Rain. I took my humanities test and in part of it I had to analyze the dance to this main song and it made me want to watch the movie. So I texted my Weird Things. aka: Britta Grubahm. I'm probably spelling her last name wrong. Shame on me. I call her my Weird Things though, we can't remember why this nickname came up, but it did, and that is she. She said that there were actually some people who wanted to get together and watch a movie that night too so we could all get together and watch something. "Saweet." When I got to their apartment we were all chatting and someone asked about Britta's friend from work who was coming. She said he's a cowboy and they are good friends but nothing more. We all forgot about it and talked of other things. Then he walked in. Holy Cowboy. Head to toe he was cowboyed up, giant belt buckle and all. My legs became jelly and my heart would not be still. I have always had a thing for cowboys. A secret thing, and I've never dated one, but who doesn't want a cowboy? I flirted with him the whole night, and wore his hat for half of it. The movie was Yes Man, and I love that movie, because it is hilorious. =] When he left, Britta looked at me and laughed. She has never seen me flirt like that. But what can I say? I have a weakness for cowboys. =]
He showed me tons of pictures of his family's ranch in Texas. It's beautiful. There was one picture that I made him stop on for a second longer. There were no mountains, and you could see forever. It made me really homesick. I like the mountains and all, but I miss being able to see forever. Everything seems so much more clear when nothing is disrupting my view. =] His horses are all gorgeous, and he has a younger sister and a younger brother that are just the cutenesses. =] I am completely crushing. It's innocent, and it's fun. =]
I love cowboys. =]
In other news, well, I don't know. My life is pretty awesome, and nothing too note worthy other than I love it.
Oh and I have a test at 2:30. Pray for me. ha.
Monday, March 14, 2011
I will fly, and I will stare into the sun and laugh. XD
Song of the blog: Fallen From The Sky_ Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
I heart this song. =] Same people as the Swell Season. Such Greatness. =]
I love my life. =] My stupid little life with all of it's problems. I am thankful for my insecurities, my sad days, my bad hair days (not today by the way), my I feel like dressing weird days, my jeep buckle belt, my curly hair that goes flat by the day's end, my eyes that used to be blue but now they are this watered down green that no one has any clue where I got them, I love my music and how I can be listening to Underoath one minute and Kenny Chesney the next, I love how I can see the good in every detail like when I watch the sunset I can love every color and every swoop of the clouds and every line where the sky touches the earth, I love that I can walk down the street and smile and breath, I love that I have an apartment with a bed and food and a working kitchen, I love that I have a job and I work with awesome people, I love that I am going home this summer for almost 4 months, I love that I am going to Warped Tour, I love the weather and the sun and the breeze and the green and the light and the warm. =] Spring is here, and I really hope that it doesn't snow again!! But if it does, i will love my hatred for it, and I will love my ability to hate it. When I think like this, it is so hard to be anything but happy. It's a very weird process actually when this happens. I feel sad about something, then I think about how I have the ability to be sad, and how cool that is, and how cool it is that I'm alive, and how I love being alive, and I can't even be sad about what was making me sad because I end up being grateful for it. haha I'm weird.
So yeah, thats my stupid little ditty on why life and being alive is freakin awesome.
I heart this song. =] Same people as the Swell Season. Such Greatness. =]
I love my life. =] My stupid little life with all of it's problems. I am thankful for my insecurities, my sad days, my bad hair days (not today by the way), my I feel like dressing weird days, my jeep buckle belt, my curly hair that goes flat by the day's end, my eyes that used to be blue but now they are this watered down green that no one has any clue where I got them, I love my music and how I can be listening to Underoath one minute and Kenny Chesney the next, I love how I can see the good in every detail like when I watch the sunset I can love every color and every swoop of the clouds and every line where the sky touches the earth, I love that I can walk down the street and smile and breath, I love that I have an apartment with a bed and food and a working kitchen, I love that I have a job and I work with awesome people, I love that I am going home this summer for almost 4 months, I love that I am going to Warped Tour, I love the weather and the sun and the breeze and the green and the light and the warm. =] Spring is here, and I really hope that it doesn't snow again!! But if it does, i will love my hatred for it, and I will love my ability to hate it. When I think like this, it is so hard to be anything but happy. It's a very weird process actually when this happens. I feel sad about something, then I think about how I have the ability to be sad, and how cool that is, and how cool it is that I'm alive, and how I love being alive, and I can't even be sad about what was making me sad because I end up being grateful for it. haha I'm weird.
So yeah, thats my stupid little ditty on why life and being alive is freakin awesome.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Sisterlove..... (From Yesterday.)
Song of the blog: La Paga_ Juanes feat. Black Eyed Peas
Actually, I don't want that song to be my song of the blog, even though I like it and I DO want it on here. So lets try that again.
Song of the blog: Oxford Comma_ Vampire Weekend
That is a little better. haha Now we may begin.
My sister has run away. I know that this seems like I am calm about it, but this is my ruse. I am not calm. I am freaking out. >>>>>=@
My mother caught her skipping school, and so told her to walk home. Well, Hope decided that she wasn't coming home. it's all mapped out on facebook if you look carefully enough. There is a status of Hope's that my mom commented on saying something along the lines of Where are you that you can be on the computer and on facebook and not in class?? I saw it but I didn't think it meant anything huge. Then the next day my mom writes on Hope's wall, "The least you could do is tell me where you are and that you're ok." That was a tad more alarming so I comment, "????????????????" I get nothing. Finally on Tuesday I call my mom and ask her what is up with all of that. Turns out Hope really was skipping school, and she got caught. My mom told her to walk home. Hope decided she wasn't going home. I freaked out. It seems though, that I was the only one. My mom was clam on the phone, and she said that the school counselor shrugged her shoulders and said Hope is 18. What is with the whole 18 thing? Yes she is 18 and a legal adult, but she doesn't even know what that means!!! I'm starting to think that we need to have a mandatory class in high school that teaches them what it means to be an adult. It does NOT mean, "Now I can do what I want!" That is part of it, but it's so small a part that it's a wonder that anybody notices it. There's also that really contradictory part where you actually can't do whatever you want if you can't handle the consequences. Yeah. We need to start teaching kids this instead of just assuming that they know. I didn't even really know. (Ok, so maybe it's something that only life can really teach you, but seriously, we could TRY! Lesson 1: Toilet Paper comes from a store and cost money.)
So today my Dad calls. I'm at work so normally I wouldn't answer, but I think maybe he knows something about Hope. So I answer it and he starts out mad at me for not telling him. He found out from Angie. I am really surprised because anyone who sees Hope's facebook should know that something is going on. Turns out he doesn't check Hope's facebook. So told him what I knew. I gave him what info I had and said I would keep him updated. About 30 minutes later I get a very angry text from my mother. She is cussing and yelling at me for telling my Dad some spun version of the story and making him call her and yell at her and call her a bad mother. Excuse me? No. It is obvious that my Dad freaked out, which is understandable. He shouldn't fling insults, but it happens. Now my mom needs someone to vent on and blame. That person is now me. I understand, I wasn't even mad. I tried to explain to her that I did not spin a story, and that dad is just freaking out because he just found out that his daughter ran away a few days ago and he wasn't told. I would freak too. In fact, I did freak out when I found out. I just didn't start flinging insults everywhere. Well, my mom wasn't taking that. She is ready to completely cut me off. Now I am mad. None of this is my fault, I tried to be understanding but there is a line. I am full willing to be a punching bag for a distressed mother, but I will not take the blame for this whole situation. I didn't make Hope leave. The blame lies on Hope's shoulders alone. Agh!
So in happier news I am done downloading my music. =] Today I am going to dive into my movies. I have about 6 to download from that wonderful I-tunes list, and they will take a few hours each. I'm so excited to have all my stuff back!! I keep having to go through and delete duplicates when there is two of something, but I would rather have two than none. =] I love it!!! Wee!
I really want to say something happy. Another happy thing. This is such a downer blog post.
I know! I'll just count the happy things. =]
1: I have orange juice. =]
2: I have chips. yum. =]
3: I look really cute today. =]
4: We are reading Othello in English 251. =]
5: I have fantastic friends. =]
6: My life is freaking amazing. =]
7: I danced down the sidewalk last night, not even caring who saw or who judged. I was happy and loving life for the simple reason of breathing and it was fantastic. =]
I want to talk about that. =] I love being alive. Having a life to live. Having energy in my limbs and feeling and emotions and everything that goes with being alive!!!! It was especially so yesterday when I was walking to school and back, basically whenever I walk somewhere. That just gives me a chance to put on my headphones and look around and just be. I am just a girl walking, that is all. I don't have a crazy family, I'm not completely lost in my writing class, I'm just me. I'm just this random girl who is walking along the curb like it's a balancing game, smiling and loving life. I get lots of looks while I'm walking. oddly enough it's split pretty evenly between guys and girls. Most girls look at me like I'm crazy, sometimes I even get a dirty look. There are exceptions and they smile at me and I think it's because they know. they know how amazing it is to be alive. =] Most guys smile at me, none of them stop to chat, but they all smile. The smiley nod. =] I enjoy all of these. Even the looks of, "Are you crazy?" Because the answer is a loud, "Yes! And I LOVE it!!" Really, if I could just go on a walk and just stop every once in a while to live somewhere for until I'm ready to leave, and then just move on without looking back to the next little town. I would do it. There are too many details like money and clothes that in reality factor in. But in my dreams, I can be a wanderer, wandering wandering. =]
Actually, I don't want that song to be my song of the blog, even though I like it and I DO want it on here. So lets try that again.
Song of the blog: Oxford Comma_ Vampire Weekend
That is a little better. haha Now we may begin.
My sister has run away. I know that this seems like I am calm about it, but this is my ruse. I am not calm. I am freaking out. >>>>>=@
My mother caught her skipping school, and so told her to walk home. Well, Hope decided that she wasn't coming home. it's all mapped out on facebook if you look carefully enough. There is a status of Hope's that my mom commented on saying something along the lines of Where are you that you can be on the computer and on facebook and not in class?? I saw it but I didn't think it meant anything huge. Then the next day my mom writes on Hope's wall, "The least you could do is tell me where you are and that you're ok." That was a tad more alarming so I comment, "????????????????" I get nothing. Finally on Tuesday I call my mom and ask her what is up with all of that. Turns out Hope really was skipping school, and she got caught. My mom told her to walk home. Hope decided she wasn't going home. I freaked out. It seems though, that I was the only one. My mom was clam on the phone, and she said that the school counselor shrugged her shoulders and said Hope is 18. What is with the whole 18 thing? Yes she is 18 and a legal adult, but she doesn't even know what that means!!! I'm starting to think that we need to have a mandatory class in high school that teaches them what it means to be an adult. It does NOT mean, "Now I can do what I want!" That is part of it, but it's so small a part that it's a wonder that anybody notices it. There's also that really contradictory part where you actually can't do whatever you want if you can't handle the consequences. Yeah. We need to start teaching kids this instead of just assuming that they know. I didn't even really know. (Ok, so maybe it's something that only life can really teach you, but seriously, we could TRY! Lesson 1: Toilet Paper comes from a store and cost money.)
So today my Dad calls. I'm at work so normally I wouldn't answer, but I think maybe he knows something about Hope. So I answer it and he starts out mad at me for not telling him. He found out from Angie. I am really surprised because anyone who sees Hope's facebook should know that something is going on. Turns out he doesn't check Hope's facebook. So told him what I knew. I gave him what info I had and said I would keep him updated. About 30 minutes later I get a very angry text from my mother. She is cussing and yelling at me for telling my Dad some spun version of the story and making him call her and yell at her and call her a bad mother. Excuse me? No. It is obvious that my Dad freaked out, which is understandable. He shouldn't fling insults, but it happens. Now my mom needs someone to vent on and blame. That person is now me. I understand, I wasn't even mad. I tried to explain to her that I did not spin a story, and that dad is just freaking out because he just found out that his daughter ran away a few days ago and he wasn't told. I would freak too. In fact, I did freak out when I found out. I just didn't start flinging insults everywhere. Well, my mom wasn't taking that. She is ready to completely cut me off. Now I am mad. None of this is my fault, I tried to be understanding but there is a line. I am full willing to be a punching bag for a distressed mother, but I will not take the blame for this whole situation. I didn't make Hope leave. The blame lies on Hope's shoulders alone. Agh!
So in happier news I am done downloading my music. =] Today I am going to dive into my movies. I have about 6 to download from that wonderful I-tunes list, and they will take a few hours each. I'm so excited to have all my stuff back!! I keep having to go through and delete duplicates when there is two of something, but I would rather have two than none. =] I love it!!! Wee!
I really want to say something happy. Another happy thing. This is such a downer blog post.
I know! I'll just count the happy things. =]
1: I have orange juice. =]
2: I have chips. yum. =]
3: I look really cute today. =]
4: We are reading Othello in English 251. =]
5: I have fantastic friends. =]
6: My life is freaking amazing. =]
7: I danced down the sidewalk last night, not even caring who saw or who judged. I was happy and loving life for the simple reason of breathing and it was fantastic. =]
I want to talk about that. =] I love being alive. Having a life to live. Having energy in my limbs and feeling and emotions and everything that goes with being alive!!!! It was especially so yesterday when I was walking to school and back, basically whenever I walk somewhere. That just gives me a chance to put on my headphones and look around and just be. I am just a girl walking, that is all. I don't have a crazy family, I'm not completely lost in my writing class, I'm just me. I'm just this random girl who is walking along the curb like it's a balancing game, smiling and loving life. I get lots of looks while I'm walking. oddly enough it's split pretty evenly between guys and girls. Most girls look at me like I'm crazy, sometimes I even get a dirty look. There are exceptions and they smile at me and I think it's because they know. they know how amazing it is to be alive. =] Most guys smile at me, none of them stop to chat, but they all smile. The smiley nod. =] I enjoy all of these. Even the looks of, "Are you crazy?" Because the answer is a loud, "Yes! And I LOVE it!!" Really, if I could just go on a walk and just stop every once in a while to live somewhere for until I'm ready to leave, and then just move on without looking back to the next little town. I would do it. There are too many details like money and clothes that in reality factor in. But in my dreams, I can be a wanderer, wandering wandering. =]
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Oh Happy Day!
Today it seems my happy cannot be contained. =] I got my music that I lost on my broken hard drive. All of it! I emailed I-tunes like two weeks ago and I hadn't gotten anything back, and then suddenly last night I got this pop up that told me I needed to check my available downloads. I had a hyperventilation attackation. About 1,350 songs were waiting to return home to me. Greatest! Moment! It was amazing! I have gotten through about 340 of these. It is slow because I can only download them while I am home or my computer will just fall asleep and pause them anyway. So that would be pointless. So this morning I let it run while I got ready for school and today I will let it run while I go home and eat and watch Glee before my Current Events class. Hulu is my friend. =]
=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]
MY HAPPY CANNOT BE CONTAINED!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance.
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain makin everybody look like ants.
Way up there, You and I, You and I.
RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!!
- The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.
- Florence Shinn
- True happiness... arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one's self.
- Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719)
- Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
Monday, March 7, 2011
Grandpa, Be Nice To The Nurses Please. =]
Song of the Blog: You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone._ Brookes & Dunn
It's always when I'm with Angie's side of the family that I remember how much I love Country music. I really do love it. It's good stuffz. I remembered on Thursday that Strawberry Wine by Deanna Carter is one of my favorite songs on the planet. Always has been since I can remember. I don't even know why. It's so fun to sing too. I am just this big 'ol world of tastes when it comes to music. haha
So my grandpa is such a tough guy. =] He was practically comatose, and now he is almost off the need for oxygen. =] It was really great to see him. We got to the hospital and sat in the waiting room. Angie went in first and when she came out she said that grandpa had woken up and told her to get him the hell out of there. haha We were so happy! He had freaked out when he woke up too, throwing pillows and trying to pull out his wires. Silly grandpa. He's got fight in him though. =]
He is out of the ICU now. In a normal room as of Saturday night. He hates that oxygen thing they have up his nose though. He kept telling everyone to get it off him. With a few more choice words too. haha When I went in to see him my Uncle Toby told him, "Dad, Heaven is here." "Heaven? Where? Where's my baby? Heaven? Baby?" And then he saw me and he said, "Heaven, my baby, I love you, I'm so proud of you." I almost cried. He is so sweet to me. Everyone always said that I was his favorite grandchild, and I didn't believe them until this weekend. He kept holding my hand and asking for me when I wasn't in the room.I was the only one he was always nice to. We spent the night in the waiting room that night. Which the hospital was prepared for. The seats are all velcro so they come off to make beds for people who are sleeping in the waiting room. I can attest to their UNcomfortableness. But it gets to a point that you are too exhausted to care. (We also went to a Denny's for dinner, which is normally fantastic, but if you are ever in Pocatello, Idaho DO NOT GO TO DENNY'S.) My back ached when I woke up, and it's still mad at me. ha. =p
This. Is. A. Basket.
It is also a building.
So I've seen now what it's like to not be liked by someone who likes you. haha A friend of mine will remain unnamed, but lets just say that the DTR had a lot to do with him. Everything to do with him. Lets just say that he changes his mind lot. And after all of this talking and not talking and dates and non-dates I know a few things about him, about life, and about myself.
Him: 1: He wants to be with me. That much is obvious. He likes me and he is trying not to. No details, but lets just say I'm sure about this one. 2: He is scared. He closes himself off to me and gets distant and sometimes downright insensitive. And that boy's ego is out of control. 3: If I stuck around something would happen. It would take a while but we would be something eventually. I would have to do all the work though, I would have to get him to let his walls down.
Life: 1: Lots of guys are going to come along and seem too good to be true. They usually are. 2: Having a DTR does not always mean you actually Determine ANYTHING. 3: Always save your secrets for someone who will appreciate them. Wait for someone who will realize how huge it is that you not only told them your grandpa is in the hospital, but also that you are terrified to see him sick, and more terrified that you'll lose him.
This. Is. A. Shelf.
It is also a tree.
Me: I don't know if I want to wait for him to let his walls down. He can be the sweetest guy, and when he does let his walls down the way he looks at me is the most wonderful thing. But then he gets scared and he won't even talk to me. He's scared of a lot of things. I mean, I thought that I had issues? Nope. I'm fine. I'm staring to think I might even be sane.
When I see him I think I can wait. I think I can stick around and be his friend until he's ready to be more. But then he just gets on my nerves sometimes and I think, "I can't do this! I'm done. I'm gone." That's usually when hes not there. Usually because of some ridiculous text message that he sent me. I can't really decide if it's all worth it. Do I really want this? Will he stop being a jerk when he stops being scared? All unanswered questions. All very confusing and utterly ridiculous.
This. Is. A. Stapler.
It is also freaking awesome.
Basically. Nothing is what it seems. We just need to look long enough and hard enough to figure out what it really is. The REAL question here is, do we want to spend the time, the energy, and the take the chance, just for it to disappoint you? Some very deep questions are at work in the world. I don't think I'll be answering them today.
RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!
It's always when I'm with Angie's side of the family that I remember how much I love Country music. I really do love it. It's good stuffz. I remembered on Thursday that Strawberry Wine by Deanna Carter is one of my favorite songs on the planet. Always has been since I can remember. I don't even know why. It's so fun to sing too. I am just this big 'ol world of tastes when it comes to music. haha
So my grandpa is such a tough guy. =] He was practically comatose, and now he is almost off the need for oxygen. =] It was really great to see him. We got to the hospital and sat in the waiting room. Angie went in first and when she came out she said that grandpa had woken up and told her to get him the hell out of there. haha We were so happy! He had freaked out when he woke up too, throwing pillows and trying to pull out his wires. Silly grandpa. He's got fight in him though. =]
He is out of the ICU now. In a normal room as of Saturday night. He hates that oxygen thing they have up his nose though. He kept telling everyone to get it off him. With a few more choice words too. haha When I went in to see him my Uncle Toby told him, "Dad, Heaven is here." "Heaven? Where? Where's my baby? Heaven? Baby?" And then he saw me and he said, "Heaven, my baby, I love you, I'm so proud of you." I almost cried. He is so sweet to me. Everyone always said that I was his favorite grandchild, and I didn't believe them until this weekend. He kept holding my hand and asking for me when I wasn't in the room.I was the only one he was always nice to. We spent the night in the waiting room that night. Which the hospital was prepared for. The seats are all velcro so they come off to make beds for people who are sleeping in the waiting room. I can attest to their UNcomfortableness. But it gets to a point that you are too exhausted to care. (We also went to a Denny's for dinner, which is normally fantastic, but if you are ever in Pocatello, Idaho DO NOT GO TO DENNY'S.) My back ached when I woke up, and it's still mad at me. ha. =p
This. Is. A. Basket.
It is also a building.
So I've seen now what it's like to not be liked by someone who likes you. haha A friend of mine will remain unnamed, but lets just say that the DTR had a lot to do with him. Everything to do with him. Lets just say that he changes his mind lot. And after all of this talking and not talking and dates and non-dates I know a few things about him, about life, and about myself.
Him: 1: He wants to be with me. That much is obvious. He likes me and he is trying not to. No details, but lets just say I'm sure about this one. 2: He is scared. He closes himself off to me and gets distant and sometimes downright insensitive. And that boy's ego is out of control. 3: If I stuck around something would happen. It would take a while but we would be something eventually. I would have to do all the work though, I would have to get him to let his walls down.
Life: 1: Lots of guys are going to come along and seem too good to be true. They usually are. 2: Having a DTR does not always mean you actually Determine ANYTHING. 3: Always save your secrets for someone who will appreciate them. Wait for someone who will realize how huge it is that you not only told them your grandpa is in the hospital, but also that you are terrified to see him sick, and more terrified that you'll lose him.
This. Is. A. Shelf.
It is also a tree.
Me: I don't know if I want to wait for him to let his walls down. He can be the sweetest guy, and when he does let his walls down the way he looks at me is the most wonderful thing. But then he gets scared and he won't even talk to me. He's scared of a lot of things. I mean, I thought that I had issues? Nope. I'm fine. I'm staring to think I might even be sane.
When I see him I think I can wait. I think I can stick around and be his friend until he's ready to be more. But then he just gets on my nerves sometimes and I think, "I can't do this! I'm done. I'm gone." That's usually when hes not there. Usually because of some ridiculous text message that he sent me. I can't really decide if it's all worth it. Do I really want this? Will he stop being a jerk when he stops being scared? All unanswered questions. All very confusing and utterly ridiculous.
This. Is. A. Stapler.
Basically. Nothing is what it seems. We just need to look long enough and hard enough to figure out what it really is. The REAL question here is, do we want to spend the time, the energy, and the take the chance, just for it to disappoint you? Some very deep questions are at work in the world. I don't think I'll be answering them today.
RANDOM QUOTES!!!!!!
- Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem.
- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965), The Moon and Sixpence
- Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
- Sidney J. Harris
- I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
This Is A Title
Song of the blog: She Got Dressed_ Fleet Foxes
Fish
That is a fish, just thought y'all should know. teehee
So today I would like to talk about DTRs. DTRs and why they suck. Cuz they do. Suck. Yeah. Mostly because they are awkward. And they are scary. Because one person is putting their whole feelings out on the table and saying, "This is what I want." And everything kind of hinges on that other person giving a crap. But to have the courage to lay everything out there, you have to at least THINK that the other person cares. So yeah, DTRs. And this is why they suck.
Cheese
This is the most epic picture of cheese I have ever seen.
My friend Josh over here is opening his mission call today, and he's not writing a blog about it. Shameful. I won't even be at work tomorrow or Friday to find out, so I told him to send me an email. A specific email with the word specific in it. I better get one. =p
Flower
I really like this flower. A lot. It's beautiful.
I'm talking to Felix again. It's nice. We're friends, which is what we should have been all along I think. It's weird remembering how much I used to love him, and I still love him, but I love him the same way I love my brother. I like it, but I don't think he does... Which is awkward, but I hope we can get past that and just be friends. I hope I don't have to stop talking to him again.
Music
YESH!!!!!
I love music, oh so very much. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Books
I also love books. These are books. So much love in their direction. =D
Pencil
And so it ends. With a pencil.
Random Quotes!!!!!!
Fish
So today I would like to talk about DTRs. DTRs and why they suck. Cuz they do. Suck. Yeah. Mostly because they are awkward. And they are scary. Because one person is putting their whole feelings out on the table and saying, "This is what I want." And everything kind of hinges on that other person giving a crap. But to have the courage to lay everything out there, you have to at least THINK that the other person cares. So yeah, DTRs. And this is why they suck.
Cheese
My friend Josh over here is opening his mission call today, and he's not writing a blog about it. Shameful. I won't even be at work tomorrow or Friday to find out, so I told him to send me an email. A specific email with the word specific in it. I better get one. =p
Flower
I'm talking to Felix again. It's nice. We're friends, which is what we should have been all along I think. It's weird remembering how much I used to love him, and I still love him, but I love him the same way I love my brother. I like it, but I don't think he does... Which is awkward, but I hope we can get past that and just be friends. I hope I don't have to stop talking to him again.
Music
I love music, oh so very much. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Books
Pencil
Random Quotes!!!!!!
- I show up. I listen. I try to laugh.
- Anna Quindlen (1953 - ), A Short Guide to a Happy Life, 2000
- Regret for wasted time is more wasted time.
- Mason Cooley, O Magazine, April 2004
- Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.
- Danny Kaye (1913 - 1987)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Mystery of Days.
So we go through life, and we make choices. This is something I've been thinking about a lot for the past week. I made a Facebook status about it. But it didn't do my depth justice I don't think.
I guess all it is choice. How we choose everything that happens to us. We choose to sit in a certain place, we choose to talk to a certain person, we choose to keep talking to them, this choice leads to them choosing to ask for your number which leads to you choosing to say yes or no and then all the choices that go from there that lead to WHATEVER! We choose to walk through a certain building, then we choose to take this certain elevator, and press this certain button. Someone else on another floor does the same, and for a short time your choices combine and you are on the same elevator, you then have a choice to get off on different floors or hit the stop button and make out. (This never happens, that we know of, because it's not really socially acceptable. ha) Basically choices. And my thoughts on them. Yeah.
I just keep thinking about the last time I saw him. He's such a skinny old man. It was this last Thanksgiving that I decided to finally call and spend it with my family. He came outside in the cold, grabbed my hand, dragged me in the house and showed me off to all of these people I didn't know as his brilliant college grandkid. He was so proud of me. The way his eyes lit up when he looked at me like I was this amazing person. He hadn't seen me since I was maybe 14, and he still loved me that much. It was touching. I'm really glad for the chance that I got to see him that day.
I don't mean for this to sound like I'm saying goodbye. I'm not. I've just never thought about all of this very hard before. I'm trying not to cry.
I'm scared to see him. I remember him with life, healthy, just about 4 months ago. It all seems too fast. I'm scared to see him weak and sick. I think I might just start crying again, but then again I know I won't. Not in front of him. I couldn't do that to him. I have to stay strong and just cry in the bathroom later. (Wow, I just realized that I always do that. I hate crying. I avoid doing it if I can.)
He'll be ok though. He has to be. This isn't goodbye.
I remember when my Nanna died. Angie's mom. I hadn't spoken to her in a really long time, and then she was gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. My Dad didn't get why I was so sad, he never liked her I guess, and he was still bitter over his and Angie's divorce. I was sad to lose her, but what really got to me, what made me run to the nearest hiding place to cry, was that Angie had just lost her mom. As much animosity as was still there, that was heartbreaking. I know that in our church we know that it's not the end, not even close, but Angie didn't know that. She had lost her mom. It reminded me of Jesus, when Lazarus died. He knew He could bring Lazarus back, Jesus knew His own power, but He also knew that Mary had just lost her brother. And so he first wept with her, because pain is real. It is something that the Savior does not mock. So even though I knew that Nanna would be able to hear the gospel now and maybe listen more than she did in life, and yes that matters, but we have also lost a family member. And pain is real.And now Grandpa Frank is sick. I know that God will be with him as he goes through this. Because pain is real. God does not mock it. No matter what choices we make in life, we can never, EVER change God's love for us, His children. He will ALWAYS love us. And so I know that God is at my grandpa's side right now. He will help him, and comfort him, and be with him. And my grandpa will be ok.
I am not going to cry. Not going to. No.
So choices. Yep. Choices.
Choices can change who we are. Every day. Every single day. So choose wisely friends.
Random Quotes!!!!
- Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.
- Diana Spencer
- Strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes.
- Kenneth Hildebrand
- When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
- Rita Rudner
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
- Jeff Foxworthy
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